


What if this is it?

by TheSparrow93



Series: What if it's Meant to Be [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Jesus, Canon-Typical Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Complete, Daryl knows what he likes, Demisexual Daryl Dixon, Desus - Freeform, Developing Relationship, Emotional Constipation, Everyone is BAMFs, Explicit Language, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Flashbacks, Flower meanings, Fluff and Angst, Fuck negan, Jesus sangs yall, Kinda, Loss, M/M, Minor Character Death, Rating will change, Road Trip, Sex, Slow Burn, War is coming, With each other, a lot of fluff, all out war, all the feels, first real fic for the ship, i change what I want, i hate simon too, is this a love story?, no crisis, no one is a virgin here, people are gonna die-rick grimes, what is canon?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-11-18 07:24:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 57,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11286477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSparrow93/pseuds/TheSparrow93
Summary: Daryl didn’t say the word love. Not for any really poetic reason, it just never worked for him. He can feel it though and what is he supposed to do when a certain Hilltop resident starts making his heart race?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first try at a fic for this ship that didn't come from a prompt. I'm trying to do Desus justice because I love it so much.
> 
> If there are any mistakes sorry I just read over it myself and might miss somethings.

Daryl didn’t say the word love. Not for any really poetic reason, it just never worked for him. Of course he felt love, he had attachments to things and people. He just didn’t say that one specific word. The last person he spoke that four letter word to was Merle and everyone knew how that worked out. 

Daryl showed his love with actions. He was Rick’s right hand, would sacrifice his very life for the man. The touches and hugs reserved just for Carol, that stupid nickname he never denied her to call him. His respect for Michonne, he would stand behind her in anything because she didn’t need anyone to lead or protect her. How he would carry Judith on his hip for hours even as she screamed and pitched a fit as her teeth cut or a fever ran high. He was better at actions. 

So Daryl had never said the word love to any of them but he didn’t have to, they all knew. To Daryl saying love out loud was as good as goodbye because he always loses what he truly loves. He was just so tired of goodbyes. 

\-------------------

Something about Jesus rubbed Daryl wrong from the jump. He wasn't sure if it was the easy way the man lied, false words rolling off his tongue like gospel or how endearingly honest he was when it suited him. Daryl could admit it went beyond the fighting and clearly unavoidable loss of the truck, it was just Jesus. What bothered him more about the bearded man was how hard it was to actually hate him. 

Jesus from that first moment got on Daryl's last and worst nerve but he didn't hate him. Not for the truck or his need to babble in quiet moments or even everything caused by that first deal back at Hilltop. Jesus had proven useful and true so many times Daryl couldn’t find the fire in his belly to really dislike him. 

Of course, Daryl was grateful that Jesus had been there after he got out of the Sanctuary, if the man's voice hadn't pulled him back to himself he might never had stopped bringing that pipe down. He let Daryl move into his trailer when they got back to Hilltop while it was full to bursting already and still opened his home when Daryl walked back from the Kingdom. Even though Daryl wouldn’t say it out loud, he was grateful. Jesus did however, annoy the hell out of him. 

The man had developed the habit of following Daryl around, like he was at present. Daryl had suggested going on a long run, a very long run. They needed more ammo, guns, food and just about everything else. The war with the Saviors wasn't going to be won easily and between the three communities it still wasn't enough. 

Rick had been hesitant at first. He didn't want his family scattered even further; Carol was at the Kingdom while Maggie, Enid and Daryl stayed at Hilltop. It needed to be done though. They had collected every gun in a twenty mile radius to bargain with the trash dump gang and lost more than half those weapons when they got betrayed. With Michonne prompting that Daryl could handle it, Rick finally agreed to let his brother go on the run. 

Now though Hilltops number one scout was hovering behind Daryl as he prep a truck to take. The truck was so much like the one Jesus tried to steal from him and Rick that Daryl had to shake his head as he closed the gate after setting a few full gas cans inside. He put his bow and bag of essentials in the cab when Jesus finally spoke up. 

"So," Jesus dragged out the syllable, "I'm going with you." 

Daryl snorted, "Not likely." 

He looked over to finally noticed Jesus was decked out for travel. Beanie on his head, vest zipped up under this trench coat with his bandana hanging around his neck. A backpack tight to his back and knives in their holsters. 

"You can’t go alone," Jesus looped his thumbs through his bag straps, "Maggie asked me to go with and I graciously accepted." 

Rage burned up Daryl's neck, he could handle this. Ever since what happened with Negan everyone was walking on eggshells around him. Daryl couldn’t stand it, he was still him even though he woke up from different nightmares now. He could do a simple run, he should only be gone a week max and he was leaving Savior territory so all he had to deal with was walkers. 

Daryl slammed the cab door shut and cleared the distance between him and Jesus in two steps, "I don’t need a babysitter." 

Jesus to his credit didn't even blink, "No you don’t, but you'll need backup." 

Jesus stared up at him with his big clear eyes until Daryl sniffed and stepped back, something about the man just put the brakes on his anger every time, "Nah, I'm good." 

"You can't be gone that long alone." Jesus reasoned as Daryl went back to the cab. Daryl thought of Heath, how he never came back and how it still tore at Tara's heart. 

"Been alone longer." Daryl shrugged climbing into the truck, he swung the door but Jesus caught it before it closed. The guy was a damn ninja when he wanted to be. 

"Let me come with you," Daryl cocked an eyebrow down at him and Jesus sighed heavily, "Please, let me come." 

Daryl didn’t get the persistence. Sure, no one wanted to disobey Maggie, especially now that the hormones were really kicking in. He just didn't understand why the scout was so insistent on going but he guessed it couldn't really hurt to have another set of eyes with him. 

"Whatever." Daryl grumbled and Jesus honest to god beamed up at him before jogging around to get in. 

"You won't regret this." Jesus promised as Daryl started the truck and headed out the Hilltops gates. 

"Kinda already am." Daryl mumbled as they bounced over the uneven road until they hit pavement. 

Daryl turned heading toward the interstate as Jesus settled in even pulling a CD out of his bag. Before Daryl could protest it was in but it wasn't like Rick's messed up hoedown music. It wasn't something he might have picked before but it filled the air without them having to talk. 

"Where are we headed?" Well, for two minutes at least, "You have an idea or plan?" 

"Yeah, somethin' like that." Daryl pulled onto I-85 and headed south.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is another chapter! So soon? I know, shock. 
> 
> Again, just me looking this over so sorry for any mistakes.

By the fifth hour of driving straight Daryl made the decision he either had to humor Jesus and talk to him or grind his teeth down to dust. It was a close call but Daryl did like his teeth be as they were. So for the next two hours Daryl would respond when it suited him, seeing the small smile on Jesus lips when he actually got a verbal answer. 

By the time the sun was starting to set even Jesus seemed to have talked himself out. Daryl pulled off onto a side road to a rest stop. The place looked long abandoned but they did a quick sweep. There was nothing, not even a decomposing walker corpse. There were a few empty cars but they had a thick layer of dust inside. 

Daryl opened the back of the truck, climbing in to dig into his box of supplies. Jesus hopped up on the tailgate eyes still bouncing around. Daryl tossed a bag up next to him as he settled down with his back to the wall. Jesus opened the bag and pulled out a strip of jerky. It was venison, Daryl had brought it down just outside of Hilltop about a week earlier. 

Daryl closed his eyes, leaning his head back trying to work out the kinks from being behind the wheel for so long. It was dark in only a few minutes but the moon was bright and almost full overhead. Jesus knew he had to climb in and close up but it was so clear out as the early fall air blew a chill over them. 

Daryl looked over as Jesus quietly ate another few bites before tossing the bag back to Daryl. Jesus pulled his beanie off stuffing it in his pocket, eyes still focused for any movement. Daryl kind of liked Jesus like this. All still and calm, not that he hated when Jesus talked and gestured as he speechified it was just too much sometimes. Daryl chewed as Jesus ran his fingers through his hair, it was getting even longer but so was Daryl's. His would never be that soft looking, Jesus gloved fingers not catching on any knots. 

Daryl almost jolted at the direction his thoughts went. Daryl tugged at this own hair, it wasn't greasily as it used to be. Ever since that room he had valued showers a lot more. He shouldn’t be thinking about Jesus like that, nice hair or not. Daryl let the idea die for a few hours, both still silent as the night stretched on. 

"Get some rest." Jesus spoke softly but it sounded loud in the quiet. 

Daryl grunted grabbing his sleeping bag but not unrolling it. He reached over and turned a small lantern on, "You too. Close the damn door." 

Jesus nodded standing up and lowering the panel. It wouldn’t lock like that but the handle on the inside could be held down if need be. Daryl laid out on the floor using his bag as a pillow, he tossed his real pillow a few feet to his side. Jesus raised an eyebrow at it. 

"Ya got more gear I can't see?" Daryl challenged. 

Jesus looked at the pillow before sitting down, evening his head up with Daryl's, he settled before turning his big eyes to Daryl and deadpanned, "I do not." 

Daryl nearly choked because the laugh rushed up his throat so fast. The little shit caught him off guard with that one. Jesus was beaming again as Daryl rubbed his chin to cover the strange snort cough he just let out. Daryl glared at him before switching the light off, Jesus snickering softly in the dark next to him. 

\---------------------------------------- 

Daryl never slept long. Even before he was a light sleeper but now it was different. Dreams tore him from sleep more often than the rustle of a walker. Every night there was a dream. 

He could hear Sophia's laugh in the dark or Dale's even calming voice. Some nights it was Andrea grinning down at him while others Sasha and Bob tried to make him play the 'good out of the bad' game they loved so much. Night with just Merle were rough. Merle yelling at him, pushing him harder and harder. Merle with his big laughs, arm around his shoulders holding so tight it seemed real and immovable. Beth's singing echoed him into consciousness many days. 

Daryl hated the nights with Glenn's open smiles and Abraham's gruff shoulder slaps. The images shattering with a swing of that bat and sickening crack. Daryl gasped softly as his eyes snapped open, his chest heaving shallowly. The bullet holes in the walls let in the slightest light, the sun was barely up, the yellow glow almost eerie as it streamed in. 

Daryl waited for his breathing to even out before he turned to look at the man beside him. Jesus had bunched the pillow up so he could lay slightly on his side facing the older man. He didn't seem disturbed by Daryl. Daryl liked Jesus like this too, he was so still, so peaceful. His long hair tucked behind his ear, lips open with soft breathes and no words. 

Daryl sat up, almost disappointed when Jesus furrowed his brow, nose scrunching in a way that was almost cute as he woke up. He rubbed his eyes as Daryl moved to the door listening closely before lifting it carefully. A bird resting on a nearby picnic table flew off as Daryl jumped down bow raised slightly. Still nothing had shuffled up so he figured it was safe to take his morning piss then head out. Jesus followed a similar idea before the climbed back in the cab. 

"How much further?" Jesus asked as they started down the road again. 

"What are ya five?" Daryl smirked. 

Jesus puffed up in his seat putting on an offended voice, "Six and a half, thank you." 

Daryl just shook his head, "We'll be there by tomorrow." 

Jesus questioned him more, but Daryl didn’t answer. Finally Jesus really huffed and turned the music up like the silent treatment was a punishment for Daryl. When they stopped for lunch and a bathroom break Jesus insisted on drive for a while. His argument that Daryl had been driving for almost a day and he could just tell him where to turn won Daryl over. 

Like the day before Daryl had to weave them through a few side roads and bypasses to get around traffic snarls. It added a lot of time and time was a factor with the impending threat of Negan and his men but they surely had to regroup too. They had a small confrontation a few days earlier, Negan's ego getting the better of his head. When he sent some men to roll up to Alexandria again the C4 had worked that time. The smell of burnt flesh was heavy in the air as the few remaining men ran away, half burnt themselves. 

Hopefully that had bought them at least a week. They were low on explosives now and ammo was in constant demand after all. Negan had Eugene so he might not have to worry as much as they did. By dusk Daryl had Jesus pull over to the side of the road, they would just stay there for the night. 

"So, why are we in Georgia?" Jesus asked as they sat in the back, gate still open to let the cool air in for a while, lantern on again giving the place a dim glow. There had only been one walker limp by and Jesus took it out with a perfectly aimed knife throw only getting up to retrieve the blade. 

"Doubt Negan's looted this far." Daryl was sharpening his buck knife, Jesus had aimed begging eyes at him until he took the two knives that needed attention from the man to take care of next. 

"True," Jesus scratched at his bread, he hadn't put his hat on all day Daryl noticed as he tested his blade edge before sheathing it and grabbing one of the ninja's, "But you seem to know exactly where to go." 

"Grew up 'round these parts." Daryl huffed. 

Jesus nodding, knowing when to drop a subject on occasion. Daryl finished with knives then handed them back, Jesus whistled impressed as he looked them over before holstering them. Daryl closed the door and laid down but left the light on. 

"Daryl?" Jesus was on his back, Daryl's pillow under his head again. Daryl hummed an acknowledgement, "Why do you dislike me so much?" 

Daryl's head snapped to the side, Jesus didn't look at him and his face gave nothing away as Daryl opened and closed his mouth a few time. 

"Where the fuck did that come from?" Daryl was thrown by the sudden question. 

He watched Jesus shrug, "You are always so short with me, like talking or dealing with me is pulling teeth, so I figured that had to be the reason." 

Well, that was true but it wasn't caused by dislike. He just didn't know how to take Jesus most of the time. Daryl used to be like that with everyone, even Rick but that was a long time ago. He probably just needed time for his annoyance to go down but it seemed different with Jesus. He was like an itch Daryl couldn't scratch, everything he said or did made Daryl anxious. 

"Don't hate ya." Daryl finally settled on saying. 

"But you don't like me either." It wasn't a question and it wasn't really true. Daryl liked some things about the other man but did he like the man. Did he like Jesus? 

The silence stretched too long before Daryl breathed, "I, I don't know." 

Jesus turned to look at him, his eyes almost green in the barely light. Daryl held the stare, his stomach clenching at how it never became uncomfortable. Jesus reached up and turned the lantern off before whispering, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be amazing! Please leave a comment, let me know your thoughts!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for everyone. I'm really loving writing this so I hope anyone is enjoying reading. 
> 
> I read over this but sorry for any mistakes.

Jesus seemed back to himself the next morning, Daryl was glad. He didn’t know how to do feelings and definitely wasn't good at talking about them. It was only an hour before things looked so very familiar to Daryl, Jesus back in the passengers seat taking in the rolling fields they passed. 

Daryl knew he had to take a side road to bypass another traffic snarl, the signs on the roads were almost faded to nothing but Daryl didn't need the words to know which street to turn down. Two miles down the tree lined road the foliage suddenly drop away. The mailbox was weathered but still there. 

"Greene." Jesus breathed in awe, the farm stretched for acres before them. 

The walkers were long gone, it almost looked serene. The rubble of the barn having grown over with grass, the earth takes everything back after all. Years had rid the ground of any remains of walkers or loved one. Daryl stopped the truck close to the porch, killing the engine but neither moved to get out. 

Jesus looked up at the house, mouth slack and unspeaking. Vines had grown up the railings with no one there to fight them. The swing on the porch swung gently in the breeze, like it was even still waiting for someone to come sit a spell. The screen door stood closed but the heavy oak one was still open like it had been left. It was like the walkers hadn't touched the place, most likely dying in the fire or stumbling behind their cars headed off the land. 

"Daryl." Jesus whispered, like this was hallowed ground and maybe it was. 

"Yeah." Daryl opened the door and got out, Jesus climbed out behind him instead of opening his own side. He didn't close the door as he felt the ground beneath his boots again. The grass was overgrown like it had never been in its heyday. 

Daryl shouldered his bow, knife in hand he walked toward the house. The paint was chipping from storms and wind, the steps creaked under their feet. Daryl watched Jesus wince as he tapped his knuckles on the door frame, a few minutes and fewer breaths brought nothing out. Daryl opened the screen gently, it closed behind them with an almost forgotten clap. 

"Daryl?" Jesus followed him as he walked to the kitchen, trying not to look around too much. Jesus kept saying his name, it was sending shivers up his spine how much the younger man had latched to it like it was an anchor. 

Daryl opened the cabinets, still full of cans and jars. The place hadn't been touched since they left, it seemed if anyone passed by they had let the place stand as monument. Daryl turned without taking anything and walked up the stairs, Jesus still at his back. 

"When we moved in from the fields, when Herschel let us in," Daryl opened a door at the end of the hall and another set of stairs curved up, "T-Dog and I had to move some stuff to the attic and I remember seeing a box." 

"A box?" Daryl pulled his flashlight from his pocket and clicked it on. 

"Yep," Daryl nodded beam of light bouncing from place to place in the lifetimes worth of boxes before pausing on one, 'Baby Clothes' scrawled across the front in sharpie, "That box." 

Jesus moved around him to grab the box and opened the flaps, luckily not even rodents desecrated the home. It was a hodgepodge of boys and girls things; onesies, jumpers, pants, hats, shoes and even bibs. Jesus ran his fingertips over the fabric, "Daryl." 

There was the archers name again, like a prayer on his lips. Daryl chewed on his thumbnail when he couldn't think of anything more to say as Jesus looked through the box before closing it back. He nodded taking the box downstairs as Daryl looked over the names on the other containers. 

Jesus had loaded up everything in the cabinets by the time Daryl came down arms loaded down with sheets and blankets. They took the mattresses off the beds, the Saviors took all the ones in Alexandria after all. The truck wasn't even a quarter full by the time the decided they had everything of use. Daryl found Jesus in the living room after he put all of Herschel's medical supplies in the cab for safe keeping behind his seat. 

Jesus ran his hand over the mantel, inches of dust moving with it. He paused at the picture in the center, a family portrait. Herschel with a woman smiling wide in his arms, a son even Daryl never met standing between the two girls. Jesus brushed the dusted from the glass, his fingers tracing Maggie's smile. 

"This is Beth." Jesus swallowed, taking in the girls big eyes and soft hair. 

Maggie had told Jesus about Beth, her amazing baby sister. Told him all about her likes and her amazing voice. Maggie had told him how Beth wasn't made for how things were but was so brave and strong anyway. She had told him how she lost Beth, how Daryl lost her. Daryl walked up next to her, the picture was of people a few years younger than he ever knew them but it was still them. He just nodded, swallowing loud in the silence of the house. 

"Daryl," Jesus started, voice almost inaudible. 

"Stop sayin' my name!" Daryl's voice echoed around them, his fists clenched at his side. Stop saying his name if it meant anything, like might mean everything. Coming here had been a mistake, there were too many ghosts. Ghosts in the air, in the ground and in the smiles in front of him. He didn't realize he was shaking until Jesus grabbed his arm and swung him around so his back was to the pictures. 

"I'm sorry," Jesus whispered soothingly, hands squeezing his shoulders. Daryl didn't fight as his hands slide up to cup his face before pulling him in, resting his head on his shoulder. Daryl slumped into it, Jesus was solid and soft as his face pressed into that silky hair, "I'm so sorry." 

Daryl's fists shook before his fingers relaxed and his arms looped around Jesus back. He breathed heavily for a few minutes, Jesus not wavering under his weight. His beard scratched at Daryl's neck but not in an unpleasant way. Daryl was more reserved with this shows of emotion but he felt like it didn't bother the scout. Like Jesus would welcome anything from him, be it a breakdown or raging fit. 

Daryl straightened after a moment, Jesus dropped his arms between them waiting until Daryl uncurled his arms and stepped back to move. He grabbed the photo and walked to a shelf nearby and pulled off a large leather bound tome. 'Album' printed in gold on the spine. 

"Let's go." Jesus smiled as Daryl nodded, followed him out the door. Jesus flipped the lock after closing it, sealing the past there. Daryl sniffed scrubbing his face as the fresh air made the vines swirl around. Jesus ran his fingers over one of the rocking chairs by the door, Daryl could almost see Glenn there with that guitar he couldn't play. "I think we should take one, for Maggie." 

"Yeah, yeah we should." Daryl picked it up, Jesus tucked the photos behind his own seat as Daryl secured the chair in the back. He closed the panel before stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I gotta..." 

"Whatever you need." Jesus assured him. Daryl nodded walking off, Jesus didn't follow this time. 

Daryl walked down to the pond, the dock having fallen away some time ago. The garden had overgrown with weeds but some sunflowers still held strong. All the livestock they left behind had either been eaten or long run off. The place was quiet save for the bugs chirping, the land went on for empty miles it seemed it was almost spooky with its peace. 

It didn't take him long to get back, Jesus having perched on the porch steps in the meantime. Daryl walked over to the rocks stacked beneath the large oak tree. Jesus was at his side again without a word, watching as Daryl set a small white flower one of the piles. He almost wished Carol was there but she didn't need this pain weighing on her again. Daryl patted the rocked next to it, Dale would have been too good for how the world had become. 

Daryl turned and went back to the truck, he paused letting Jesus climb back up through his door. He didn't know why the action helped soothe him but it did. Daryl turned the key that never left the ignition the whole time. He turned the truck and headed back down the long drive. 

Daryl stopped at the mailbox, turned back for one last look before heading for the road. It was beautifully still, it deserved its rest. The farm faded out of view within minutes but Daryl stopped himself from looking just one more time. The reached the end of the road and Daryl stopped, taking a deep breath. Daryl did hate goodbyes after all. 

"Going back now?" Jesus dared to voice but Daryl shook his head making Jesus raise his brows. 

Daryl turned the wheel away in the opposite direction one more time, "We got one more stop."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need some feedback guys, please. A comment would mean the world!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This on is really flowing for me right now, let's enjoy that while it lasts. 
> 
> If I missed any mistakes, my bad.

After about an hour Daryl noticed Jesus humming along to the CD he had been playing for the last two days. Within thirty more minutes the man was singing along softly. Daryl huffed and Jesus fell quiet. Daryl had often voiced his feelings about Jesus and his singing. The younger man would walk around crooning showtunes or musicals at any given hour. Even when Daryl was trying to sleep, so Daryl had laid down a strict no singing policy. 

Another hour went by before Jesus broke, "Where are we going?" 

Daryl figured he had earned an answer, "There was this crazy guy on my street growin' up that was into all that survival shit. Even built a bunker in his backyard. Went down there once with Merle while the old fucker ranted about the Soviets and let us drink beer, place was armed to the teeth." 

"We're going to the doomsday preppers house?" Jesus chuckled at the idea. 

"Yep." Daryl turned off the interstate and soon a small town came into view. He had only lived a few hours away from the Greene farm, a detail he never disclosed to anyone. He and Merle had headed for Atlanta when the shit hit the fan and that's where they found the group, the rest didn't matter. 

"How do you even know he was still keeping it up? Or even that he isn't there now ready to blast our heads off?" Jesus watched as Daryl effortlessly rolled through the streets. Most of the walkers had moved on in search for food but a few ambled about still. 

"He never shut up about it, he was still buying everything in bulk down at the market up until he got sick," Back when everything started it was just people coming down with a strange virus, it wasn't long before they died and then started coming back, "Totally forgot about him until what happened with Dwight, that room was a lot like his place. Mr. Coleman, he was one of the first people to go, well for a lil bit." 

"Ironic." Jesus shook his head as Daryl stopped in front of an old house on a dead end street. He didn't make Daryl talk about what happened to him at the Sanctuary, let the man put out pieces at his own rate and Daryl liked it that way. 

They still had a few hours of sunlight left so they got out and quickly circled around to the back. There was a run down shed in the yard, remains of a walker hung on the fence like it had got caught there at some point but never got loose. The shed was empty, nothing even hung on the walls. Daryl knelt down and knocked some of the dirt away to find a groove in the floor, the wood lifted to show a large metal door with a padlock on it. 

Jesus blinked down at it as Daryl smirked up at him. Even after all those years Daryl put the combination and the lock opened even if he had to force it through a little rust. Jesus spoke up as he tossed the lock away, "Okay, how?" 

"Day Hitler died," Daryl opened the door, it gave a loud creak that made them both wince and listen if anything else had heard, "Told ya fucker was nuts." 

They left the door open as they headed down the stairs leading to the bunker, flashlights on and knives at the ready. The air was stale but there had to be some kind of vent stuff because it was still breathable. When they reached the bottom Daryl knew to duck for a low beam but failed to mention it to Jesus. The top of his head made a dull thud as it connected with the wood. 

"What the-!?" Jesus barely stopped himself from yelling, Daryl whipped around to see Jesus cradling the top of his head. Daryl couldn't help it, he laughed. It was quiet but he really laughed as Jesus checked to see if he was bleeding, "Glad to entertain you." 

"Yer fine." Daryl reached up without thinking and ran his fingers into Jesus hair, a bump already swelling a bit but nothing serious. Jesus froze for moment as Daryl's rough hand slid over his head then pouted up at him. 

"You so did that on purpose." Daryl shook his head as he realized his was absently moving his fingers over the smaller man's scalp. He snatched his hand back, lucky he didn't rip out half of that soft hair. Jesus would be fine, no need to dwell on it. 

Daryl turned not seeing the way Jesus face fell at the lack of response and aimed his light to the back wall. A second beam joined his after a second and the scout gasped as Daryl bragged, "Told ya." 

There were pistols, rifles both automatic and semi-auto and shotguns. At least a dozen of each and a selection of different knives that made Jesus itch with his need to have some of them. Daryl walked over and opened the drawers on the shelf beneath the gun wall, they were full to the top with ammo. Jesus saw a cabinet to the side, through the glass he saw explosives, dynamite and C4 with plenty of detonators. It would have been Abraham's wet dream. 

Another wall was covered in crates that were filled with preserved food, a few even had spices and seeds for planting. There were some cans of gas under a tarp near a makeshift toilet. Jesus finally turned back to Daryl who still looked smug but he kind of had a right to be, Jesus grinned too, "Jackpot." 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

It was getting dark when they drove out of the town, the bunker now bare. The back of the truck was loaded down with all the supplies, leaving a little room near the door where they could hunker down for some sleep. Daryl let an hour pass and a lot of miles before he pulled over for the night. A few walkers wandered out of the woods but they were quick work. 

Daryl kept watch as Jesus lit the lantern and set up a place to sleep. He laid out a few of the heavy comforters on the floor then tossed their pillows on top. They didn't leave the panel door open when they climbed in that night. They tried a couple of the cans from the bunker, the peaches were still sweet and the corn wasn't soggy or rotten. All things aside, it hadn’t been a bad day. 

They were heading back at first light, hopefully it might only take a day and a half to get back. Daryl settled down, crossing his arms behind his head as the night wore on. Jesus reclined next to him but seemed content to leave the air empty of words. Daryl turned the lantern off and the both laid in silence until finally dropping into sleep. Daryl was awake before dawn as usual and wouldn't admit to anyone just how long he watched Jesus lay snuggled into his own pillow. 

\------------------------------------ 

They went to the Kingdom first when they got back. Gave them their share of the weapons and food as Jerry slapped them on the back for such a haul. Carol held Daryl tight before pressing a kiss to his cheek. She looked him over but he assured her, it had been a surprisingly decent run. King Ezekiel thanked them in his usual over the top way that made Jesus grin and Daryl's eyes roll. 

Rick met them at the gate when he reached Alexandria. Tara and Jesus portioned their share as Rick helped Daryl unload the beds. They got them set up in the houses that needed them most, everyone was beyond grateful over it all. Carl was actually smiling as he went from house to house with Eric giving out blankets. Daryl followed Rick to his house for a drink of water. Judith met him at the door with a squeal. 

"How's mah Lil Ass Kicker?" Daryl picked her up and swung her for a moment making her laugh. He hadn't seen her in a few weeks, not since everything started and Daryl decided he needed to be with Maggie at Hilltop. 

Rick shook his head as Daryl settled her on his hip and took a glass when Rick extended it, "We really appreciate all this, Daryl." 

Daryl paused midswallow, pausing at his brothers tone of voice. Rick waited until Daryl set the glass on the counter to continue, "Where did the beds come from?" 

Daryl chewed on his lip and adjusted Judith on his hip until she looked ready to smack him herself, "The farm." 

Rick gave a sad smile before shaking his head, "You didn’t have to do that." 

"I know." Daryl didn't explain his thinking to Rick and the man didn't ask. How was he supposed to say that he went back for one box in the attic? 

Sure, everything else was needed but they didn’t have to stop on the way to the bunker, they really could have just left it. He knew that box was there though and that everything inside of it was so essential even if it wouldn’t make sense to an outsider. Rick was family though so he would have got it but he didn't push. 

Daryl set Judith down when she started to wiggle and let himself be pulled over to her blocks in the corner. She held up each different one for him to see making him take each one in awe, her giggles filling the air as he gasped over every single piece. She showed him how they worked until a knock came to the door as it open. Jesus smiled as Judith waved over at him. Daryl kissed the top of her head as he got up to leave. 

Michonne was at the gate to hug them before they headed out. She cupped Daryl's face until he nodded, she was making sure he was alright so Rick obviously had already spoken to her. She looked between them as Daryl handed Jesus the keys, he didn't think he would feel like driving again in months. Aaron gave him a back slap in passing, other arm full of ammo for the armory. Daryl did miss Alexandria sometimes but Hilltop was starting to feel much the same. 

Jesus looked over at Daryl as they put a few miles behind them, "Feels like we've been gone for ages." 

Daryl nodded, kicking his feet up on the dash as they turned toward the Hilltop. He just couldn't resist and maybe he was a little too smug about how loud Jesus laughed as he instructed, "Take us home, ya prick." 

\------------------------------------

They were maybe six miles outside of Hilltop when Jesus stopped the truck. A couple hundred yards up were a few dozen walkers clumped together in the road. The roads had been clear then they left but these had been drawn out, they were all trying to get to something on the ground. 

"Go around or clear them?" Jesus pulled his beanie back over his head as Daryl's took in the state of bullshit before them. 

"Clear." They could handle it. Jesus nodded taking the keys out of the ignition and pulling his bandana up. Daryl took one side of the road and Jesus the other. 

They used the trees on the side of the road as cover before they were close enough to get to work. Jesus rustled a branch getting a hand full walkers attention as Daryl whistled at a cluster of about five. Their knives made quick work as more undead were attracted over, most were more than half starved and overly rotten. It only took a few minutes to clear the road and get nearly drenched in blackened blood. 

"What the hell?" Jesus looked down at whatever had brought all the undead out. 

Daryl rubbed his hands mostly clean on a rag as he retrieved the few arrows he used before coming to the man's side, "Is that people?" 

The bodies on the ground were definitely human though nearly stripped to the bone, the few remaining bits of flesh and pulp were blacked with burns that even walkers didn't find appetizing. It was clear they had been hog tied and left there. It had to be Negan. 

"I don't like this." Jesus rubbed at his nose with his bandana as he pulled down again, the stench was awful. The walkers had been at work for a while now and the sun had started to bake their meal. They needed to get this out of here or more geeks would come to finish the job. 

"Why would he do this? Aren’t those his men?" Jesus looked up at Daryl with confused eyes, Daryl didn't get a chance to answer before he saw it out of his peripheral. 

Daryl moved without having to think. His hand grabbed Jesus by the side of his face, he yanked him to the side and into his chest as he took a large step back from the pile of remains. Jesus didn't resist, letting Daryl move him but he was lost until an arrow whipped through the air right were his head just was. The bolt came to rest in a corpse of one of the already fallen walkers. 

Daryl's breath rattled in his chest as Jesus held the front of his shirt looking from the arrow back to the man's face. Daryl's fingers gripped his beanie until his knuckles went white, "Daryl, Daryl what?" 

"Dwight!" Daryl roared as the scrawny man came out of the tree cover. 

Dwight put his hands up, bow still in one, "I still can't aim this thing too good, my bad." 

Daryl nearly shoved Jesus behind him as he stomped over, his fist connected this Dwight's jaw twice in quick succession, "The fuck were you aiming for?" 

Dwight's head snapped to the side, blood overflowing from a busted lip, "Tree." 

Daryl's neck burned, the asshole didn't have to make some flashy entrance. Showing off because he still had Daryl's old bow that he couldn't use if his life depended on it. It was too close, if he had moved just a bit slower Jesus, no he didn’t want to think that. He pulled his fist back again but it was caught. 

Daryl let Jesus pull him back a few steps, "Enough. Dwight, to what do we owe this lovely visit?" 

Dwight flexed his jaw as Daryl dropped his arm but Jesus kept his fingers tight around his wrist, "This shit show was Negan." 

"Figured that much." Daryl snorted. 

"Those were the men that ran the other day, Negan only accepts kamikaze type shit. Said the guys shouldn't stayed and kept fighting as they burned, sick stuff," Dwight rubbed at his scar with a scowl, "He left them out here two days ago, made noise until some dead ones came out then just went back. They were still alive then." 

"Why though?" Jesus grimaced. 

"Show of strength, showing we're all disposable soldiers and to fall in line or else," Dwight shook his head, "Plus it puts an obstacle between Alexandria and Hilltop, too bad y'all came through before the herd got as big as he hoped." 

"What were you doin' out here?" Daryl's voice was still deep with rage. 

"Was gonna do what y'all did then let Rick know what's up. Negan doesn’t have anything else planned just yet but he'll have something else soon enough." A bruise was already coming up on the skinny man's face as he spoke, "Might wanna keep an eye on each others back a little better." 

Jesus didn't get Dwight's need to rile Daryl up, the larger man maked like he was about to attack again but Jesus stepped in front of him, "Thanks for the update, Dwight. Now, get lost before I give you a very personal lesson on aiming." 

Dwight's eyes went down to watch Jesus tapped at his knives before nodding. He was gone as quickly as he came thankfully, moving to update Rick before going back to the Sanctuary. Jesus relaxed his grip finally and Daryl snatched his arm back as he paced. Slimy little pest worked his last nerve better than Jesus ever did. He just wanted to break those ugly teeth over his knuckles. 

There weren't many remains and Jesus got them moved off the road quickly as Daryl removed the walkers. They tossed a few of the corpses on top of the chewed up flesh to keep more walkers from scenting it and coming for it. The last walker in the sickening pile still had Dwight's arrow in it. Daryl yanked it out with another growl. 

"You've regressed to nonverbal communication?" Jesus tried to tease as he took off his now ruined gloves, dropping them on the ground knowing he had more back home. 

"Don't." Daryl snipped pacing again, he didn't feel like joking at the moment. 

"One syllable, that's better." Jesus apparently didn’t get the not joking memo. Daryl wrapped both hands around the bolt and took a few deep breaths that did nothing to ease the fire in his veins. 

"He could, could've-" Daryl snapped the arrow in his hands, "Ya could, I might've been too, fuck! Piece of shit, wanna kill him." 

Daryl threw the pieces away and stomped back to the truck, Jesus followed willing to let Daryl work his anger out. Daryl slammed the door as he got in the passengers seat, still fuming but quiet now. Jesus started the truck again, rolling over the red and black stains on the pavement. 

After a few minutes Jesus reached over and nudge Daryl's shoulder, "I'm fine, Daryl." 

Daryl knew that but it was too close. He could still see that arrow flying just as clear as he saw the one that had taken Denise's life. People had to stop dying because of him, if Dwight had hurt Jesus it would have been his fault because it was only by Daryl's word the bastard still drew breath. Daryl grunted with a nod anyway for the other man's sake. 

Jesus squeezed his arm, "We're fine?" 

Daryl looked over at him through his bangs and straightened a bit in his seat, he nodded again. Jesus gave a small smile as he hand slid down to give Daryl's wrist a squeeze where it rested on his thigh. He could feel the warmth of Jesus skin now that his gloves were gone. Jesus was still alive, he was still there to talk Daryl's ear off and follow him around and on runs. Daryl was glad Jesus had tagged along though, even though five days earlier it bothered the hell out of him. 

He couldn’t have done all this alone. Daryl knew that now, he didn't need backup against walkers or people, it was the quiet, the loneliness that he couldn’t handle. Daryl used to find solace in being by himself but not anymore. That must have been why he agreed to let Jesus come along, why he decided to move into Jesus tiny trailer instead of an empty room in Barrington House. Daryl seemed to need company these days and Jesus filled that need pretty well. 

Daryl turned his wrist as Jesus moved to pull away, his fingers seemed so large as they closed over the slimmer ones. Daryl's fingers squeezed and Jesus returned the grip looking over a Daryl with his open questioning eyes. Daryl could feel his pulse through his skin, the life there making his shoulders lighten, "We're good." 

Jesus could only nodded as he turned onto the road to Hilltop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter now if this leaves anyone wanting more. A comment would be so lovely, all feedback fuels me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter but I can't tweak it anymore so here it is. There are things I love and things I've rewrite three times. 
> 
> I read it over but sorry for any mistakes.

Maggie wasn't there when they got to Hilltop. Her and Enid had gone out looking for berry bushes or herb plants they could relocate inside the walls. Jesus handled getting the food stored letting Daryl manage the weapons with Freddie. Afterwards Daryl took the chair out of the back of the truck and set it on the porch of Barrington House. Jesus set the box of clothes next to it, putting the album into the seat as Daryl dropped Herschel's medical supplies at the med trailer. He may have threatened Alex with penalty of death if anything happened to them. 

Daryl met back up with Jesus on the porch; they had kept one of the blankets from the farm, an old afghan that had been thrown across Herschel's bed and Jesus had draped it over the back of the chair. The younger man had removed his coat but his gut covered vest was still zipped over his linen shirt. Jesus was gently rocking the seat as Daryl walked up behind him, Jesus had never seen the farm like Daryl had but he seemed just as affected by it. Jesus was very close to Maggie after all, Daryl was sure they were best friends. 

The sound of the gate opening had Jesus turning, stopping when he saw Daryl behind him. He rubbed at his beard, a little color rising on the bridge of his nose like he was embarrassed for not realizing Daryl had been there. Daryl held his hands up in fake surrender at surprising the man getting a scoff in response. Jesus smiled as he jogged down the steps to the entrance. 

"These blackberry bushes are going to be amazin'," Maggie beamed as she passed some dug up seedlings to Brianna who did most of the gardening besides the leader herself, "And this aloe plant is going to get huge and it has about a hundred uses." 

Enid was carrying the aloe like it was trophy before passing it off too. Maggie's smile somehow got even bigger as Jesus came to meet her. She threw her arms around his shoulder as he hugged her. Daryl walked up watching Maggie rub his back then step back her brow creasing at the grime on his vest. 

"One of Negan's games." Jesus sighed, her eyes went stormy before he shushed her that it was handled. She turned to Daryl and her face cleared and brightened, not minding his own state and hurried to him with her arms open. Daryl scooped her up into his arms, nose burying into her shoulder as she tried to squeeze the life from him. 

"Glad y'all are back," She smiled leaning back, "How'd it go?" 

"About a months worth of food per community," Jesus supplied, "Each of us got five pistols and shotguns and ten rifles each. Plus some other odds and ends." 

Maggie's eyes went wide, "Wow, that's amazin'!" 

"We got you a surprise too," Jesus grabbed her hand, "Close your eyes." 

She gave an exasperated sigh looking to Daryl who nodded taking her other hand. She laughed closing her eyes and they lead her to the house. Enid followed ever the nosy kid still. They guided her up the steps, making sure she didn't trip and stopped her in front of the chair and let her hands go. 

"Now?" She teased. 

Jesus tucked a loose bit of hair behind her ear, "Open." 

Her eyes opened slowly taking a moment to focus before her hands covered her mouth. She gasped knees giving a weak wobble but Daryl's hand rested on her back. Maggie stepped forward hands shaking as she ran her fingertips over the worn wood, burying in the quilt for a moment. She picked up the leather album and turned to gently sit in the chair like it was all an illusion. Leaning back to give a few slow rocks, throat bobbing with emotion. 

Her hands still shook as she opened the cover and sobbed, Jesus had set the family portrait just inside. Maggie traced the faces, eyes overflowing. Daryl knelt down in front of her, hands on her knees as her shoulders jerked with sobs, tears cutting through the dust on the glass. Daryl pulled the box around between her knees, Maggie rubbed she face with the back of her hand watching him open the top. 

"These were ours," Maggie's voice broke as she touched the small soft clothes, "Mama just couldn't part with them." 

"Figured ya'd need 'em." Daryl wiped a tear off her check with his knuckle, he hated to see anyone cry. 

She managed to smile and set the album into the box before grabbing him around the neck. Daryl rubbed her back as she sobbed into his shoulder, a reverse of the last time when he broke down in her arms. She leaned back after a moment, Daryl stood up and stepped back so she could get up. Jesus used the clean part of his bandana to dry her face making her chuckle before wrapping him in a hug too. 

"Thank y'all," Maggie whispered after she collected herself, her smile big and beautifully sad, "Thank y'all so much." 

They both nodded as Maggie picked up the album again and started to show it to Enid who was rubbing her own eyes dry. It was too much emotion for Daryl, he started down the steps but paused when his hand was grabbed, "Where are you going?" 

Daryl looked back at Jesus who looked concerned like Daryl shouldn't be alone right then, "I'm gonna get some air, go for a hunt and make sure no walkers are heading this way. Was in that truck too long." 

"I can-" Daryl shook his hand, he needed some breathing room. He had to clear his mind and heart for a little bit. He could be alone for that much. 

"I'm good, go wash up and get some rest," Daryl squeezed his hand, "Be back in two hours, tops." 

Jesus looked doubtful for a moment before nodding, Daryl's hand slipped from his grasp as he walked toward the gate. Jesus crossed his arms over his chest watching him go until Maggie coughed, "So....what else happened on this run?" 

Daryl could practically hear the blood rush to Jesus face as he stammered, "No, nothing." 

It was good to hear Maggie laugh like that again, the melody of it following him down the path. 

\-------------------------------- 

There were a few more roamers in the trees than usual but nothing Daryl couldn't handle. After about a mile he found a large tree and settled at its base. The woods needed to calm before he could hope to catch anything, walkers made the critters nervous. Daryl still held his bow though the grip was loose. 

The last week had been rough, not that any of the past few years had been a picnic but Daryl was nearly drained. He didn't like getting emotional, he had a few breakdowns right after what happened with Negan but he thought he had put the lid back on it. It seemed not. 

Daryl scrubbed at his face, days worth of travel sat there and he really needed a shower but he had to have some space for a little bit. He had caused Maggie a measure of grief bringing all that stuff back, old wounds in her heart had opened. She was strong though and the joy of the memories would be a balm on her hurt. She had been through so much but took everything in stride, using it all as iron for her spine making her tougher than ever. If he was being honest he knew he had needed some distance from Jesus. 

From Jesus with his clear blue eyes and full lips framed by a perfect beard. Jesus who took a joke and hit in equal measures. Jesus who could laugh and cut you to the core in the same breath. Jesus who had thought Daryl hated him but that was so far off base. 

Daryl tugged at his hair with a frustrated grunt, who could hate Jesus? Daryl never could and he had tried but he knew it was impossible. Ever since the younger man had slid that bandana down for the first time Daryl was captivated. He had tried to make himself not be though, had put on the air that Jesus only pissed him off because that would be so much easier. Wanting to throttle the man was better than any other option when it came to Daryl and his emotional constipation. 

Daryl didn't do all this though. It hadn’t worked with Beth, he had opened up with her more than anyone else but he couldn’t save her. His chest still constricted at the pain of her loss, Daryl wasn't sure if he had been in love with her or not but something was there. Something that he would miss for the rest of his life even though someone else made his heart pound just as hard now. 

Daryl couldn't do this, not like that again. He knew though, from that first moment he was doomed. Daryl shook his head, smiling at his own predicament when a rustle drew his attention. A hare as wandered out of it's den, Daryl's bow went up and the arrow hit true in the same heartbeat. 

Daryl got up to retrieve the rabbit, it was time to head back anyway, he was done thinking for now. 

\--------------------------------------- 

Daryl headed to the trailer when he got back after dropping off the three rabbits he had caught, just shy of two hours like he had predicted. Daryl still knocked on the door before entering even though Jesus had told him repeatedly it was just as much his place. Jesus swung the door open at the tap, a towel running over his still dripping hair. He shook his head but didn't argue as Daryl came in. 

Daryl plopped down on the couch that now served as his bed and worked on taking his boots off. He was beyond ready to wash the last week off, a fact that made him smirk since he used to care so little about hygiene. Jesus had set him out a clean change of clothes and towel on the table, an unnecessary but not unwelcome gesture. 

"Maggie said you should have this." Jesus had walked up to stand in front of him, barefoot in soft looking sweatpants and thin hoodie. One hand was still working the moisture from his long locks and the other was extended to the older man. 

Daryl looked up to see a picture, a picture of Beth. It was more recent than the family portrait, it could have been her last high school yearbook photo. She was posed toward the lens, head slightly tilted and all but the smile was big and genuine. Daryl's breath caught as he took it. She looked so alive in the picture, more alive than he might have ever seen her. 

Daryl carefully set the picture down, Maggie must have taken it out of the album since it was still in pristine condition and he didn't want his filthy hands to ruin it, "I'll thank her later." 

Jesus nodded pausing in his drying, eyes not finding Daryl's as he asked, "You really cared for her, didn't you?" 

It felt like a punch to the gut, thinking of her usually was. He didn't know the best way to answer, he didn't even know why Jesus of all people was bringing her up. The man had never known her, had never got to experience her light and life just heard of her in past tense. Daryl had loved her, he would never be sure if it was like he did with Rick and his family or if it might have been stronger. It didn't matter though because she was gone. 

Daryl didn't like to admit to loving anything but he hesitate longer than he normally would before settling on, "I suppose I might've." 

Jesus seemed satisfied with that as he turned to sit on his bed to finish up with his hair. Daryl awkwardly got up and grabbed his stuff off the table to go shower. Daryl stood in the lukewarm water for a while, the hot water heater was only so big for the trailer but Jesus always made sure to not use all the hot water. There were three kinds of shampoo in the stall; an all natural one that Jesus had found and been using, a flowery scented one that Maggie and Enid used that hadn't gone to Barrington House with them and a simple fresh scented one for Daryl. 

Daryl liked basic things. Basic clothes, basic foods, basic toiletries apparently and basic emotions. Not that he got a lot of the latter. His feelings always seemed to get so convoluted even if he tried for them not to which is why he tried to not feel much of anything. Daryl had just worked up a good lather with his Irish Spring when he heard it filtering in through the thin door. 

_"When darkness falls, may it be, that we should see the light,"_ Daryl paused as Jesus sang, _"When reaper calls, may it be, that we walk straight and right."_

Daryl knew the song, of course he knew it but never like this. Jesus voice was light and soft, hanging on the words with a slower melody. 

_"When doubt returns, may it be, that faith shall permeate our scars."_ Daryl cut the water off after rinsing, _"When we’re seduced, then may it be, that we not deviate our cause."_

Daryl pulled on his clothes as Jesus voice got a little louder, like he might have lost himself in the song for a moment, _"All sinners, a future. All saints, a past. Beginning, the ending. Return to ash."_

Jesus mouth closed with a snap when Daryl came out of the bathroom. He was sitting on his bed with a book open in his hands though he didn't seem to be reading it. A blanket and Daryl's pillow were laid out on the couch, Jesus had set it up for him while he bathed. Daryl said nothing as he crossed the living room and stretched out, not caring that his wet hair was soaking his pillowcase. 

They sat in silence for many long minutes. He could hear Jesus turn the page in his book though he doubted he had read a word. Daryl could smell Jesus earthy shampoo on his pillow and it did weird things to his stomach he didn't want to dwell on. The sun was just barely setting but Daryl's body was tired and his mind even more so. 

"Daryl, I'm sorry," Jesus spoke suddenly making Daryl turn to cock an eyebrow at him, "I shouldn’t have asked about Beth, it was personal and you don’t owe me those kind of things." 

Daryl just kept staring at him, the question hadn't really bothered him. It was anything to do with the girl that got to him but Daryl wasn't mad at him over it. Daryl just held their stare until Jesus looked down at his novel, a little color filling his checks that even the low light didn't cover. 

"So, I'm sorry, I guess." Jesus shrugged fidgeting with the pages in his hands. Daryl nodded for lack of anything better to do, Jesus smiled before nodding himself and looking back down at his book, the man had started to get good at deciphering Daryl's mannerisms. 

Daryl didn't know where the words came from, for a moment he wasn't even sure they came from his mouth, "Why don't ya go ahead, go ahead and keep singin'?" 

Jesus looked up at him slowly, like he might have been hearing things, mouth slightly agap, "I thought you hated my singing." 

Daryl could hear the words echoing in his head as he spoke, echoing from a different time and place, "There ain't no jukebox, so..." 

Daryl made a random gesture with his hands before tucking them behind his head. Jesus slowly closed his book taking a shallow almost unsure breath, _"Now that we’re dead, my dear, we can be together. Now that we’re dead, my dear, we can live forever. When all is pain, may it be, it’s all we’ve ever known."_

Jesus voice was slow and almost haunting, so different from the original but somehow better at least to Daryl. The sky outside was nearly dark but neither made a move to cut on a light, the trailer was deem and Daryl closed his eyes. 

_"When flame consumes, may it be, it warms our dying bones,"_ Jesus breathed deeply, letting the words roll and hang in the air, _"When loss has won, may it be, it’s you I’m madly fighting for."_

Jesus finished the song but Daryl was asleep before the next verse. 

 

\---------------------------------------- 

"What was brought back last is a tremendous blessing," Ezekiel spoke in his usual theatrical way, "But it still will not be enough." 

They were at the Kingdom going over Rick's plan. Pull a Negan on the asshole himself, roll up to his gates and let loose. Eduardo had been keeping tabs on the herd on the highway and it seemed they were just moving closer to the Sanctuary. It wouldn't take much to get them in the most advantageous direction. They needed more fire power first though. They might have less people but more bullets could balance that. 

"If we could just find the Scavengers we'd have our guns back." Rosita grumbled. 

The trash dwellers had just seemed to vanish into thin air so that didn’t help their situation, Rick looked over the maps spread out over the table, "There has to be somewhere." 

Jesus tapped a spot about a half days drive out of Negan's territory, "There was a mall out there, it had an Academy that looked pretty untouched." 

Daryl and him had passed the place on their run but Daryl's hadn't paid it that much mind. His thought's had been on other things after all. 

"You'd be willing to risk it?" Maggie asked, "It could be empty or overrun." 

"If it's empty then nothing ventured nothing gained," Jesus grinned as Daryl snotted at the optimism, "If it doesn’t look good I'll leave it and try something else." 

"You can't go alone." Carol pointed out. 

"Something like this needs at least four people, so every back is covered," Michonne agreed, "I'm in." 

"Me too." Rosita hadn't really been out since she had been shot and she was ready for some action again. 

Daryl saw Jesus glances at him but it was Michonne's pointed stare that had him caving, "Fine, I'll come too." 

Ezekiel clapped loudly, "It is settle then, rest here for the night then head out at dawn." 

Daryl felt like his eyes would pop out of his head at how hard he rolled them. 

\-------------------------------- 

Michonne had taken the keys to the RV before anyone else could, Daryl sat in the passengers seat to director her. The sun hadn't even crested as they headed out, they needed all the daylight they could get to work with. Fall was only drawing closer and the days were shortening. 

Jesus and Rosita sat at the table in the back going over the maps again for the first couple hours then moving on to cleaning the guns and knives to pass the time. Jesus walked up next to Daryl, leaning over and pulling his buck knife from it's holster without a word. Daryl had just leaned back to let him without a thought, not noticing the two women's eyes following the action. 

"You're different." Michonne suddenly said, Daryl's eyebrows nearly touched his hairline at the comment. 

"How so?" Daryl turned to face her in his seat. 

"It's not a bad thing," She smiled over at him, "You just seem happier than you've been since-...than you've been in a long time." 

Daryl gave her a 'please elaborate look' but she just kept smiling reaching over to pat his head. He let her but still gave her suspicious looks. Daryl knew how he and Jesus acted around each other was different from how he usually was. It had become comfortable though, the easy way they drifted around one another even though Daryl didn't dare to put a label on it. It was working and that was enough. 

It was almost noon when they reached the turn off for the mall. They circled the parking lot a few times, there were a lot cars but no walkers they could see right off. Michonne backed up as close to the doors of the store as she could get. The doors were locked, not chained or anything more fortifying which was promising and the locks were still intact. 

Daryl banged on the glass, no movement could be seen. After a few minutes they all gave a nod to move in. Jesus picked it quickly and quietly, Rosita climbed up onto of the RV to keep watch. Daryl could almost see a blonde woman on top of a Winnebago before shaking his head and heading inside. The skylights provided a lot of visibility, the store was large but silent. 

After a quick check the store proved empty. The openings leading into the mall had the gates down, a few walkers still wandered from place to place. Luckily what they needed was at the back of the store and the back stock room was equally empty. Michonne took over grabbing the ammo, Daryl would get the guns while Jesus snagged anything they might need. 

"Don't go far." Daryl said slapping Jesus on the back as he started to wander off. 

"I know, I got this." Jesus grinned making Daryl roll his eyes before swiftly turning down an aisle. 

The key to the gun cases was in a drawer below the register and once all of them were open it was easy work. Daryl had already filled two gun bags with rifles and pistols in just ten minutes. Michonne took the bags out with her as she loaded down bag after bag with ammo. It seemed miraculous that the place had remained untouched but it had been a relatively small town. Jesus had found some Walkies and had cleared the shelf of the long range ones. Taking every pack of batteries he crossed and all the gun oils and cleaners. 

Daryl glanced up as Jesus flitted in and out of view. Coming back to grab an empty bag letting Michonne take his full one. He gave Daryl a glove clad thumbs up before heading to the flashlight section. Daryl listened to his boots on the floor, even though the man was a ninja he wasn't quiet enough for Daryl's ears. 

Jesus had just tossed some holsters in a bag when he heard a rattle that even made Daryl pause in grabbing the last AR-15 in the case. Jesus zipped his bag up before swinging it onto his back and moved toward the sound. He looked around a shelf and saw at least a dozen walkers leaning on the gate, it gave a heavy shutter with their weight. The metal was obviously cheap, it probably wouldn’t hold much more. 

Jesus jumped at a loud crash from within the store, Michonne had accidentally knocked over a display of sunglasses and whispered, "Shit." 

Jesus could see more movement further inside the mall that's when he realized, there were hundreds of walkers out there. They had drawn by the bang on the door and the sounds of them within the store and they were coming now. That thin gate wasn't going to hold, that's why the place had been left untouched. Obviously the people of the town had known the mall was overrun. 

Jesus turned to head back toward the gun section, the undead knew they were there so no use being quiet now, "Time to go!" 

"Jesus?!" Michonne yelled. She and Daryl shared a look, the man moving from behind the counter to stand at her side. He didn't like that neither of them knew where Jesus was, the man was good on his own so they hadn't thought to let him roam the store by himself. Daryl wished now he had eyes on the scout because the tone of his voice had put the older man on edge. 

"Walkers!" Jesus answered. 

Daryl and Michonne came tearing up an aisle just as the gate gave a screech and clattered to the floor under the walkers that made Jesus take off running. They ran for the door as Jesus sprinted to meet them but the place was big and he had been on the other side, the walkers quickly filling the store and following the sound of their shoes hitting the tile. Rosita was at the door yelling in a mix of English and Spanish for them to hurry. 

Jesus was almost to the doors as the RV roared to life, Daryl tossed Rosita the last gun bag as she jumped in. Daryl turned bow up taking out a walker that reached for Jesus, it hit the ground and Jesus smiled at him as he ran. More closed in and Daryl felt his heart jump as rotten fingers dug into Jesus coat and pack pulling him down even as Jesus swung the knife in his hand back. Daryl let another arrow fly, hitting the walker on Jesus back that had made the man fall to his hands and knees. 

The walkers were only getting closer and Jesus was struggling with a large once male walker trying to hold him down, Daryl's vision went blurry as a another walker fell forward open jaws headed for a thin neck, **"Paul!"**

Jesus reached back ripping an arrow of one walker's forehead to jam it into that one's eye and with a grunt shoved to his feet. Rosita swung out for a moment to lay down a spray of bullets that cleared the walkers right at the scouts back. Daryl hopped into the doorway as Jesus reached him. 

Daryl grabbed him around the waist and practically threw the smaller man into the RV, "Fuckin' drive!" 

Michonne didn't have to be told twice as the door slammed shut and the walkers tried to claw at the metal. The tires skidded as she sped out of the parking lot. The vehicle was filled with the sound of them all panting as Michonne ate up asphalt away from the mall. 

"God damn." Rosita breathed from the passengers seat turning to look back as Jesus collapsed to the floor only to had a red faced redneck yank him back to his feet. 

Daryl whirled him around making sure Jesus coat hadn’t ripped and let any injuries through. Jesus went limp letting him check, Daryl slid his hair off his neck to see the unblemished skin beneath. There had been so many walkers, he could still see the look of shock on Jesus face as he was dragged down. 

Daryl's hands squeezed his shoulders for a moment prompting Jesus to say, "I'm fine, Daryl." 

The words made his blood boil with selfish fear, he almost hadn't been though. Another second and that walker would have sunk its teeth in. Daryl shoved Jesus making him stumble into the seating behind the driver. He turned around giving Daryl a confused look as he sat on the bench, Daryl seeing the tears in the knees of his cargos from the walkers taking him down only making him more angry. 

"Why ya always gotta get yerself in trouble?" Daryl seethed, "Ya got a death wish or something?" 

Jesus opened his mouth but nothing came out, his eyes wide and maybe a little hurt. 

"All ya do is get yerself almost killed, if ya can't hold yer own just stay back at Hilltop." Daryl ranted. 

That seemed to snap Jesus back, "If I recall I held my own just fine when it came to dealing with you and Rick." 

"Oh yeah, got yerself knocked out by a door, only reason ya didn't wake up in a tree was or didn't come to at all was 'cause I was nice enough to take ya with us back home," Daryl gave no pause at the glare Jesus was giving him. 

"I've had your back plenty of times and I clearly did just fine before we met," Jesus pointed out, "What is your problem?" 

Daryl stepped up to glare down at the smaller man, "I'm tired of having to save yer ass all the damn time, next time I'll just let ya get eaten!" 

The small gasp Jesus let out did make Daryl stop like a bucket of cold water, Rosita got up and shoved Daryl hard, "Enough. Go fuck off until we get back." 

Daryl felt awful now that his anger was gone, he didn't know what had made him say those things. Rosita sat next to Jesus looking over the scrapes on his knees as the young man let his hair hang in his face not meeting Daryl's eyes. All Daryl was ever good at was messing things up and not knowing he was until after the fact. He had only just gotten to a good place with Jesus and was actually enjoying it. Of course he had to ruin that. 

Michonne threw an occasional glare back at Daryl where he stood awkwardly like she was his disappointed parent. Daryl shuffled to the back to look over everything they had collected to save himself from saying anything else, until five uncomfortable hours later they reached Alexandria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave a thought, comment or any feedback. Let me know how y'all are feeling about this story and of course comments fuel my motivation. 
> 
> The song is 'Now that we're Dead' by Metallica for anyone who didn't know.
> 
> I have the next chapter planned out but maybe a paragraph actually written. I'm working on it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me a bit to get this up but I really fought with it. I'm kinda proud how parts turned out while others were just stubborn beasts that nearly drove me mad. I hope it is even half of what y'all are looking forward to. Notice the tag and rating change.
> 
> As always, I read over this but all mistake are my own.
> 
> Also, the song for the chapter, meaning the song I had on near repeat for the most part is "Yours" by Russell Dickerson, y'all should totally give it a listen. And if anyone can guess the song I based the fic title on I would be so impressed, since y'all now have any idea of my musical taste.

Jesus headed back for Hilltop as soon as they got back saying he needed to get back to Maggie as soon as possible. He told Rick that Daryl could bring Hilltop's share back with him in the SUV they had driven to Alexandria before taking the RV with the other for the Kingdom the day before. Rick let him take one of their small cars, trading vehicles had become common among the communities. 

"Was he alright?" Rick asked as he and Daryl sorted the weapons in the bags out. 

Rosita snorted, "Yeah Daryl, is Jesus alright?" 

Daryl glared over at her, "Stop." 

"No," She quipped, "That was messed up back there, the way you spoke to him. No wonder he didn't want to spend more time with you than he absolutely had to." 

Daryl clenched his fists as Rick and Carol stared at him confused, pausing in portioning up the supplies. Michonne though still upset with him spoke up, "That's enough." 

"Y'all got this?" Daryl gestured at all the guns and ammo, Jesus had left his pack before leaving and it still had some residual rot from the walkers on it. Before anyone could answer Daryl stomped off leaving the armory and heading for Rick's place. 

Carl was inside with Judith, he was reading her a book when Daryl walked in. Judith struggled to get down from her brothers lap so she could hurry over on her toddling legs to the man. Daryl bent down to pull her to his chest. Her hands running over his face with joy, a reaction he didn't think he currently deserved. Carl got up to put the book away but Daryl held his hand out for it. 

"I'll finish story time," Daryl took the book, "Go help yer old man, got a lot of cool new guns." 

"Thanks." Carl smiled as he hurried out the door, in moments like that it wasn't so hard to remember Carl was just a teenager and not a grown man like he usually seemed. 

Daryl carried Judith out onto the porch, settling her in his lap as he sat in one of the rocking chairs. It was new so unlike the one that now took up residence at the Hilltop. Judith wiggled a bit before finding a comfy spot and Daryl opened the book. He let her turn a few pages until she stopped on one she seemed to like. He read until the end of **The Cat in the Hat** with her babbling along happily. 

When he tried to close it she shook her head and he flipped to the beginning to start over. By the fourth page she had nodded off into an early evening nap. Daryl set the book on the floor next to his chair and gently adjusted her into his chest, she snuffled but remained asleep. He didn’t know how long he sat rocking her, the sun was just threatening to set before long. 

He ran his fingers through her soft hair. They had always had a soft spot for each other that shocked many people. He wasn't complaining though, she could forever calm his nerves and she wasn't old enough to judge him for being an insufferable dumbass. So, in moments like this he just held her closer and kissed her loose curls. 

Carol walked up on the porch smiling at the sight. Daryl flipped her off as she quietly awed at him sitting in the chair beside him. They sat in silence for many long moments, "What happened?" 

Daryl glanced over at her and sighed, "I know they already told ya." 

"Their side of it, yes," Carol nodded relaxing back into her chair, "I want to know what happened with you." 

Daryl thought for a moment and she didn't press, "I screwed up." 

"How so?" She was always so patient. 

Daryl knew he could be honest with her on everything so he opened his mouth, "I was scared, he almost died. Again. There were walkers and I didn't pay enough attention, I shoulda not let him go off on his own. But he was just grinning and I guess I got distracted by it or somethin'. I said I ain't gonna save him no more but that's a lie. I just can't..." 

Judith whined, his word vomit bothering her. Daryl stroked her hair and shushed her softly waiting until her breathing evened out to continue, "I just can't do it again." 

"Do what?" Carol prompted and he glared at her even though it had long since lost any effect on her. 

Daryl chewed on his lip stalling, burying his nose in Judith's soft sweet-smelling hair for a few more minutes, "I can't lose someone again." 

She nodded, she would forever remember the pain he went through after that day at Grady Memorial. The sight of his heart break would always be etched into her and the whole groups memory, just like Maggie's screams. 

"You think he is yours to lose?" Carol stared blankly as his mouth opened and closed a few times not knowing how to respond. She cracked a grin after letting him flounder a bit, "He is, Daryl." 

Daryl blinked slowly as she stood up, "So, you should tell him all that." 

Daryl didn't fight as Carol took Judith from his arms, she whimpered but stayed asleep, "I don't...I can't...he might not..." 

"You can," She said firmly before leaning down to kiss the top of his head, "He'll understand. After all, you’re his too." 

Carol left him sitting on the porch with his mouth hanging open to go lay Judith down in her crib. 

\------------------------------- 

Daryl stayed the night in Alexandria, stewing in his own bullshit. Michonne seemed to have forgiven him for his outburst after discussing with Rick. The man got him better than most, save for Carol and now Jesus apparently. Daryl left at first light as Carol drove back to the Kingdom. She had given him a long hug before they got into their cars. 

He missed living with her but he knew that it was unlikely they ever would again. She had found her peace at the Kingdom, with Ezekiel. Daryl couldn't deny that he had found more comfort at the Hilltop than he ever might have at Alexandria. Though their family was spread so far, they were still strongly united, no matter what. 

The whole drive back Daryl couldn't figure out what he wanted to say to Jesus. The only time words seemed to come easy was when he was in a rage and then they were usually all the wrong ones. Kal was on the gate when he got back, the man had returned after Gregory had made him take him to Simon's outpost, he couldn't betray his home. He waved as Daryl rolled in with Maggie and Enid coming down to meet him. 

Daryl opened the back of the SUV letting Freddie and Earl take over unloading the new stock. They all knew they had all the weapons needed now. They had decided that they had to take out the closest outpost before taking Negan head on. The Hilltop would be taking on Simon's outpost in two days' time and all the colonists were getting ready. 

Enid helped the men start taking the guns in as Maggie gestured for Daryl to follow her. Daryl already knew that she knew. He followed her as she seemed to wander aimlessly then turned and he knew where they were going. He didn't come here often, it hurt him to see the three graves. 

Maggie paused taking a deep breath, Glenn's loss still and would probably always hurt her. Daryl hated that he was the one who had caused her such sorrow even if she didn't blame him, he always would. Fresh rich blue flowers lay on the graves making her chuckle, "Jesus says the blue is for peace and that peace follows release." 

She ran her fingers over one of the crosses, Enid had craved a beautiful 'G' into the wood. They had buried Sasha next to Abraham, where she had wanted to be forever. Maggie bent down and grabbed one of the deep blue hydrangeas pressing it gently to her check, "I wonder if he got these for them or maybe himself. He was a bit of a wreck when he got back yesterday." 

Daryl's breath stuttered in his chest as she turned to look at him feeling shame wash over him. He couldn’t meet her eyes making her shake her head with a small smile. Maggie walked up to him lifting his chin making him look at her, "He's out on a run with Eduardo tracking the herd, he'll be back by tonight. That's plenty of time to figure out what to say." 

She placed the flower into his hand and tucked his hair behind his ears lovingly, "Yer not mad?" 

"No, Daryl," Maggie pet his hair for another moment, "I know how much you miss her but don't let that stop you from doing something worthwhile. She would've kicked your butt for that." 

Daryl felt his lip quiver but bit down on it with a nod, stopping from hiding his face. Maggie left him there with a small kiss to his cheek that he slightly leaned into making her smile widen. After standing there a few more minutes he set the flower back down on the mound pressing his hand to the dirt for a heartbeat before heading to the trailer. He almost knocked but stopped knowing no one was inside. Daryl went in wonder for a moment if Jesus even still wanted him there but pushed the thought away. 

Daryl set his pack and bow down by the couch before sitting on the cushions with a heavy sigh. He noticed it right off, sitting on the table now in a frame was Beth's picture. A large royal blue iris sat in front of it. Daryl stared at it, a smile creeping onto his face because even when Daryl had been a complete ass Jesus still made small sweet gestures like that. Even if he hadn't done it for Daryl but the girls memory it still made Daryl's heart skip a beat. 

Daryl killed time over the next hours. He took over a guard shift that ended by early afternoon. He ate lunch with Enid quizzing her on how to tell if a plant was poisonous or not. He helped Maggie with training, the people of Hilltop had hardened so much it made Daryl seriously impressed. As dusk settled Daryl still hadn't thought of just what he wanted to say. 

Maggie had sent Daryl back to his trailer after dinner where he sat on the picnic table outside. The air still held some late August heat as he perched on the table top watching the people settle in for the night. Shortly after the sound of a car approaching could be heard and the gate opened. Daryl's eyes followed Jesus as he got out of the car and went into Barrington House still in his ripped cargo pants, it wasn't long until he came back out headed for the trailer. 

Daryl tried not to take too much notice how Jesus said nothing as he went inside the trailer. He hadn't even spared Daryl a glance. After thirty minutes the sun was completely down but Daryl didn't move, he didn't know what to do. He almost jumped when the trailer door opened, light pouring out from the lamp inside as Jesus came down. 

He had removed his beanie and trench coat, his hair pulled up into a loose damp bun. He had changed into a light green sweater and his usual nightly sweatpants though he had pulled his boots back on. He said nothing as he climbed onto the tabletop next to Daryl, lacing his fingers between his knees. Daryl could smell his soap and see a little moisture on his neck still dripping from his hair. How was it just the day before Daryl had been so sure the man was about to die but now he sat so calm and full of life? 

Jesus looked over catching Daryl staring making him blurt, "I'm sorry." 

Daryl's face went hot as Jesus eyes widened, "I'm sorry 'bout yesterday. What I said, I didn't mean it." 

Jesus nodded slowly, bumping his knee against Daryl's good-naturedly, "It's alright." 

"It ain't though," Daryl shook his head, "It weren't true, ya do fine out there. I just said that cause I was-…" 

"You were?" Jesus tilted his head to the side. 

"I'm jus, I'm just sorry okay?" Daryl back petalled turned back forward as Jesus stared at the side of his head definitely not missing the flush on his neck. 

Daryl frozen as Jesus leaned over and rested his forehead on Daryl's shoulder, his clean soft hair brushing his check, "You were afraid, so was I honestly." 

Daryl slowly melted under the weight of Jesus words and his touch, swallowing thickly, "Yeah, I guess. Sorry." 

Jesus chuckled, the huff of it warm on Daryl's bare bicep, "All we seem to do is apologize to each other, ever notice that?" 

A strand of hair had slipped from the bun and Daryl reached up tucking it behind Jesus ear then let his hand rest on the back his neck. The spot where that walkers breath had been beating down on, he felt Jesus shiver beneath the touch as he sighed, "I suppose we do." 

They sat like that for a while, not caring about the time or that a few of the other colonist had walked by and either glanced or stared at them. Jesus had started picking at the frayed edges of Daryl's shirt, seeming content to just stay like that. Daryl's fingertips had found the thin soft baby hairs at the other man's nape. It all felt right, like Beth on his back in a serious piggyback or her fingers lacing through his. 

"I like-…" Daryl paused spooked by his voice but his nerves calmed as Jesus hummed, "I like ya alive. I like ya here, breathing." 

Jesus leaned back, his fingers twisting in the material of Daryl's shirt, big eyes clear and searching his own for any dishonesty as Daryl soldiered on, "I like when yer talkin' a mile a minute. When yer quiet and reading. I like that thing ya do where ya twist yer hair when yer thinkin'. I..." 

"You?" Jesus whispered leaning in so his chin was practically on Daryl's shoulder and he didn't want to miss a word. 

Daryl swallowed, like and love weren't the same thing after all and this was something worthwhile, right? "I like ya bein' with me." 

"Even if you have to keep saving me?" Jesus smiled wide and Daryl would forever wish he had never said that. 

"Especially then." Daryl saw him lean forward, knew what was about to happen but he didn't stop it. Jesus eyes closed and Daryl noticed not for the first time how long his lashes were before his eyes slipped shut too. 

Daryl pressed into the kiss, Jesus lips were soft but firm. The first one was quick but the one that followed lingered with their shared breath. Their beards rasped not unpleasantly as Jesus pulled back their eyes blinking open, "I like you too." 

Daryl's heart pounded at the words, nodding before turning and kissing Jesus again. Now that he knew the action was welcome he just might get addicted to it, Carol always said kisses were Daryl's favorite form of affection. The smaller man smiled against his mouth, arms winding around his neck as Daryl's hands found his waist to pull him closer. 

"Say it again." Jesus breathed against his mouth making Daryl pause before smirking. 

He trailed his lips up Jesus check bone to whisper, "I like ya, Paul." 

\-----------------------------------------  
Over the next two days Daryl quickly learned Jesus seemed to like kisses even more than him. He wasn't shy about them either. Daryl was helping the man with training again the next morning when it happened. Enid had come and told Jesus that Maggie needed him. 

"Got this?" Jesus asked and Daryl nodded, it was just target practice. Jesus had leaned in without a thought and pecked his mouth, Daryl had returned it instinctively. It was until everyone started catcalling as Jesus walked off that he realized what they had done. His face had been red the rest of the lesson. 

By the end of the first day Jesus had to have kissed him in front of every person of Hilltop at least once. Maggie had a huge grin when she had walked into the trailer at lunch time to find Daryl cradling Jesus face in his palms in the process of kissing the air from the smaller man's lungs. Jesus even had sported a blush as she cleared her throat. 

"I was hoping to borrow Daryl for a bit but if y'all are busy I'll come back." She giggled as Daryl stepped back nodding. 

"I'm comin', see ya tonight Paul." Daryl shuffled out the door hearing Maggie echo in awe _'Paul?'_. 

He took a few deep breaths, the kid got his blood pressure up in different ways now. Through the thin door he heard Maggie's shushed voice, "I told you, it was worth a try." 

"Yeah, it is." Daryl could hear the smile in Jesus voice. The door opened a moment later and Maggie just kept smiling at him. He couldn't do anything but return it. 

Rick came the next day by late afternoon, he was going to help with the outpost attack. Michonne was left in charge back home should anything happen before his return. He had taken pause when Jesus had stood close to Daryl's side as they went over a course of action. Rick's eyebrows had climbed up his forehead as Daryl rested his hand on the smaller man back casually. 

Jesus had pressed a kiss to Daryl's chin as he left out to take over guard duty. Rick cleared his throat then gestured for Daryl to follow him. Maggie smirked as the left the room knowing Daryl was about to get an awkward talking to. 

"So, that is new." Rick didn't have to specify. 

Daryl gnawed on his lip as he nodded, "Yup." 

Rick had walked them out onto the porch, pausing to look over the rocking chair with a momentary sad smile, "I'm not surprised, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later." 

"Ya knew?" Daryl asked but Rick just gave him a 'c'mon seriously' look. This was the man who kept purposely knocking the ninja onto his shoulder. 

"You're happy, right?" Rick squeezed his shoulder. Daryl was his brother, he just wanted the man to find something good again. 

Daryl glanced at him before his eyes trailed over to the gate. Kal was still up at the post and had said something that had Jesus throwing his head back laughing. Daryl's heart sped up at the sight of his wide smile and even though he couldn't hear the laugh it still made his stomach do a flip, "Yeah, I am." 

\---------------------------------------- 

The next morning half the colonists were piling into trucks and the RV that Rick had brought with him. Maggie and Enid had stayed behind to keep watch over the Hilltop. The plan was simple, the would leave the vehicles about a mile out then spread out into the woods. Take out any outside guards then move through the outpost killing anything that moved then burn the place to the ground. 

It didn't take long for them to have the place surrounded from the trees. Andy radioed that the only other guard beside the two out-front was one at the back hanger. Simon wouldn’t get to be so arrogant for much longer. 

"Alright, on three. This begins." Rick spoke into the walkie, he was somewhere on the east side of the compound. 

"One." Daryl lifted his bow taking aim at one of the guards on the door, a fat guy that was chain smoking. 

"Two." Jesus drew his arm back with knife in hand, eyes set on the short black man currently saying something that had the fat man rolling. 

Andy had a silencer on a rifle and was an amazing shot, the young guy on the bay door would never know he was hit, "Three." 

They all hit the ground in sickening unison. Only a dozen of them were going in, the rest would stay in the tree line picking off anyone who might make it out. Daryl lead the way into the front, Jesus at his back with a few others. Rick was coming in a side door while Andy went in through the garage bay. 

It wasn't long until bullets were flying, Saviors had been milling around the hallways when they came in. As soon as Daryl pulled the trigger and shots rang out he knew there was no going back. They had caught them by surprise, the first few rooms and corridors were cleared easily. Shots echoed from other areas of the building, clearly Rick and Andy had met some resistance. 

They knew the armory was in the dead center and that was where they would try to hold up. If they took that over it was just a numbers game, having more bullets made the difference. Daryl's feet carried him through the remembered halls. They would kick in every door, hunker down on corners for pauses in fire before ducking out and taking anything that moved out. For a group that Negan boasted so much about they really weren't battle ready. 

He rounded the last corner and a spray of bullets went over his head, Jesus grabbed the back of his jacket and yanked him back. He looked over at the smaller man, face covered by his bandana but eyes wide showing his worry. Daryl reloaded his rifle as Jesus ran his hand over Daryl's head then down his chest doing a quick check, "I'm good, thanks." 

Jesus nodded turning back to the two men with them, one had already fallen but they knew they didn't have time to dwell on it, "Ready?" 

They both nodded after a moment and stall in fire the four of them stepped out, the other men laid down cover fire as Daryl and Jesus picked people off. Soon the hall was covered in Savior blood, the door to the armory full of holes and half hanging off its hinge. 

"Rick, we’re at the end zone." Jesus called over the radio. Daryl and the two men checked that all the Saviors were dead before they moved inside to see it was empty of Saviors. 

"Good. We're on the way." Rick answered, the sound of gun shots now more spaced apart. 

Andy reached them first, only one of his crew remained and Rick was alone when he got there. A second sweep proved that everyone was dead. Andy and the other colonists took over collecting the weapons and any other supplies. When they walked outside they found at least two dozen bodies on the grass, men who had tried to run instead of fight. 

Some of the colonists were trickling in to help while the rest began to head back to update Maggie. All the trucks in the garage had the keys in ignition most likely for quick getaways. Now it made for speedy removal, loaded down with their loot. Rick sent everyone ahead, Daryl and Jesus hanging back. Once they were all gone Daryl grabbed a jug of gas and they walked from the garage up to the front doors letting the liquid trail behind them. 

"I'm sure y'all noticed." Rick sighed as they walked out the front doors. 

"Kinda hard not to." Daryl threw the now empty jug down. Jesus slipped his hand into Daryl's back pocket, pulling his zippo out. 

"Did they know?" Jesus took the rag Rick was holding out to him as the older man asked. Simon hadn't been there, neither had Gregory. They checked every body and none of them had been either man. 

"Simon has too much ego to not take a fight on head to head," Jesus flicked the lighter and held the rag over it until it started to burn, "If he knew we were coming we would have had one hell of a fight and this was nearly a full-on ambush. Besides, we didn't even tell Dwight what we were going to do." 

"Where the fuck are they then?" Daryl huffed as Jesus tossed the rag into the open door. Flames went up in a whoosh running down the hall over the bodies left on the floor. It should bother him more how the scent of burnt skin had long since lost any effect on him. 

"Rick?" The radio crackled, Dwight radioed in every day on the walkie they had given him from the Academy run. They all raised their eyebrows at the man's voice, guy definitely had interesting timing. 

"Yeah?" Rick answered. They started walking back to where they stashed the RV as the building was engulfed in fire. 

"Simon and Gregory just rolled in, apparently Gregory got on Simon's last nerve so he brought here him to be Negan's problem," Dwight snickered, "He'll be heading back to the Post later this afternoon so watch out if y'all go out on the roads." 

They all stopped in their tracks. Jesus blinked as Daryl looked back at the roaring inferno behind them, a few walkers stumbling out of the woods drawn by the gun fire and crackling building. Rick took a deep breath mouth giving a twitch before bursting out laughing making the other two men join him. Daryl grabbed the walkie, "Tell him good luck with that." 

"Daryl? What’s that mean?" Dwight sounded so confused at hearing the others laughing in the background. 

Daryl held the talk button down as Jesus gasped for breath, "Let's just say any hope of peace from Gregory just went up in flames." 

Rick clipped the walkie back to his belt as they headed down the road again, Dwight's questioning lost under their chuckles. 

\---------------------------------- 

Rick headed back to Alexandria that afternoon, Daryl sending him off with a back slap. They knew now they wouldn't have long before things got really ugly. They didn't know how Negan would react to them taking the outpost down. They knew that destroying it was the only way to make sure it never got used against them again. By that point it was probably nothing more than rubble. 

"We're going to the Sanctuary in three days." Rick said before leaving. Daryl knew they would all be ready, they had to be. 

Five men had been lost that day, only more would fall over the next weeks. The air of Hilltop was heavy with the loss but they all knew it was unavoidable. Maggie had comforted the families of the men, strong and supportive as always. She was the leader the Hilltop needed and deserved. 

That night Daryl took a slightly longer shower, washing the blood and scent of smoke from his body. Jesus hadn't come back with him, staying with Maggie in the office going over the inventory of what they took from the post. Daryl had pulled on worn flannel sleep pants that Jesus had given him with a thin shirt when he got out of the shower. Daryl's hair was almost dry when the smaller man came in. 

"Hey," Jesus voice was soft as he pulled his beanie off leaning down to peck Daryl on the lips where he sat on the couch, "I'm going to go wash up." 

Daryl nodded as Jesus got his clean clothes together then went to bathe. Daryl closed his eyes relaxing to the sound of the shower running. After a few minutes the knobs squeaked, Jesus hummed an unfamiliar but pleasant tune as he toweled off. When he came out he had pulled his hair up in a bun, loose t-shirt that came down low on his sweat pant covered thighs. 

Jesus said nothing as he walked over and sat down straddling Daryl's lap. The older man grunted, hands hovering over his narrow waist as Jesus nuzzled his face into Daryl's neck. He just sat taking deep breaths that tickled the thin skin of Daryl’s neck. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do, Jesus was never short on giving out affection but this was new. The weight of him in his lap was different but completely welcome. 

Daryl’s hands found a comfortable place on Jesus hips, fingers squeezing from time to time. Jesus hands wound into his hair, long fingers trailing over the strands lazily. It was nice just being able to be like that, almost peaceful. Jesus leaned back after a few more moments, face relaxed and eyes half closed. 

“Ya alright?” Daryl reached up running his nails over the neat beard on Jesus check making the younger man smile. 

“Yeah, just a little clingy right now,” Jesus leaned into his hand, Daryl cupped his jaw so easily, his hands always seemed so large on Jesus, “That okay?” 

“Yeah,” Daryl leaned forward kissing his soft mouth, Jesus hummed happily, “Kinda like it.” 

They kept pressing their lips together, shifting from short pecks to deep rolling kisses. Daryl always thought Jesus mouth tasted so good. Jesus teeth caught the edge of his lip making Daryl chuckle and pull him closer by the hips. Both of them froze, Daryl could feel the pressure against his stomach and now the smaller man’s ass was directly on top of his crotch. 

They were hard, Daryl had made Jesus hard. If the evidence wasn’t right there he might not have believed it. Jesus face went red as Daryl pressed him even closer, the weight of his cock more obvious as the action made his hips twitch. The movement making it impossible for the scout to not feel Daryl’s own erection against the back of his thigh. 

Jesus dove into another kiss, hitching his hips down making Daryl let out a surprised groan. Jesus grinned against his lips, repeating the motion determined to make Daryl make more sounds just like that. It'd been so long since Daryl had been this aroused in general but much longer than from just some making out. It seemed like everything he did with the younger man sent his head spinning. Then Jesus pulled back slipping from Daryl’s lap. 

Daryl’s eyes locked on the tent in the smaller man’s pants before drifting to his face. Jesus grinned at him making Daryl’s face go hot at being caught staring. Jesus held his hand out to him and Daryl took it as he stood up. There was only a few feet to the bed, only few minutes before Jesus turn them and pushed Daryl to sit on the edge. 

Jesus leaned forward, bracing his hands on Daryl’s thighs to kiss him slow and messy before whispering, “I want to suck you off. Can I?” 

Daryl’s brain seemed to short circuit. Jesus with his pretty perfect lips wanted to do that? Daryl’s mouth opened soundlessly a few times, eyes wide as Jesus shifted from foot to foot in front of him as the silence stretched on. A wisp of hair had slipped from the bun fell prettily over his forehead before he tucked it sheepishly behind his ear, "I mean, if you don't want to that's okay." 

Daryl laughed, sharp and surprising even himself, it was an embarrassingly high sound, "Ya honestly think I'd be able to say no to that?" 

Jesus checks colored even as he grinned, "So, I can?" 

Daryl scrubbed a hand over his face letting it linger over his mouth, "Yeah." 

Daryl groaned as Jesus dropped to his knees in a much too graceful movement. Daryl leaned back on his palms, watching as Jesus ran his hands up Daryl's thighs. Humming as he squeezed the muscles there pushing as he reached the junction of his hips. Daryl hesitated but let his legs lull open. For many long minutes Jesus just ran his hands over his legs and hips, the tent in his own sleep pants mere inches from the ninjas face. 

When he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the still clothed cock Daryl nearly chocked. Jesus smirked looking up at him through his lashes as he moved up and down the covered shaft just nuzzling. Daryl gripped the blanket under his hands, gritting his teeth to keep from thrusting his hips into the warmth. 

When Jesus slipped his fingers into the elastic and pulled Daryl only lifted his hips so the fabric could be pulled down to mid-thigh. Jesus made a soft noise in the back of his throat as Daryl's cock bobbed free, it sounded approving but Daryl's face still flushed at being exposed. It had been years since anyone had wanted to do anything with him and even longer than anyone actually had. He wasn't normally one to let other people see him vulnerable in anyway but with Jesus it always felt right. 

Jesus didn't have soft hands but they weren't like his either. His were cracked and rough, joints starting to grow stiff nowadays but Jesus still had some smoothness. Jesus had calloused places but his palms were soft as his fingers wrapped around the length in front of him. Daryl wanted to shout at the sensation, he couldn't remember the last time he had even taken himself into his own hand but this was better than that ever could have been. 

Jesus eyes were wide as he watched his hand run up and down the tight skin, using the moisture at the tip to ease the motion. He licked his lips slowly before leaning forward making Daryl take a sharp breath. The soft lips brushing over the tip made Daryl's stomach clench as he moaned deep in his throat. Everything felt so slow making his head buzz as kisses were pressed down to the base and a tongue followed the trail back up. 

Jesus looked up at him again, waiting until Daryl opened his eyes locking for a moment making sure he was watching. Daryl hadn't even realized he had slammed his eyes shut in pleasure, lip nearly bloodied between his teeth. Daryl's mouth gasped open, a signal he didn't know Jesus was waiting for. Those full reddening lips opened and sunk to the base. Jesus throat constricted breathing through his nose into the hair there. 

"Fuck!" Daryl's back arched, hands yanked the blanket loose from where it had been tucked. He felt like a teenager having his first blowjob, he was already sprinting toward the edge with just that. 

Jesus stayed there for a few breathes before sliding back to the tip. Sucking deeply as he went, his tongue swirling at the tip before he plunged back down. Daryl had to force himself the breath as he jerked at the sheets below him fighting to stay still. A handful of passes of the younger man mouth and he feel his toes curling. 

Jesus hands slid up his thigh, squeezing his hips before blindly reaching for Daryl's hands. It took a few tries but he found them and grabbed the fists. Daryl relaxed his fingers letting Jesus twine their fingers together and hold for a few moments. Then moved his hands forward, twisting his hands to rest on top Daryl's as he settled them on his head. 

Jesus leaned back with a sloppy pop that should have only been filthy but it was so hot, "Go on, I like when you touch me." 

Daryl groaned at how ruined his voice was, throat raw before he just slid back down the cock in front of him with a hum. Daryl's fingers rested on the soft hair, the statement as arousing as the invitation. Daryl found the tie holding the bun and pulled it free letting it snap onto his wrist so it wouldn't get lost in the sheets. Brown hair fell in damp waves covering Jesus face and he couldn't have that. 

Jesus moaned as Daryl gather his hair up his one hand holding it back as the other threaded into the strands at his nape. Jesus sucked deeply until he reached halfway up Daryl's cock just below the circumcision scar. He held there unmoving, like he was waiting. Daryl took the hint, he gripped the hair in his hand tight as he bucked his hips. 

His cock slipped down Jesus throat, Daryl felt him grab his calves as he let Daryl's hips thrust into his face. His eyes were shut and he moaned making his throat vibrate around Daryl's length. Daryl's orgasm was crashing to the surface making him still but Jesus took right over. His head bobbed quickly eyes opening to look at him again. Those big blue eyes were watering slightly, drool dripped from the corners of his mouth and the look of bliss with it all was too much. 

"I'm gonna, I'm about-" Daryl tried to pull Jesus off but he shook his head with a groan diving back down, the tension pulling his own hair making him shudder, "Paul!" 

It felt like a punch to the gut but then warmth burst all over him. He felt lightheaded, back arching as he came. Jesus sliding back enough to catch it in his mouth holding for a moment before swallowing each pulse. Daryl's whole body shook as he rode his orgasm until Jesus drank every drop. His throat working him until he was over sensitive and Jesus let him pull him off that time. 

Jesus fell back into his hunches, mouth open wide gasping. His eyes fluttered shut as Daryl tipped his head back and taste be damned he had to kiss him. His lips were swollen, moisture glistening in his beard. It really should have been filthy but it made Daryl give a halfhearted twitch but age beat out even the sexiest of displays. 

Jesus gasped into the kiss, hands coming up to bury in Daryl's hair. He shivered as Daryl pulled him up from the floor into his lap, his erection grinding into the larger man's stomach. Jesus pulled back to rest his forehead against Daryl's as he rolled his hips, "I'm so close, babe, please. Please, I need-" 

Daryl's brained shirt circuited at the pet name, he knew he would never stop the man from calling him whatever he wanted. Without another thought he flipped Jesus onto his back on the bed, he yelped in surprise at the sudden movement. Before he could say anything, Daryl pushed his long shirt up out of the way and had his sweatpants down to his knees then leaned over. 

Daryl's took a moment to take it all in, the hair at the base was darker than the rest on his body. Jesus was nearly the same length but not as thick. His cock was uncut but so hard the tip was completely exposed. Daryl wasn't as good at this, it had been ages since he had done it last but after what was possibly the best blowjob of his life the man had earned this much. 

Jesus shouted as Daryl closed his mouth around the tip and sucked. His hands grabbed his shoulders, back bowing as Daryl bobbed his head. He couldn’t take him into his throat but he used his hand to make up for the rest. Jesus moaned, shaking as he gripped the shirt on Daryl's back. 

His voice was gravelly and hoarse as he gasped, "I'm going to come, Daryl. I'm coming." 

Daryl debated whether to pull off because he had never been a swallower but Jesus had taken his without protest. Jesus moans were high and breathy as he came, the fluid rushing into Daryl's mouth. He swallowed quickly, the taste not bad but not something he was used to. After a few pulses Jesus pushed at his shoulders, shuddering with over stimulation back still arched. 

Daryl sat up wiping the back of his hand over his lips to make sure nothing had slipped down. Now that it was over he couldn't meet Jesus eyes. The younger stayed on his back, chest rising and falling as he found his breath, Daryl's teeth worrying at his lips the taste of Jesus release still on his tongue. It had been so long since he had been intimate with anyone, he felt like a teenager again unsure how to proceed. 

Jesus sat up slowly pulling his sweats up with reminded Daryl's his pants were still down. He tugged them back up as Jesus cupped his jaw in his palms and tilted his face towards him. Daryl stared into his eyes, the pupils still blown wide from arousal. Watched as a smile spread across his abused lips before he leaned in and kissed the air from Daryl's lungs. 

"That was amazing," Jesus spoke against his mouth, "You didn't have to do that. I'd been fine with your hand." 

Daryl shrugged, "Felt right, I guess. Plus, clean ups easier." 

Jesus laughed, "Forever the tactical one." 

Daryl grinned and tucked Jesus hair behind his ears, happy to watch Jesus smile for the rest of the night. Jesus prompted them to go brush their teeth and Daryl followed him to the bathroom. It was so domestic as the stood at the sink rinsing each other's release from their mouths. 

Jesus ran his hands through his tangled hair as Daryl spat the last of his toothpaste out. Jesus blushed staring wide eyed as Daryl stepped behind him and pulled the elastic he had slipped on his wrist off. Months of practice with Judith's hair had him twisting Jesus hair up into a high bun effortlessly. Jesus swished his mouth setting his brush down and turning his head slowly admiring it, "You're shocking good at that." 

Daryl shrugged again leaning forward to kiss the thin skin of his nape, "Like it up." 

Jesus smiled leaning back letting Daryl nibble at his neck, "Noted, vampire." 

Daryl snorted pushing Jesus out of the bathroom, when he headed for the couch Jesus snagged his wrist, "Stay with me?" 

Daryl watched him chew on his lip, a habit he might be picking up from the hunter. The bed wasn't overly large but it much bigger than the thin sofa. Daryl swiped his pillow that still vaguely smelled like Jesus hair and nodded. Jesus had to fix the sheets before they could lay down. Daryl preferred to be on the side closer to the door so Jesus took the spot next to the wall. After the got situated under the blanket Jesus leaned over Daryl to turn the lamp off. 

When he pulled back he settled with his head on Daryl's chest. Daryl knew he was a cuddler, it was something he would never admit but couldn't deny. It seemed Jesus was of a similar way. It was getting late but they laid there just listening to each other breathe. Jesus sweet smelling hair nestled beneath his chin, the scent soothing. Daryl's hand rested on Jesus back, their legs tangled loosely as Jesus fingers traced aimlessly over his chest. 

"Everything is going to be different now." Jesus whispered nuzzling into Daryl's throat, his voice still rough. 

Daryl didn't know if he meant what they had done at the outpost that day, he could still smell the burning flesh. Or if he meant what they had done that night, how they had taken whatever it was they had to a different level. Knowing Jesus he meant both and it was an accurate statement either way. 

Daryl sighed, turning to bury in his face in the thick soft hair breathing deeply as he murmured, "Yeah, yeah it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truth be known I kind of lost my passion for a few days there. But this story wouldn't let me go. My brain knew there was too much I wanted to do with it but it was an act of love to get the words from brain to paper. I spent ages slaving over some parts while others I wrote tonight and loved enough to post right away. Funny how writing works, huh?
> 
> Also, it had been AGES since I wrote anything smutty so I'm sorry if that was awful, I really tried. 
> 
> Please leave a comment! I love them and they truly motivate me. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Y'all can also find me on tumbler at scramblingminds, where I generally just fangirl over everything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright everyone, this chapter was going to be so much longer but it was becoming colossal. So, I am opting to cut it. This is about the mid way point of what I have at the moment. I figured I'd go ahead and give y'all this part then make the rest the next chapter, which I still have a good bit to write. So since I'm not sure what else to say...here's this!
> 
> As always, I looked this over but any mistakes are of course my own!

Paul was stirred awake as Daryl's heart started to pound, the chest that he was still laying on jerking with shortening breath. Paul knew Daryl had nightmares, you don't share close quarters with someone and not notice something like that. There were many an early morning he had been woken up by whimpers coming from across the room then the man getting up to go about his day like his dreams didn't plague him. Like they didn't exhaust him more and more with each early morning. 

Paul rolled over onto his other side giving Daryl room to jerk in his sleep before he jolted into full awareness. His breath stuttered as he harshly scrubbing at his face then stiffened like he had forgotten where he had fell asleep the night before. Paul kept his breathing even, it wouldn’t help any for the older man to know he had disturbed him as well. Daryl slowly relaxed before reaching over pushing a piece of hair that had escaped the bun off his forehead. The touch was light and fleeting before he quietly got out of the bed. 

Paul felt his face heat up at the gesture, glad for the dim barely dawn light. Daryl pulled his clothes on quickly before walking out of the trailer, closing the door soundlessly. Paul let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, that man would never cease to amaze him. That little touch hadn’t been necessary, the man had done it just because he liked to. Paul wasn’t sure if Daryl knew he had been awake but it didn’t seem so. Paul might have been thinking too much into it but it seemed Daryl had just fixed his hair simply because he liked to. 

Paul wiggled around with a huff, it was too early for all this thinking. He buried his face in Daryl’s pillow, he could smell his own shampoo but the overwhelming scent of Dixon was fresh. With a contented sigh he drifted back to sleep. 

\-------------------------------------- 

The only other person up and about when Daryl walked out of the trailer was Earl. Daryl spent the early hours with him, the blacksmith more than happy to show him a thing or two. Daryl helped him melt and reform some steel to makes spears. Daryl found it fascinating to watch the metal melt down and get reshaped. 

"You can make most anything if you have the right materials and molds." Earl sighed happily as he dipped the last spear into the barrel of water to cool the red metal. 

The sun had been up for a few hours now, people starting to amble out to do chores and switch out guard shifts. Maggie was already up and sitting in the rocking chair on the porch; cup of tea in one hand while the other rest on her slightly swelling stomach, maps and plans spread over her knee. 

"Yeah?" Daryl stacked the finished weapons up to take to the armory, an old shed that once only held tools but now was fit to burst with guns. 

"Yep, usually only do knives and such but I've made a few special orders. Like bring me a silver spoon, kinda like them ones in the china cabinet up at the house, all I need is a roundabout size and can make a damn fine ring." Earl glanced over at Daryl who paused in cleaning up their work station. 

Daryl opened his mouth only to find he didn't have anything to say. Instead he tucked the edge of his nail into his teeth and nodded. Earl just smiled big and bright over at him. Daryl wasn't dumb, he knew what he was implying but he wasn't ready to think about that. It had only been days but had it been that clear over the past weeks how they had danced around each other? 

Daryl looked over at the familiar slam of a trailer door. Paul came down the steps still rubbing the last of his sleep from his eyes. He had changed into some black cargoes with a thin zip up hoodie in a pale grey. His hair was still up in a bed tussled bun that bobbed as his head swiveled before his eyes landed on Daryl. 

Daryl met him at the entrance of the blacksmiths hut leaning down as Paul's hands came up to cup his jaw. The fact that Daryl hadn't brushed the sleep from his mouth didn't bother the smaller as his minty tongue slipped past chapped lips. Paul rocked back from the kiss, the fact that he had to lift up on his toes to kiss Daryl always made the older man a little smug. 

"You ditched me." Paul teased moving his hands rest on Daryl's broad shoulders. 

"Sorry," Daryl winced, he just realized that after what they had done the night before Paul waking to an empty bed might have seemed like a bad sign, "Woke up early and didn't want to bother ya." 

"It's fine but I wouldn't mind. I can always fall back to sleep, it's a skill of mine." Paul assured and Daryl nodded getting a small smile, "You ate yet?" 

"Nah, ya wanna go grab something?" Daryl gestured toward the house where Brianna and Mandy were most likely making food in the large kitchen. 

Paul stepped back faking a gasp, "Like a date, Mr. Dixon?" 

Daryl rolled his eyes even as heat ran over his cheeks, he grabbed Paul pulling him into a loose headlock. Paul laughed as Daryl gave him a gentle shake before letting him stand back straight but left his arm hanging on his shoulders. 

"Like breakfast, ya twerp," Daryl grinned as Paul wound his arm around Daryl's waist with a nod, Daryl looked over his shoulder, "Ya want anything, Earl?" 

The older man shook his head with a fond smile, "I'm fine." 

Daryl and Paul got a few steps toward Barrington house before Earl called out to him, "Oh and Daryl?" 

They paused turning to see the man running his hand over his beard thoughtfully, "Thanks for the help and that thing from earlier will always stand. Just food for thought." 

Daryl blushed under the man's wide grin and Paul's curious stare, he swallowed thickly before jerkily nodding. Daryl was glad Paul didn't question him further as they entered the house but his eyes might have lingered on the glint of silver in the cabinet as they hurried into the kitchen before the grub was all gone. 

\---------------------------- 

Daryl and Paul had volunteered to clean guns later that afternoon. They had to make sure they were oiled and in battle-ready condition. Spreading out on the picnic table outside their trailer they set to work. There were dozens of weapons so it was going to take a while. 

Daryl found that talking about nothing with Paul didn't bother him anymore. Even as the man rambled on about what different flowers meant and the significance of their colors. Daryl just nodded along, leaving Paul in awed silence as he told him the story of the Cherokee rose. The talk turned somber as he mentioned Sophia but tried to make it light again by making a joke of his fall off the horse. Even though it had been anything but funny. 

Paul smiled big, showing his almost perfectly white teeth behind his curved lips. Daryl stared blurting, "Your smile is crooked." 

Paul threw his head back in a rich laugh at the statement making Daryl blush, "I'm aware, babe." 

"No, no I mean, I like it." Daryl tried to backpedal while acting like the pet name didn't make him flustered. It was a great smile, perfectly imperfect on someone who seemed so, well perfect. 

"Thanks, Daryl," Paul ducked his head, putting a freshly oiled pistol back together, "I was always told it was the only thing my dad gave me before he left. Mom said it was his smile she fell in love with." 

"Oh." Daryl could see that, it was adorably charming. 

"Yeah," Paul started taking a rifle apart as Daryl worked on scrubbing another one, "She said that until the day she died." 

Daryl's hand slipped on the metal, the brush nearly flying out of his hand, "Shit, sorry." 

"It was a long time ago, I was eight," Paul waved the words away, "I flunked out of foster care pretty quick after that, even this grin didn't get an angry little boy brownie points." 

Paul was joking, nothing he said seemed to faze him, like it was an old boring story. Maybe it was for him but it had Daryl's full attention. Paul just kept going, the floodgates open now and it was in his nature to ramble. 

"I was ten when I want to the home, people liked me alright there and I got better at charming the parents who came through. Never enough for anyone to take me home but I liked it alright, always wanted siblings. It's less lonely that way, even when I was the only teenager and finally aged out. I felt like I was always getting new little brothers." Paul smiled fondly at the memory, falling silent for a bit. 

They sat moving from one gun to another in comfortable company. Paul was always so willing to give out snippets of his life, about himself. Daryl knew if he asked Paul would tell him anything, like how his mother died. Daryl chewed on his lips for a while, even after everything Daryl hadn't told Paul much of anything about his life. 

Daryl cleared his throat, cleaning grime from their brushes on a rag, "I had a brother." 

Paul paused looking up at Daryl, shock plain on his features, "You did?" 

"Yeah," Daryl swallowed thickly, "Merle, he was older." 

"How much?" Paul seemed intrigued but tried to be casual by picking back up with his cleaning. 

"Fourteen years," Daryl grinned as Paul whistled at the age gap, "Pa always said he was a mistake, Ma said he was a surprise. She was fifteen when he was born." 

"That is surprising," Paul nodded, "Where you close?" 

Daryl noticed how Paul didn't ask about where Merle was, why Daryl spoke about him in past tense. Daryl appreciated that, even after all that time thinking about that day still put a lump in his throat. Granted nowadays you would be hard pressed to find anyone who hadn’t lost someone important to them. 

"Yeah, not when we was kids but after he was discharged we stuck together." Daryl missed those day sometimes, even though they were mostly bad. 

Merle had come home almost completely overtaken with PTSD and the drugs helped him cope. Daryl didn't like it but it kept Merle more himself then any therapy ever did even though sometimes they made him unbearable. They had always been together after that, until the quarry and Atlanta. 

"He served?" Paul kept the conversation going, maybe too greedy to learn all he could about Daryl's past. Paul would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about anything to do with the older man. 

"Marine," Daryl could still close his eyes and see the semper fi tattoo on his brother's calf, he had come back with the ink, "Like Pa, only thing the old bastard was proud of." 

"Oh," Paul could tell their talk was going a dark direction so he tried to reroute it, "Well, you know where I got my smile. What did your parent's give you?" 

Daryl blinked at the question. Merle had looked just like their old man only slightly taller. They both got the Dixon eyes and nose. Merle used to tease Daryl about his 'beauty marks' but Daryl wasn't sure where the moles came from. Neither of their parents had them. His gut wanted to say his dad's temper but he knew that wasn't right. He nor Merle would have ever risen a hand against someone defenseless and that had been Will Dixon's special skill. 

After many long almost uncomfortable moments Daryl finally thought of something, "Merle. They gave me Merle. Well, gave us each other, I guess. Only nice thing my old man ever did, I think." 

Paul's eyes were gentle and bright even though the answer had pulled so hard at his heart, "That's a lot better than a smile." 

Daryl shrugged looking up at the other man through his bangs, "I don't know. It's a really nice smile." 

\--------------------------- 

The day before they were heading for the Sanctuary everyone was on edge. Maggie wasn't happy that she wasn't going but understood why. Someone had to keep Judith and Gabriel was too good of a shot to not have him along. Enid didn't hesitate to agree to stay too, knowing if she didn't Paul would have. He needed to be there though. 

Daryl was going to head off the herd on his bike, by Eduardo's estimated once they picked up the pace to follow him it would only take a few hours to reach Negan. The Saviors had tried using explosives again to take out the herd but they had found the devices and removed them before they could be triggered. Daryl would leave a couple hours ahead of them giving hopefully not even an hour to get Negan in an uproar before the walkers would surround the place. 

Daryl took an early guard shift as Paul helped prep for the next morning. The Kingdom had driven over two buses to each of the other communities. They were heavily reinforced and big enough to carry everyone going. There was only one extra car, a large SUV they would be able to ram down the chain-link fence around the perimeter without much difficulty. 

Daryl was a little caught off guard when he went back to the trailer after lunch to be jumped by the smaller man. Not that he was complaining as his back pressed against the wall with Paul on his knees in front of him. He was much too good at taking Daryl's dick in, it was like he had been made for it. Daryl stifled his groan as he came down that perfect throat. 

Daryl was never one to be out done. Paul had leaned back to smack his lips happily, yelping softly as Daryl lifted him under his arms. Daryl carried his weight effortlessly and tossed him onto the bed. Paul laughed as he bounced, Daryl's hands making quick work of his fly. 

Paul's head tossed across the pillow as Daryl's head bobbed, he would probably never have the ninja's deep throat skills. Daryl's hand rubbed the base before slipping down to caress his balls, Paul gasped hitching his hips into the touch. Daryl's thumb slid down lower, pressing into the thin skin below. 

Paul's back arched at the touch, hips tilting into the light touch. With more confidence Daryl moved his thumb in sure strokes from the back of his balls to further back. Daryl slid as far down the shaft in his mouth as he could just as the tip of finger caught the edge of Paul's rim. Paul cried out his thighs knocking against the sides of Daryl's head before falling wide as he came. 

Daryl almost choked at the suddenness of it but managed to not make a mess. Paul gasped for breath as Daryl sat back. For what had to be the hundredth time Daryl wondered how one person could be so beautiful. His neck was covered in a deep flush, hair wild from thrashing against the pillow and Daryl knew though he was in a similar state he didn't look half as good. 

Daryl had just finished swallowing when a knock came to the door. They both flinched before orgasm clumsy fingers tried to rezip and button pants. Their faces were red for a different reason as Paul opened the door. Enid's eyes widened, an innocent blush coloring her cheekbones as she took in their state. 

"Sorry to uh, interrupt," She giggled nervously making Daryl groan, "But Dwight just got here." 

That was odd, since they weren't expecting him. Daryl's jaw clenched grabbing his bow, he still didn't like the man even though he was on their side. They found him at the gate, Maggie already waiting. Dwight's eyes flickered over the two of them, a smirk that Daryl wanted to knock off his face spreading at the sight of them. 

"Dwight wanted us to know Negan is planning a move on Alexandria but not for another week." Maggie informed, voice clipped and clearly unhappy about the visitor. 

"So what?" Daryl glared at the scarred man, "After tomorrow he won't be going anywhere for a good long while. If ever, same as you." 

"I know." Dwight kept smirking, the slimy bastard. 

"Then why are you here?" Paul crossed his arms in annoyance. The converted Savior got on even his considerably accepting nerves. 

"Maybe I wanted to see puppy here's face one more time." Dwight taunted, the guy just never knew when to quit running his mouth. 

Daryl made to move but Paul was faster. His fist snapped Dwight's head to the side, the scrawny man cradled his jaw as Paul crossed his arms back. Daryl smirked as Dwight bitched, he tugged Paul closer to his side letting his hand rest on the man's lower back. Paul was giving Dwight a death stare, daring him to say something else. 

"Okay, totally deserved that," Dwight flexed his swelling jaw, "I'll make a note to stop saying stuff around you two. Y'all are too punch happy." 

"Why are you here?" Maggie spoke through clenched teeth, she couldn't stand to be around the greasy bastard either. 

"Snipers," Dwight finally said, "Negan has snipers posted up in the higher levels, so watch out for them tomorrow." 

"Thanks, that it?" Daryl was ready for the rat to leave. Even though it was some pretty useful information. 

"Yeah and Negan will still have contact with the outposts even while trapped, so make sure to take them out asap. Plus, I kinda wanted to spend what might be my last day of freedom out and about, I guess. I'm going to piss off Rick next." Dwight's smirk wasn't as annoying with the bruise on his chin. 

"Noted." Maggie huffed. 

"Leave." Daryl deadpanned. 

"Wait!" They turned to see Alex jogging over, "What about Carson? We can't leave him in there." 

It was a good point Daryl realized. Maggie needed the doc back, Alex was only a nurse and didn't know half as much. They couldn't leave Carson to possibly die in there. Besides, something about Alex rubbed Daryl wrong. He had caught the guy glaring at him a few times but figured it wasn't worth his time to find out his problem. 

"Got that covered." Dwight waved him off. 

"Excuse me?" Alex wasn't huge but he had some size to him. Anyone was physically imposing next to Dwight and he didn't look pleased with that answer. 

"I got it taken care of, trust me." Dwight repeated. 

"We really don't." Alex sniffed making Dwight laugh. 

"You'll have to this time," Dwight turned to head out the gate that Kal had left open through the whole exchange, "See y'all tomorrow." 

"Can I kill him now?" Daryl growled as Alex huffed off throwing his hands up in frustration. 

Paul sighed watching Dwight climb into his truck waving at them before driving off, "Not today." 

\------------------------- 

It was midafternoon when Tara reached the Hilltop with Judith. Daryl met her at the heavily armed car as she climbed out. She grinned at him as Judith could already be heard yelling for him from her car seat. Daryl unclipped her and pulled her to his hip taking her bag from Tara as they walked to Barrington house. Maggie had a pack-and-play set up for in her room to sleep in, otherwise she had free reign of the house. 

Maggie was in the office so Tara went to meet with her as Daryl got Judith settled. It wasn't long before she started wandering, Daryl trailed behind her as she poked around every room. Soon she was bored with inside and pointed at the closed front door demanding to be taken out. 

"Careful, sweetheart." Daryl had taken her down to the stable. Hilltop had cows and pigs but also a few tamed horses that they had traded for with the Kingdom a while back. 

Judith was running her tiny hands through the mare's mane, Daryl was holding her as she sat on the horse's wide unsaddled back. She was a calm horse, completely unfazed by the small human, content to chew her oats. Daryl rubbed her back as she babbled, her happy voice ringing out 'Darrie look!', a she petted the large animal. Daryl wasn't bothered by her shortened version of his name, she was still figuring out words after all. 

Daryl was unaware of the eyes on him. Paul was leaning on the fence of the pen. Paul smiled as Daryl whispered gently to the little girl, the sweetness nearly making him blush with glee. Daryl was like a puzzle. He was short with his words and even quicker to bring to temper but he was also such a calming force. He was lethal but small things blossomed in his hands. 

"He's weird, huh?" Paul jumped at Tara's voice. She smirked as she sauntered up to lean next to him, she had spooked the ninja. 

"Yeah," Paul chuckled as she leaned her shoulder against his, "I couldn't help but notice." 

"I like him that way though." Tara smiled as Daryl laughed at something Judith had babbled, she was still working on making sentences work right too. 

Paul's breath always caught at the sound, it was so rare, "Me too." 

Tara stared over at Paul long enough to get him to glance over at her. She took in the smile still on his lips, the color high on his cheekbones. Tara sighed softly, "You really do, don'tcha?" 

"I what?" Paul blinked at her in confusion. 

Tara smiled gently before jerking her head in Daryl's direction, "You love him." 

Paul felt his face go hot, he tried to duck behind his hair to hide it as her eyes widened. She gasped loudly smacking his arm happily. Paul batted her hands away playfully before looking back over at the older man. Daryl lifted Judith off the horse, swinging her high, her laugh loud and his smile wide. Paul's heart skipped a beat, "Maybe, yeah." 

\------------------------- 

Daryl left out right after dawn. He strapped his bow to the back of his bike, clipped the walkie to his jacket and was hit with the deja vu of it all. Only this time Abe and Sasha weren't there with him. They would stay behind, like they would forever more. Daryl shook his head to send the thoughts away as the scout walked up to him. Paul was already decked out in his vest, beanie and trench coat. Daryl paused before climb onto the motorcycle, the gate was already open ready for his departure. 

Paul walked over stopping in front of Daryl, fidgeting with a pair gloves in is hands. Daryl pulled them from his loose grip and tugged them on, flexing the leather. Paul tangled his own gloved fingers with the larger man. Daryl sighed leaning down to press his forehead to the shorter mans. 

Everything was going to change over the next few hours. It was time to truly start a war. For the first time in so long Paul was nervous, he was unsure how the day was going to unfold. Daryl gripped his fingers tighter, unwavering even in the face of what was to come Paul noticed. It made Paul's nerves harden slightly but not completely. Daryl was about to go willingly put himself within grabbing distance of the largest herd anyone had ever seen, again. 

Daryl wasn't necessarily happy to have to be the one leading the herd. Rick had insisted that the bike was the best way to draw the undead without catching human attention. Daryl just felt like he was being pushed to the sidelines but didn’t argue. Even if it seemed like people still had on kid gloves with him, he wasn't fragile no matter how they felt. Now though, about to head out and leave Paul to march to the head of the battle, he wanted to say screw it and stay by his side. 

He didn't do that though. Paul could handle himself. So, he just leaned more into the smaller man, taking a deep breath of his scent to take with him. The only thing he would smell for the next hours would be rot after all. Paul took his own deep inhale, squeezing his fingers for a second. 

"Daryl, I think," Paul swallowed as Daryl leaned back to lock eyes with him, "I think I might, well I'm pretty sure that I lo-" 

Daryl suddenly was kissing him, hard and deep so that Paul could only gulp down his sentence. Paul returned the kiss with equal heat before Daryl pulled back. Paul blinked his eyes open as Daryl laid a quick kiss to his bearded jaw before moving back. His feet nearly tripping over themselves as he back up. 

"I'll see ya later." Daryl let Paul's hands slip from his grip. It was awkward for a second as the archer quickly turned his back to him. 

"Of course." Paul watched as Daryl straddled the bike and it roared to life. 

Daryl nodded giving him a small smile that eased Paul's nerves the rest of the way before speeding off. Paul stood at the closing gate watching his back fade into the distance. Only a few hours and he would be on his way to the Sanctuary too, no time to dwell on the fact that Daryl's had seemed to rebuff his words. 

\------------------------------------- 

The Hilltop buses joined with Alexandria's first. The Kingdom would meet them at the gates since they had to come from the opposite direction. Tara sat at Paul's side as they rolled closer to Negan. Everyone was silent, only the metallic sound of a gun being loaded and locked filled the air. The tension like a heavy weight on them all. 

"We're a mile out," Rick's voice was sharp over the radio, "Ezekiel, what's your ETA?" 

"Similar." The King kept it short, voice on edge just like everyone else. 

"Daryl, how's your end?" Rick came back on, Paul listened closely as the radio crackled. 

The first sound was the loud boom of the walkers moans barely covering the engine of the motorcycle. Daryl took a second to speak, having to shout over the noise, "Ten miles out give or take." 

Paul breathed a little easier at the sound of his voice. The Sanctuary was speeding into view as Paul spoke into his walkie, "Let's roll out the welcome wagon." 

The buses rumbled up just outside the gates, the walkers attached to the chain-link tugged violently at the sound. The men roaming outside the building opened fire without hesitation, the ones working the fence ran inside the complex. Paul lead the way off the bus, they made sure to keep the doors faces away from the action. 

Rick and Michonne parked the armed SUV behind one of the buses. Everyone spread out, returning fire from behind the barricades. It was a rain of bullets for what felt like ages, bodies falling every now and then. Not all wounds were fatal thankfully, people less confident with combat moving to help wrap injuries and watch of the hurt. The Kingdom's forces joining them after a long few minutes but it seemed a never-ending stream of people kept spilling from the Sanctuary. For every fallen Savior, another was right there to take the place. 

Carol had found her way to Paul's side, her face set and determined. Paul leaned out to target the large doors on the concert platform that most of the Saviors seemed to be coming from when pain cut through his cheek. He whipped back around crying out covering his burning face. The shock of the hit almost worse than the pain. Paul tried to not be bitter as he remembered Dwight's warning about the snipers. 

Carol dropped her weapon to her side at the sound, pulling him back from the edge of the bus that bullets were still ricocheting off of, "Jesus!" 

She pried his hand away, he gritted his teeth as she titled his head to the side. A bullet had grazed his right cheekbone, the angle slightly downward slicing from just below his eye to the hinge of his jaw. She patted the unharmed side of his face finding him alright enough. 

"Rick, the snipers!" Carol yelled her eyes darting over the front of the building, so many windows. Luckily, they didn't seem to be grade-A marksmen. 

"Michonne and Gabriel find their perches!" Rick instructed. 

They nodded moving inside a bus, the slates of the metal over the windows were perfect cover, not too wide but no so narrow that a well-trained eye couldn't see through. A moment later a body fell from more than ten stories up landing on a cluster of five Saviors. The sound of a bolt action rifle reloading making Rick grin. 

Paul pushed the pain down to worry about later even as he felt blood soak into his collar. A small clutch of Saviors charged forward, the ones that didn't get gunned down came around the buses. Paul ducked as one swung a machete at him, a knife pulled from his vest quickly found a home in the woman's throat. Eric cried out from somewhere behind him, Paul turned to see the slight man get knocked to the ground as a large Savior raised his gun. Paul flung another blade just as Aaron fired his own rifle. 

Aaron locked eyes with Paul, sharing a nod over the body that had three tight bullet wounds to the chest and a knife lodged in the back of his skull. It was frantic as people fought hand to hand while still taking on fire and trying to return it. Rosita and Tara ran past Paul at one point, something in the Latina's hand. 

Tara covered the woman as she climbed up the back of one of the buses. As quick as a whip she threw whatever it was full force before jumping back down. Paul watched a piece of metal hit the ground, it was a pin. The grenade cleared the lower side level of the building, it had to have landed somewhere in the back of the compound before going off. 

The explosion was minimal since the building took most of the impact. It rattled the windows and even though they couldn't see the damage of it the screams that started pouring out was proof it wasn't good. 

"Got more bombs in the back," Rosita pointed at the SUV, "They're small but it had to have closed off any back exit." 

Paul could only nod before she ran off again with Tara. Suddenly firing from the other side stopped, they paused as well. Reloading as the racket of the walkers on the fence was drowned out by the sound of wood on cement. 

Rick was the first to step around the wall they had made. Carol was still at Paul's side as they came out. Ezekiel stood by Rick's side with Jerry. Not many causalities on their side, Paul took a moment of pride because they looked like a real army with all of their people banding together. They waited as the banging grew closer, guns still up even as the shadow filled the door. 

Negan was tapping Lucille on the hard ground as he strolled out. Dwight and Simon trailed out behind him. Gregory being yanked outside by the mad man's lieutenant. It was eerie as the man's soldiers fell to a knee without dropping their weapons. Like well-trained guard dogs but more blood thirsty. 

"Well, well, well. I don't remember inviting any company over," Negan's voice boomed, somehow still light and full of humor, "This is cute, Rick, but do you really think this would ever work?" 

"It's been going pretty well so far." Rick's voice echoed as he shrugged. Even as more and more people trickled out of the building, almost filling the grounds behind the fence. The sheer number of people under the man's control would always be intimidating. 

Negan laughed loud, "It's adorable that you got the whole gang together here but my man Gregory here has let me know not everyone is on your team and since you already don't have the numbers this is just downright not fair." 

Paul glared over at the man, he had a sweat broken out on his brow. Everyone looked around at each other before Ezekiel broke the silence, "What pray tell, does that mean?" 

Simon shoved Gregory up next to Negan at the front of the platform. He stumbled as he wrung his hands stuttering under Negan's heavy gaze, "M-my people of the Hilltop, Negan has agreed that if you move over to his side he will let you live. All y-you, you have to do his step forward and join him. Now." 

All eyes fell on the Hilltop colonists, Paul's blood boiled that the bastard would try and turn them against Rick. On a few faces there was doubt, like any of them might actually be willing to turn against their cause. After a long awkward moment Kal stepped forward making Gregory clap, "I knew you would recruit for me, get everyone back on track." 

"Oh no, I didn't. I never planned to," Kal lifted his gun aiming right at the man's face with a smirk, "I'm not so much of a coward to turn on family." 

Gregory shrank back flinching as Negan leaned back letting out a loud bark of laughter, his hand taking a punishing hold on the man's arm, "Can't say I'm surprised. You never were any kind of a leader." 

"Wait, please, I can still be of use." Gregory babbled tugging at the hold on him uselessly. 

"And give you the chance to embarrass me again?" Negan squeezed his arm his smile full of venom. Everyone knew Negan did everything for his ego's sake and making him look bad was not wise. 

"Please, Negan, no. Spare me and I won't fail again" Gregory was shaking hard as the man paused seeming to think it over. 

"Nah," Negan flung the man forward making him topple over the railing of the platform, he hit the ground with a sickening crunch, "Well it's been real, Rick. It's been fun but it hasn't-…....what the fuck is that sound?" 

Like a tidal wave the sound of moans covered the area. It echoed off the walls sending chills down spines, the rumble of a bike just barely audible. Paul grinned as Rick smirked, "Our numbers." 

\-------------------------- 

Daryl could hear the sound of gun fire soon after Paul's voice flowed through the radio. It made the walkers pick up their pace even more. Daryl's teeth ached from grinding them, he hated not being on the front line of this, he should have been there. The explosion had put him on edge, he knew they had collected a good bit of explosives with every intension of using them but it didn't make the sound of it anymore comforting. So, he tried to put his mind elsewhere but he had already had too much time over the last hours to get lost in his own head. 

Daryl knew what Paul was going to say at the gate that morning. He had panicked, no way was Paul going to dare utter that word. Especially right before they were going to face off with Negan. That word was a curse, Daryl Dixon wasn't allowed to have something like love in his life. 

He liked Paul, of course he did and it wasn't worth the effort to pretend otherwise. Love was different though. He had felt it before, gotten tastes of it over the years but it never worked out. He used to think the only thing he would ever love and not lose was Merle. They went through so much together and nothing ever tore them apart, even when they couldn’t stand each other. Nothing, until the Governor. 

Then Beth was there with her big blue eyes and soft voice. Gentle touches and ironclad trust that he didn't deserve. Beth who was so strong but just as fragile. Beth's heavy weight on his back and light limp form in his arms. He couldn't do that, not again. 

Liking meant he could move on. See, he liked Rick. The man was his brother now but if he died Daryl could soldier on, for the memory of the leader. He could only like Paul. He liked his clear blue gaze and sure tone. Daryl liked Paul's strength just as much as his soft edges. He could like Paul's kisses and hands on his body but wouldn’t admit to love. Love was a potential loss he couldn't carry again. 

The ground under the bike vibrated as the sound of another explosion rang out. Daryl could see the smoke already filling the air, he could see the top Sanctuary from the road, this time it billowed toward the front of the building. Too close to where the communities were. He was only a mile out now, he revved the engine as pulled ahead of the herd. He should have been there, not on herd duty again, whether Rick believed it or not he could handle facing off with Negan. 

The walkers didn't need him to guide them anymore, they only had one path now and it was toward the action. Daryl's knuckles were white on the handlebars as he sped forward, not even realizing as it slipped past his lips, _"Paul."_

\--------------------------------- 

"Motherfuckers!" Negan yelled and his men resumed fire. 

Everyone scrambled back behind the buses, not all made it. Negan withdrew back inside with Simon and Dwight. Holly had kept close to Rick's side after Michonne had taken over handling the snipers, she yanked Rick to the side just as a bullet zipped past his head. Aaron pushed Eric down as a spray of bullets peppered the edge of the bus. The fence was bending as the walkers yanked against it, some nearly tearing themselves apart. The metal wouldn't withstand much longer. 

"We have to start moving out before the walkers get here," Rick hollered, "Load back up, watch each other!" 

"The fence is still up!" Holly yelled, they had hoped it would be down by the time the herd got there. 

"No way it will hold, let's go!" Rosita was covering the entrance of a bus as people filed in. 

Almost everyone was loaded up when the SUV cranked up. Rick whipped around finding Holly shoving it in gear and hitting the gas. Everything else seemed to hit a stand still as she tore around the buses, the gate crumpled under the front end. She jerked the wheel to the side swerving around the building to the rows of trailers on the grounds. 

"She can't stay in there." Michonne rushed down next to Rick as people swarmed the wrecked SUV. 

"We're not leaving her-" Rick started but everyone was knocked to the down as the car exploded. The shockwave of it too strong for anyone to keep their feet under them as the ground shook. 

The smell of burnt flesh was the first thing Paul noticed as he tried to pick himself up. All the remaining glass in the buses windows had shattered, screaming from inside them sounded far off to his abused eardrums. Rosita said there had been more bombs in the car, Holly must have pulled a pin. 

Gunfire lulled as everything came back into focus. The fence was down, pieces of bodies were all over the place. Two of the trailers were on fire even though the main building seemed somehow still untouched. Carol had blood dripping from a cut at her hairline where she had hit the asphalt. Rick was wobbling as he hurried the last of the army into the buses. Ezekiel lifted Carol to her feet and helped her in. 

"Jesus!" Tara held her hand out to him and he took it. He moved to climb in with her when the roar of a bike hit his adjusting ears. 

Daryl came flying up the road his eyes moving franticly before locking on Paul. He slowed to a roll, the roar of the engine almost completely drowned out by the picked-up gunfire and the near eardrum splitting groans. Daryl pulled his pistol from his hip, shooting a few walkers that started ambling from the trees nearby that were closing in on the few disoriented people still outside the buses. 

"Let's get the fuck outta here!" Daryl shouted shoving his gun in the holster. 

Rick seconded the sentiment as he pulled Carl on board with him and buses started pulling off, circling to head away from the walkers and Saviors. Paul's hand slipped from Tara's, his body moving without thought. Daryl hadn’t stopped as Paul's leg swung over the back of the bike even clearing the crossbow with ease. 

Paul barely had his ass on the seat before Daryl twisted the handle and they took off. Paul's hands buried in the sweat soaked shirt over Daryl's stomach. They stayed even with the front bus, the first of the walkers reaching the Sanctuary within seconds. After a few minutes Daryl's hand came down to rest over Paul's, neither of them dared to acknowledge the twin tremors within the hold. 

\------------------------- 

When there were miles behind them Rick called over the radio for them to pull over to regroup. The bullet hole covered machines screeched to a halt. A couple of the buses had flat tires but they could limp home, blood was splattered on the faded yellow. No one wanted to think about the bodies that had been left behind. 

Daryl turned off the bike, it took Paul a moment to get him legs to stand. Daryl got off behind him, pulling his gloves off as he went. Paul tugged his beanie off using it to press to his cheek before Daryl titled his head back. He didn't resist as Daryl pulled his hand down and let the hat fall to the ground between their feet. Paul watched Daryl's brow creasing as the still sluggishly dripping cut was revealed. 

Daryl’s fingertip ran over the length of it. Barely a centimeter from the corner of his right eye down until it cut into his beard at the top of his jaw. Paul winced at the pressure on the tender torn skin, the cut was deep. Daryl slid his hand down to cup his chin eyes still looking intently at the wound. He should have been there. 

Daryl pulled him close, careful of his cheek as he held the smaller body to his chest. Paul could feel the older man's heart racing, it felt like it was trying to slam its way out of his ribcage. Paul wrapped his arms around Daryl's broad back burying his face in his shoulder, not even the stinging in his face could stop him from doing so. Daryl's rough hands buried in his hair letting the slightly sweaty locks lace through his fingers. 

They stood there for a while, just feeling each other breathe not caring if anyone stared at them. It seemed so stupid now, trying to act like he didn't care about the ninja as much as he did. The thought of Paul having died while he wasn't there made an ache settle in his chest that he couldn't shake, even with Paul in his arms now. If Paul hadn't made it he wouldn't have been able to just move on, he probably never would get past it no matter how hard he tried. Daryl leaned back after another moment, holding Paul's face in his palms again, looking at the cut like a new obsession. 

"Just a graze," Paul whispered as Daryl's hands moved down his neck to his shoulders like he was patting him down. Paul chuckled catching his hands, "I'm fine." 

Now that Daryl had time to truly look him over he did seem to be, so Daryl stopped his fussing instead leaning forward to kiss him. Paul tasted like blood and gunpowder but Daryl just deepened the kiss. Paul raised up on his toes to return it enthusiastically before stepping back. People from every community filtered off the buses to sort themselves out. Paul gave him a comforting smile as went over to make sure the remaining colonist were alright. Daryl holding his hands just a moment longer before letting him slip away. 

Daryl caught Carl around the neck as he walked over to the boy's father. Carl didn't try to break the hold too tired to fight the childish embrace. Rick smiled as Daryl met him for a handshake. Everyone was grimy and nearly exhausted but the air was vibrating around them with happiness and relief. At least for the time being. 

Daryl's eyes found Carol, she had snuck by and was standing over near his bike. Her armor dusty, gun slung easily over her shoulder taking everything in with a content air about her. Daryl walked over sitting on the seat of his bike with a sigh. She smiled down at him, he noticed the dried blood on her temple. 

"Ya alright?" He gestured to the wound, her fingers coming up to touch it lightly before waving the concern away. 

"A scrape, it could have been worse." She reached over pushing his air blown hair from his face. Daryl nodded bringing his hand up to squeeze hers before she pulled away. 

A loud joyous laugh had them looking over to the group. King Ezekiel had his head thrown back pulling Paul to his side. The smaller man grinned at the king's enthusiasm. Paul was shaking his head but didn't resist the hold. 

"Ezekiel's a bit much, huh?" Daryl huffed watching as the dark-skinned man did something else to make laughter trickle through the group around him. 

"He is." Carol nodded but Daryl didn't miss the softness of her eyes as she looked back at the man. 

"Ya like it," Daryl watched as she turned a questioning look to him, so he amended, "Ya like him." 

Daryl didn't miss the blush that filled her cheeks or the smile as she spoke softly, "Some days I do. Is it obvious?" 

"Not as much as it is with him, he practically worships the ground ya walk on." Daryl teased making her smack his arm, "Nah but ya found something there, with him at the Kingdom. Something good. I'm happy for ya." 

Carol had been like him, never truly finding their place in Alexandria. It was home, it always would be but it wasn't what they needed. Carol had needed peace, needed to escape and Ezekiel had been able to give her that. He had been able to let her put her pieces back together and find her will to fight again. Daryl could respect the King for that, even if he was too theatrical for the redneck's taste. 

Carol leaned over to kiss his forehead, cupping his sweaty face for a moment before stepping back. Daryl smiled up at her until another distinct laugh filled the air. They looked back over to see Paul almost doubled over as Jerry acted something out with over the top gestures. Daryl's heart kicked up an extra beat at the sound. Ezekiel nudging Paul with his own chuckles. Daryl didn't see Carol staring at him as he watched the ninja. 

"He's going to live." Daryl's voice sent a shiver down her spine. Surprising her with the somber words after all their light ones. 

"So are you." Carol didn't know who she was trying to convince about that fact. She wanted to step back when he turned his eyes to her, they were so hard with resolve. 

"Nah, I mean, he's making it to the other side of all this bullshit. No matter what," Daryl had so much confidence and determination in his voice she couldn't think of a response, "Paul is going to live." 

The _'even if I don't'_ hung heavy between them. Daryl hadn't wanted to not be by the ninja's side but he had gone along with the plan and Paul got hurt. Not even another inch and Paul's body would have been another left on the asphalt. Daryl wouldn’t even have known until later, until the man didn't climb off the bus with the other survivors. 

So, Daryl would always be there from now on. The world needed people like Paul Rovia, much more than it needed him. It wasn't just for his own selfishness, Daryl was going to make certain Paul didn't die so that he could help Rick change their world. People like Paul could do that, change things. So, Daryl was going to make sure he was still around to do just that. If that benefitted Daryl just as much he wasn't going to complain. 

Carol could only nod, she knew when it was pointless to argue with the redneck. Daryl returned the gesture, she gave a deep sigh, "You're never going to tell him, are you? 

Daryl's eyes wandered to the ground as he gnawed at his lip for a minute, "Tell him what?" 

"Come on, Pookie. Don't play dumb with me, it doesn't suit you." Carol leveled a stern look that him that might have sent a lesser man squirming. He may have felt a tingle run up his spine but that was it. 

"Tell him what?" Daryl repeated lamely for lack of a better defense trying to look at her with a confused expression that she wasn't buying. 

Carol sighed deeply and kept her voice slow like she was speaking to a difficult child, "That you love him." 

"Oh," Daryl whispered, he knew what she had meant but didn't want to face it. He didn't even what her saying that word, "Uh, no." 

Carol shook her head at him. Daryl couldn’t look at her disappointed face, so he averted his gaze. Of course, it found Paul. Paul who was now helping get the wounded on the right bus home. Paul who had pulled his hair up into a loose ponytail that looked much too nice on him. Daryl's eyes always found the scout and maybe he wasn't being the most discreet about it. 

"You do though, right?" Carol tilted her head crossing her arms over her chest. She remembered their talk on the porch but with someone like Daryl, who could talk himself out of feeling almost anything, it was always good to make sure. 

Daryl sighed deeply, it had never done him any good to lie to her. She had always been the best with secrets after all and this was one that had to stay hidden. It was safer that way. 

Daryl swallowed thickly, besides she seemed to have a pretty good idea about how he felt anyway. He refused to say that word, that one cursed word, so he settled for, "Yeah, maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please consider leaving a comment, they mean the world to me. They motivate me and all critique is vital. 
> 
> All thoughts are welcome! Also, if there is anything y'all want to happen in the story let me know. This fic is for y'all after all. I'll try to incorporate any requests to the best of my abilities. 
> 
> As always, I can found over on tumblr under scramblingminds


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was a beast that's for sure! Thanks for all of y'all's comments and kudos while waiting for this part! All I can say is I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. But ya know, mind the tags. 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, as always.
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr at scramblingminds.tumblr.com

The buses for the Kingdom parted ways first, leaving the other to roll towards Alexandria. Rick and Michonne would move over to travel to Hilltop from there. Maggie needed to know what happened and they had to get Judith. Daryl lead the way on his bike, Paul sitting more relaxed than before at his back. 

Tobin was on the gate when they got back, the buses for the community pulled in while the other two waited outside the left open gate. People crowded around as they climbed out, it was a tense moment before cheers broke out. The war was far from over but it was a battle hard won. So, a little joyful racket was acceptable but it wasn't enough to cover a sound that hit Daryl's ears. 

"Y'all hear that?" Daryl knocked his kick stand down as silence cut through the congregation. 

It was a truck engine and it was getting close. Guns cocked everywhere as the large black pick up came speeding toward the gate. The windshield was tinted too dark to see who might be inside. It sped past the Hilltop's buses right into the Safe Zone before slamming on the breaks. After a tense moment, when every finger was on a trigger the passenger door opened. 

Paul gasped dropping his pistol, "Carson!" 

Harlan Carson stepped out, sporting a lot of new bruises but no worse for wear. The colonists flooded out taking turns pulling the man in for hugs and back slaps. Rick stepped up taking the man's hand in a firm shake. Dwight had told him to sneak out just minutes before the ambush, right after the fire fight started he went out the unmanned back gate. 

"Who brought you?" Rosita demanded her gun still trained on the unseen driver. 

The door opened slowly, a pause before the person stepped around. Eugene Porter stood before them swallowing thickly, "Hello." 

"You?!" Rosita nearly screeched, lowering her gun just to swing her fist, "You fucking traitor." 

Eugene stumbled back from the punch, keeping his head down, "I am so sorry." 

"How do we know this isn't a trap?" Rosita snapped, "You could be coming here to work for Negan, you are him now after all." 

Eugene shook his head franticly, "I am not, I would never do that. Please, I am sorry." 

Rick stepped up face hard and unreadable, "What reason do we have to believe you?" 

"He's been working with Dwight from the start," Carson spoke up, knowing his words would carry more influence, "They are trying to turn Negan's men against him. It's actually working fairly well. He also did help me get out and brought me right here." 

Rick considered this before turning back to the pretend scientist, "Who are you?" 

"I am Eugene Porter, of Alexandria Safe Zone," He spoke surely, unwavering under Rick's gaze before looking back over at Rosita, "And I will forever be sorry for hurting you all." 

Rosita made a choked sound in the back of her throat before give one curt nod. Tara stepped forward to the man, opening her arms with a small smile. He let out a shaky breath before stepping into the hug. Trust wasn't immediately given back but they were willing to give the man another shot. He had been family once after all. 

"If nothing else," Daryl crossed his arms step up next to Rick knocking him with his elbow, "Negan just lost his prize bullet maker." 

Rick could only smirk at the smartass comment. 

\------------------------- 

When they reached Hilltop, a storm was brewing overhead, the thunder seeming to announce their arrival. Maggie was at the gate on watch when they pulled up. Paul and Daryl were practically yanked off the bike by joyous hands. Daryl didn't like all the grabbing and praise, he didn't feel like he had done much. Of course, he knew the walkers were a key component of their plan but anyone could have done that. He could have been there with Rick at the front line, like he used to be. 

Maggie nearly crushed the air from his lungs, giving Paul the same treatment. When Carson came off the bus Maggie was almost in tears from happiness. Carson waved off hugs moving instead to work on getting the wounded to the medical trailer. Paul started helping the doctor, Daryl opting to go with Rick and Michonne to fill Maggie in. 

There were only a handful of injured people, all of them varying degrees of GSW's. Paul was pitching in helping Carson and Alex by getting them fresh gauze and needles for stitches. Paul had to assist Harlan by holding a woman down as he dug a slug from her shoulder before she could be sewn up. 

"We should take care of that," Carson pointed at Paul's cheek that had finally stopped bleeding. Paul tried to shake his head, it was fine now, these other wounds were so much worse, "Alex, that care of Jesus for me." 

Alex turned from where he was giving his last patient a dose of pain killers and nodded after eyeing Paul for a minute. He gestured at a chair in the back corner of the trailer, one of the few remaining empty spots in the room. Paul didn't think it was necessary but obeyed, walking over to sit down. 

Alex changed his gloves, using one finger to titled his bearded chin up before nodding to himself. He went over to a drawer grabbing a few things, "I'm going to clean it then glue it, regular stitches would pull too much when you talk and make it heal slower. The glue will dissolve in a week, come back then and I'll see if you need more." 

Paul nodded leaning his head back so Alex could run a cotton ball coated with alcohol over the cut. Paul managed not to wince as he rubbed the disinfectant in. The liquid stitch smelled a lot like super glue as Alex used a swab to cover the torn skin. It burned worse than the alcohol but Paul still didn't move. While the glue was still wet Alex opened a few butterfly bandages so he could use them to pinch the skin closed. 

"This is going to scar." Alex mumbled placing the first bandage. 

"There goes my modeling contract." Paul rolled his eyes not being able to suppress the flinch when Alex pinched his skin again and slapped the band aid on. 

"A lot of people don't like these kind of things," Alex glared at the smartass scout, "Especially not on pretty faced ninja boys." 

Alex had just finished with the wound when Paul shoved him away from him so he could stand, "I'll have to get a second opinion on that, nurse." 

Alex opened his mouth like he might have something else to say but Paul walked off. Paul's face was red as he left the trailer, it seemed even the end of the world didn't stop ex's from being shitty. 

\----------------------- 

It was nearly a feast that night for dinner, the threat of rain still overhead so they all crowded into the dining room and kitchen of Barrington House. Rick and Michonne opted to stay the night, radioing back home to let everyone know they would return the next morning. Paul and Daryl were squished into chairs at the head of the table, Paul laughing enough for both of them. 

Daryl's eyes kept tracing the bandaged cut. Paul had changed clothes after leaving the medical trailer, the bloodstained vest and shirt traded for a clean sweater. Paul would catch him staring but just smile and give his arm a comforting squeeze. Dinner stretched on much longer than usual so it was late when Rick put Judith to bed and moved to the office. 

Maggie, Michonne, Daryl and Paul joined him. Dwight had shown them on a map where all the outposts were, they had taken down the closest but there was almost a dozen left. The storm finally let loose above them as Rick spread the map out. Thunder a good accompaniment for the leader's voice as he pointed out the posts that might be the most trouble. 

Paul watched as Daryl and Rick hammered out strategies with the woman adding in adjustments. Paul knew this is how they have always been. Before Negan and the Hilltop, these people had each other and had won so many battles. They were good at it, together. Paul leaned back against the wall, a crack of lightning and thunder followed by a cry only he seemed to hear. 

Paul listened closely, the sound of crying quiet but constant now that he was paying attention. Paul said nothing as he slipped from the room, smiling at the fact that the four of them were so engrossed with each other they didn’t notice. Now, he could hear clearly without the heavy oak door to muffle the sound. 

Paul hurried up the stairs to Maggie's room. He opened the door as thunder seemed to try and shake the house apart, Judith screaming at the noise. She was standing in the play pen turned crib, her face flushed and tear streaked. Paul left the door cracked so the hall light could bring a calm glow to the dark room. 

"Hey, gorgeous, what's wrong?" Paul whispered scooping her up to his chest. 

Judith screeched even as she buried her face in his neck. She usually hated being held like a baby, preferring to be upright so she could move around as she wished but she let him cradle her in his arms. Paul grinned at the irony, this little girl had been face to face with walkers and killers her whole life but it was storms that scared her. 

Paul shushed her, rocking her gently as she cried. Every clap of thunder or flash of lightning making her cry out and tremble. Paul had to do something, he pressed his lips into her soft hair, "I didn't like storms when I was little either. My mom used to always sing to me, want me to sing you a song, baby girl?" 

Judith sniffled around a sob, Paul could feel the wet spot on his sweater from her tears. 

Paul hummed for a minute, thinking over the lyrics as he relived the tone that he hadn't thought of in ages. Judith whined and Paul took a deep breath, _"Little child, be not afraid. The rain pounds harsh against the glass. Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger. I am here tonight."_

Paul made sure to keep his voice low, letting the words roll soothingly of his tongue, the melody coming to him easily like a ghost of a memory. Some people had told him the song was haunting but he always found it to be comforting, hoping his light voice could do the same for Judith, _"Little child, be not afraid. Though thunder explodes and lightning flash. Illuminates your tearstained face. I am here tonight."_

Judith was still whimpering but she leaned back to stare up at him, he smiled combing his fingers through her hair as she focused on his voice, _"And someday you'll know, that nature is so. This same rain that draws you near me, falls on rivers and land and forests and sand. Makes the beautiful world that you see. In the morning."_

Her tears were slowing, Paul leaned down pressing a kiss to her still furrowed brow and she buried her small hands in his hair that fell over his shoulders, _"Little child, be not afraid. The wind makes creatures of our trees and the branches to hands, they're not real, understand. And I am here tonight."_

Another loud rumble of thunder her had her burrowing into his chest, Paul moved his mouth close to her ear to cover the noise from outside and keep the calm she had managed to find, _"For you know, once even I was a little child. And I was afraid. But a gentle someone always came. To dry all my tears. Trade sweet sleep the fears. And to give a kiss goodnight."_

Paul rubbed his thumb over her cheeks to dry the tears as her breathing started to even out, an occasional hiccup slipping past her lips, _"Well, now I am grown. And these years have shown rain's a part of how life goes. But it's dark and it's late, so I'll hold you and wait 'til your frightened eyes do close."_

Paul rocked her as she slipped down to nestle in the crook of his elbow, even though she was a bit big for such, he still held her close, _"And I hope that you'll know that nature is so. This same rain that draws you near me, falls on rivers and land and forests and sand. Makes the beautiful world that you see. In the morning."_

Paul carefully settled her onto the blankets of her makeshift bed, her eyes were drooping and the storm was slowly rolling off into the distance. Paul leaned down kissing her forehead and softly sang, _"Everything's fine in the morning. The rain will be gone in the morning. But I'll still be here in the morning."_

Paul hummed as the song ended, keeping the melody floating in the air as Judith started snuffling with sleep. Paul ran his knuckles over her cheeks one last time, removing any remaining moisture. It had been so long since he had thought of that song even longer than he had sung it. It always made him remember his mother, her big sweet eyes and beautiful voice. It's been more than twenty years since the cancer took her but the ache in his heart never faded. 

"Good night, Judy." Paul kept the sing-song to his voice as he slowly crept from the room. 

Judith rolled over, not waking as she got comfortable for the night. Paul closed the door to the room soundlessly, nearly jumping out of his skin to find Daryl sitting leaned back against the wall next to it. Paul swatted at his head, Daryl grinned up at him catching his hand. Paul moved around to slide to the floor next to him. 

"Ya ditched me." Daryl tugged Paul's hand to into his lap, pulling his knees up so his feet sat on the floor with his elbows on his kneecaps. Paul's hand hanging in his between his thighs with their fingers laced together so Paul had no choice but to lean into his side. 

Paul smiled laying his head on the broad shoulder, "She was crying, I thought she wasn't afraid of anything but the storm got to her." 

"Ya handled it pretty good." Daryl's palm was rough against his as Paul ran his thumb over a small circular scar to the side of the older man's knuckle. 

"How long have you been out here?" Paul titled his head back so he could look at the side of Daryl's head. 

The older man shrugged, Paul's head moving with the motion, "Since ya started singing." 

"Ah, you heard all that." Paul's face went pink as Daryl grunted. 

Paul was still unsure of how Daryl felt about his singing. For weeks the man had cut him off if he so much as hummed a note but there was that night Daryl had asked him to sing. Daryl had fallen asleep though but Paul wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not. 

"Yer mom sang that to ya?" Daryl asked using his other hand to run fingers over the back of Paul's hand and up his wrist. 

Paul nodded, "Yeah, she gave me songs. Don't know if I got her voice but I still remember the words." 

Daryl remembered how Paul got his smile and now he knew where Paul got his musical inclinations. It seemed like Paul's parents had given him a lot of lovely things even in the short time they were together. Daryl mostly only had nightmares of his. The way Paul's voice wavered when mentioning his mother was proof of the love he had been given. He clearly missed the woman even after all that time. 

Daryl turned his head, his lips were tickled by Paul's hair as he whispered, "It's a good song, better voice." 

Daryl couldn't see the smile that spread over Paul's quivering lips, so Paul squeezed his hand tight. 

\------------------------------- 

 

The first week after the attack on the Sanctuary were surprisingly calm. Even with the forces from each community taking on different outposts. The Kingdom, since they had the larger numbers had already taken out two. Alexandria and Hilltop each had overtaken one each. After the last attack by King Ezekiel it seemed that most of the Saviors had fallen back to the furthest posts. 

The Saviors of course, weren't just sitting around waiting to be taken over. The walls of the communities made it difficult for the smaller factions of Negan's crew to take them head on. They preferred to raid and try to kill the travel parties. A twisted form of guerrilla warfare that had people from all the communities on edge. Many good people had lost their lives all around. 

It was a rare day where Daryl and Paul were staying inside the walls but not on any duty. Daryl had spent his morning with Earl again before returning to the trailer after lunch. Paul was with Maggie, where he spent most of his time nowadays. With nothing better to do Daryl set to work cleaning and sharping his bolts. 

Paul came back when he was on the third one. He didn't disturb the archer, let him finish the task by going to shower. Daryl was nearly down when he came back out in just a towel. Daryl nearly snapped his arrow when Paul strolled out, cotton slung low on his hips. Daryl's eyes followed him as he walked over to grab his usual sweatpants from his drawer. 

Daryl's throat clicked with a dry swallow as Paul dropped the towel, back on full display. His long, water darkened hair sticking to his shoulder blades. The skin smooth and pale from his nape all the way down to his waist. A few freckles trickled down from the broad swoop of his shoulders. Daryl's couldn't stop his eyes from drifting lowers as Paul bent to step into the pants. 

Daryl knew Paul had a great ass, not even the baggiest cargos could hide that fact. Daryl had even had a handful of the mounds a few times; during heated moments in bed and just out and about. Paul's cheeks always lit up when Daryl smacked his ass in passing. Daryl had sputtered like crazy when the scout had returned the favor, Maggie had laughed so hard she got hiccups. Seeing it on full display was different though. 

It was round with muscle and had just the slightest bounce to it. The skin even paler but the lightest lines could be seen, Daryl didn't know a few small stretch marks could be so appealing. Paul's ass curved down into thick powerful thighs that Daryl knew firsthand felt amazing clenching against him. Paul wiggled his hips as he tugged his sweats up, the elastic snapping in place. 

"You alright, babe?" Paul grinned back at him over his shoulder. 

Daryl's eyes snapped up, almost dropping everything in his hands at being caught gawking. Paul seemed to have wanted him to look though, given the fact that they had never been naked with each other before. They usually had to be quick, a hurried hand or blow job. The few times they had been able to take their time Daryl had stayed fully clothed. Paul would take off his shirt or strip down to just his boxers. 

Daryl had stiffened so bad the first time Paul had tried to run his fingers under the hem of Daryl's shirt the younger man had instantly backed off. He didn't try again after that, settled on touching the skin he could see. Kissing and grabbing onto Daryl's neck, clawing at his biceps as Daryl made him writhe. Paul didn't ask him why he couldn't take his shirt off, he had just accepted that there had to be a reason for Daryl's reluctance. 

"Ya tease." Daryl glared turning back to his chore. 

Paul laughed walking over to the mirror on the wall. He ran his brush through his hair, pulling it back onto a bun after tugging any knots free. He turned his face, poking at the healing skin of his cheek. He had stopped by the see Carson, glaring at Alex the whole time, so the doc could look over the cut. Carson had told him to keep cleaning like he was, it was healing just like it should and it didn’t need any more liquid stitch. It didn't hurt him at all anymore, the scab pulled sometimes but otherwise he didn't even pay it any mind. 

Paul knew it was going to scar. There would be a raised line running down his face for the rest of his life but it didn't bother him too much. Most of the time anyway. Even though he didn't take Alex words to heart it surprised him quick the man had pointed out something so superficial. Everyone had scars nowadays. Rick and Michonne both had them on their faces, there was also Carl and what he had suffered. 

Alex had just been a fling, someone who warmed his bed and passed the time. Paul knew he was just bitter that Paul had gotten bored of him. The sex had been descent but nothing special. It wasn't like with Daryl. Paul knew Alex was mad that Paul had broken things off not long after they made alliance with Alexandria. Not long after Paul had laid eyes on the redneck and instantly fell. 

To imply though, that Daryl wouldn’t want him because of a measly blemish was ridiculous. Daryl wasn't the type to care about such trivial things. Daryl had his own scars after all and the scout had feeling there was a good reason Daryl always kept his shirt on. Paul poked at the scab, it itched on occasion but another week and it would fall away. In the mirror he could see Daryl cleaning his now razor-sharp bolts. 

"The Kingdom radioed earlier, Jerry said they are going to run out of ammo soon. Eugene said he could make more but needs brass," Paul watched Daryl in the mirror as the man glance over him while he spoke so he knew he wasn't ignoring him, "I told Maggie we could go on a run for scrap metal tomorrow and drop it off. That okay?" 

"Whatever ya wanna do, Speedy." Daryl set his finished arrows aside, getting up to wash his hands as Paul's head whipped around. 

"What did you call me?" Paul chuckled as Daryl scrubbed his hands and dried them before he walked back to the couch. 

Daryl leaned back into the cushions, "I didn't stutter." 

Paul walked over to plop down on Daryl's lap, the older man grunted slightly as Paul fell across his thighs. Paul pulled his feet up into the unused side of the couch, getting comfortable, "Speedy, huh? Still upset that I always outrun you?" 

"Maybe," Daryl shrugged sniffing in pretend offense, "Ya want me to call ya somethin' else?" 

"Oh, no. What else could you come up with?" Paul felt giddy that Daryl would want to come up with nicknames for him beyond his usual one. Not that Daryl really ever called him 'Jesus' much before. 

"Don' know," Daryl tilted his head with a hum, "Ninja?" 

Paul scrunched his nose shaking his head, Alex's words had ruined that one. 

"Motor mouth?" Daryl grinned as Paul smacked his chest, "Brat?" 

"Does it have to be mean?" Paul laughed as Daryl stared at him, his grin slipping down into a small smile. 

Daryl's hands came up to cup Paul's face, his thumb running over his cheek along the line of his healing scar. Paul breath hitched as calloused hands tilted his face forward, chapped lips pressing onto the scab. With how close they were Paul couldn't miss the murmur, "Gorgeous." 

Daryl's eyes were inches from his, clear blue and so honest. Daryl was never anything but honest. Paul reached up to hold Daryl's hands, keeping them in place as he twisted to straddle the larger man's lap. Daryl leaned up to place another peck to his unmarred cheek. Paul pressed close, sharing the same air. 

Both of them just sat like that for a while, happy to just feel each other breathe. Daryl's hands settled on Paul's waist as Paul was content to run his fingers over the length of Daryl's neck. Occasionally tangling in the hair at this nape for a moment before moving again. 

"I-" Paul's voice sounded loud in the silent trailer, "I like it when you say my name." 

"Paul?" Daryl husked, throat dry. The vulnerability in those big eyes had Daryl taken back, Paul didn't hide things but he wasn't the most open about himself. He could be just as guarded as the older man when he wanted to be. For him to put out there something he genuinely liked was rare. 

"Yeah, almost no one does. I like when you do." Paul tucked Daryl's overgrown bangs back. 

"Paul." Daryl repeated pulling the smaller man even closer, their chest moving together as Paul leaned his forehead against Daryl's. 

"Daryl," Paul breathed, Daryl hummed deep in his chest, bumping his nose against Paul's, "Kiss me." 

Daryl did. His mouth captured Paul's with gentle heat, Paul whined as he opened to it. The slick clicks of their lips and tongues the only sound around them. Daryl's rough hands ran up Paul's bare back making the scout shudder. Paul wanted so bad to get his hands on Daryl's skin but settled for burying them in his hair. 

Daryl gasped softly as Paul's hips rolled against him. His position on Daryl's lap had his weight pressing down on the older man's crotch as his hips pressed into Daryl's stomach. Daryl's hands found Paul's ass, where they had wanted to be since he strutted out of the bathroom. Paul moaned as Daryl squeezed while he yanked Paul down, grinding his hips up in the same motion. 

Daryl broke the kiss, licking his reddened lips, "Bed?" 

Paul nodded, "Yep, bed." 

Daryl tightened his grip on the firm ass still in his palms as he stood. Paul wrapped his arms around his shoulders, knees holding tight to his sides as Daryl crossed the short distance. Paul wasn't light but Daryl ignored the way his knees popped. Daryl had barely laid Paul back on the bed before the used some ninja skill to flip their position. Daryl blinked as his head landed on the pillow with Paul sitting on top of him again. 

Paul's hands made quick work of Daryl's belt and buttons. Paul slid back opening Daryl's pants as he went. He pushed them down just enough to get Daryl's growing cock free. Daryl groaned as Paul took him into his mouth without preamble. Paul could always work him to full hardness in just moments. His hands making a wreck of the bun on Paul's head. 

Daryl hadn't had a lot of sex in his life but he was no virgin. He didn't sleep with just anyone, there had to be something there. The other person had to mean more to him than a passing fling or he couldn't get it up. Honestly, he hadn't been aroused like this in a long time, if ever before. 

Daryl felt heat coiling in his belly as Paul moved his throat around him, he was getting so close. He could've shouted when Paul pulled back leaving him dripping and very close to the edge. Daryl glared at him as he moved off the foot of the bed. Paul smirked at the look before hooking his thumbs in his waistband. Daryl's brain only got a second to process what was about to happen before the sweats hit the floor. 

"Holy shit." Daryl groaned. 

Daryl didn't know why someone so beautiful was in bed with him. Paul's shoulders tapered down into a narrow waist. His hip bones drew the eye lower, the hair there was dark but thin. His erection already dripping just from having Daryl in his mouth, the foreskin pulling back to show the slick tip. Daryl watched his thighs ripple and cock bob as he crawled back into the bed. 

Paul smirk grew before he swallowed Daryl back down, moaning around his length. Daryl's head slammed back into the pillow as Paul bobbed his head. Daryl sat up after catching his breath, all that skin on display, he had to feel it. One perk of being larger than the other man was his reach. 

Paul gasped pulling back to lap at the tip as Daryl's hands ran down his spine. His fingers danced over Paul's sides making him shiver. Paul didn't have scars on his body, his knuckles had some from training but not the long expanses of flesh. Daryl's hands stayed mostly on his unblemished back before drifting lower. 

Paul's ass filled his palms with more to spare. The skin was smooth, Paul didn't have much hair on his body unlike his head and face. Daryl squeezed the cheeks making Paul moan. The sound encouraging him to grip tighter, pulling them slightly apart. Paul's back arched, pressing back into his hands. 

It took a moment for Daryl to find the nerve. He knew what Paul liked, he had sucked him off enough to know. Paul always came the hardest when Daryl's fingers wandered. Daryl swallowed as he dripped a fingertip in to run down the crease, Paul moaned loud around his mouthful at the touch. 

The skin was damp, Daryl thought from the shower. Until he ran his finger back up stopping to press on the hole. It was even more moist, a little too slick actually. The ring of muscle soft as Daryl applied more pressure with a rub. Paul had stopped sucking him, holding Daryl's throbbing cock in his mouth like he was waiting. Throwing caution to the wind Daryl slipping his finger inside to the second knuckle, the slide eased by more slickness. 

Paul shot up with a shout, burying his face in Daryl's shoulder as he curled his finger, "Ya tease." 

Paul rocked back, shivering as he pressed into Daryl's hand, "I prefer to think of it as being prepared for anything." 

Daryl shook his head as he pulled his hand back making Paul whimper before turning them around. Paul's head thumped back on the pillow as Daryl used his larger size to press between Paul's legs. 

"What if I wanted to make sure ya were....prepared myself?" Daryl leaned back grinning as Paul lulled his thighs open further for him. 

"For this," Paul reached down with one hand to stroke Daryl's cock making the older man swallow a moan. Paul opened his side table with his other hand, fishing out a bottle that he held out to Daryl, "I still need some prep. Your fingers are bigger than mine." 

"Fuck, that mouth." Daryl snatched the bottle, opening it quickly. 

"You've done that," Paul pulled his knees up higher as Daryl covered his fingers in lube before dropping the bottle on the table, "I was hoping you'd want to fuck me now." 

Daryl growled low in his throat, two fingers entering Paul with ease making his back arch. The ninja knew how to rile a man up, that was for sure. Paul's hands came up to bury in the pillow under his head as he writhed, Daryl's fingers much thicker than his own. Daryl couldn't take his eyes off of him. His three fingers stretched him until he whined, hair falling loose over the pillowcase. He stared up at Daryl, eyes cloudy and his mouth open with constant moans falling from his red lips. He was a sight, one Daryl never wanted to forget. 

One of Paul's hands found his shoulder, holding tight before slipping down his collarbone. His finger had just barely pushed the first button free when Daryl's other hand grabbed his. Paul blinked as Daryl went still, his chest rising and falling harshly. Paul was sharing something so important with him but he couldn't let him see. His back was a mangled mess and his chest was only marginally better. 

"I.....I can't...." Daryl gritted his teeth, embarrassed by his own cowardice. 

"You don't have to, if you don't want to," Paul cupped his flushed face, "It's okay." 

Daryl knew it kind of wasn't though but Paul always accepted his bullshit. Daryl curled his fingers making Paul toss his head back, the awkwardness already forgotten. Paul before long was pressing back into his hand, nearly begging for more. 

Daryl pulled his fingers out falling forward to brace on his elbows over the smaller man. Catching his mouth in a kiss as they both fought to catch their breath. One of Paul's arms wrapped around Daryl's shoulders as the other dipped between them. Paul hand trembled as he gripped Daryl's length, angling it so the tip ran over his soaked hole. 

"Ya don't wanna use something?" Daryl looked over at the closed table drawer, "Ya got any?" 

"Condoms?" Paul shook his head, "They'd be expired anyway." 

Daryl nodded but still looked hesitant, "Yer sure?" 

Paul smiled, pushing Daryl's sweaty bangs back from his face again, "Yes, babe, I want you inside me. Just like this." 

Daryl felt his neck go hot, Paul wanting him was something he wasn't completely use to. He thought he could grow to be though. Daryl shifted his weight to one elbow so he could grip Paul's hip, thumb smoothing over the bone as his hips pressed forward. 

Paul's mouth opened in a gasp as Daryl entered him, the heat making him ache with the stretch. Daryl paused at the sound but Paul grabbed the back of his shirt pulling him closer inch by inch. Daryl groaned at the tightness as his pelvis came flush with Paul's ass. The smaller man shuddered, eyes closed tight as he took deep breaths. 

Paul liked to think he was very versatile in bed. He wasn't submissive to say the least, no matter which position he was in he stayed in control. It had been a while though since he bottomed, Alex had preferred to and Paul wasn't one to deny what his partner wanted. With Daryl he had wanted to open himself to the archer from the start. It just felt right and like with all things having to do with the Dixon he had learned to just follow his instincts. It usually worked out alright for him. 

Daryl's fingers ran over his face, moving the hair that had fallen down off his sticky skin. Before Daryl could voice any concerns Paul opened his eyes to smile up at him, "I'm fine, babe. You can move, please move." 

Daryl's throat clicked as he swallowed, nodding as he rolled his hips barely pulling out. He kept his movements short at first, gentle grinds until Paul's face relaxed and moans started falling from his lips again. When Paul cried out, his hands grabbing the front of his shirt as his back arched. Daryl kept this hips at the same angle as he pulled back until just the head was inside. His next thrust slamming into Paul's prostate. 

People outside the trailer had to hear the sounds Paul was making as Daryl pounded inside him. Daryl could feel Paul's sweat slick hands gripping his neck. Daryl dropped his head, his forehead almost resting on Paul's shoulder as his other hand held tight to his hip. 

Nimble fingers combed through his hair, pushing it back. Lips pressed against Daryl's hairline at his left temple, catching on the raised skin there. Daryl paused at the touch, Paul laid more kisses to the scar. Like Daryl had with his cut on the couch. Daryl didn’t think that the damaged skin would affect Paul's looks, his beauty was more than just the surface. 

Paul had a good heart, he had to if he wanted to be with someone like Daryl. Daryl knew there was nothing he could do that would deter the man, he had seen Daryl beat a man to death after all. So why was he being so chicken shit over something as simple as scars? 

"Damn it." Daryl pushed himself back to his knees, Paul blinked lust blown eyes in confusion. 

Before he could overthink it, he popped the buttons on his shirt open and yanked it off. Paul's eyes went wide, mouth falling open in a silent gasp. Daryl's hands gripped Paul's knees as he forced himself to stay still. He stopped from flinching when Paul's calloused fingertips met his skin. Daryl had decades old scars crisscrossing his chest and stomach. One low on his side that was only a couple years old, the same as the one Paul's lips had just touched. 

His newest addition was still raw looking. Under his right collarbone was a large area of ruined tissue. The exit wound from Dwight's bullet, the entry on his back was small and circular. Daryl had only stopped covering it with gauze a few weeks earlier. Paul's fingers found every single one. His eyes moving over them like he was trying to etch them into his memory. 

"Come here." Paul sat up making Daryl tilt back into his hunches. 

Paul settled on his laps kissing the breath from his lungs. Hair tie having lost the battle at some point because his long hair fell around their face. Tickled their skin as it swayed with their movements. He just kissed and kissed Daryl for what felt like hours, their beards scrapping together deliciously. 

Finally, Paul rolled his hips making Daryl moan in surprise. Hands ran over his back, fingertips dancing over raised lines as Paul braced his feet on the bed. Paul leaned his forehead against Daryl's as he bounced in his lap with a shout of pleasure. Their eyes stayed locked as one of Daryl's hands grabbed his hip helping him move. The other squeezed between their stomachs to wrap around Paul's so far untouched erection. 

"Babe, I'm so close, I'm gonna cum." Paul gasped his movements turning jerky, trying to slam down on Daryl's cock and grind into his palm. 

"Me too, Paul." Daryl could already feel his orgasm building quickly. 

"Oh god, Daryl. I'm-" Paul shuddered in his hands, Daryl's thrust up inside him as he tightened with his climax, "I lo-" 

Daryl's captured his mouth, Paul moaning as he spilled over Daryl's fist and onto his abdomen. Nail's biting into Daryl's back making him shiver. The tight grip around him with the sight and sound of Paul's orgasm had Daryl's going over the edge. He tried to pull Paul up and off but the smaller man found the strength to slam his hips down. 

His eyes were almost completely black from arousal, voice wrecked as he husked, "Come inside me." 

Daryl could only groan and follow the command, coming deep inside. Paul trembled in his lap, moaning softly at the feeling. Paul slumped against his shoulder, their skin sticking with rapidly cooling sweat. The position they were in, with the loss of sex fueled adrenaline, was starting to kill Daryl's knees. 

Paul sighed leaning back, "Shower with me?" 

Daryl nodded and Paul lifted from his lap. Daryl slipped from inside him, both of them shivering at the feeling before Paul hopped to the floor. Daryl was quick enough to grab him around the waist when his knees tried to buckle. Paul laughed as he got his legs back under him and headed for the bathroom. Daryl's knees popped again as he stood up. He let his pants and underwear drop to the floor before following the scout. 

Daryl walked in the small shower cubical to find Paul leaned over adjusting the water, not wanting to use all the hot but not leaving it ice cold. Daryl's eyes found his ass, a thin watery line running down his thigh. If Daryl was a younger man he would have been hard again but all his cock gave was an interested twitch. The shower started beating down on their heads and the space was so small they had no choice but to stand close. 

Daryl insisted Paul clean up first, both of their face heating up as Paul took care of the mess inside him. After he had rinsed the sweat from his body he turned them so Daryl was more under the spray. Paul's eyes running over his body, see its full glory for the first time. Daryl risked turning to face the shower head so he could clean Paul's release from his stomach and hands. 

He heard Paul breath hitch but ignored it with force of will. Paul's hands were on his back, Daryl felt like he could maybe get use to the feeling. Daryl leaned down to turn the water off, when he straightened back up he paused as arms locked around his stomach. Paul's beard scratched at his skin as Paul pressed a few kisses to the scarred skin within reach. 

Daryl leaned back into the hold, Paul easily taking his weight. Daryl was glad Paul didn't ask about the oldest ones, he might one day and Daryl might tell him about them. After a few minutes Paul squeezed him tight before stepping back and out. Daryl followed him, they dressed in silence. The day was far from over and dinner was more than a few hours off. 

Daryl slotted his bolts back into the holder before tossing it over his shoulder. He still had a few hours of daylight left, he should go out on a hunt, so he grabbed his pack making sure he had a full water bottle. Paul had the slightest limp to his stride but the smile on his face showed he wasn't bothered by it. Before they walked out Paul tugged Daryl back kissing him hard on the mouth, Daryl buried his hand in his damp hair returning it with equal heat. No words or freak outs about the step they just took together in whatever kind of relationship they had. 

"So," Paul licked his still swollen lips as he opened the door and they headed out, "I'll let Maggie know, scrap run is on for tomorrow?" 

Daryl nodded heading for the gate, tossing over his shoulder, "Sure, whatever ya wanna do I'm in, Speedy." 

A few people threw confused look at them as Paul laughed, flipping Daryl off as he started for the House. 

\------------------------------- 

 

"You forgot the spare gas, that's why." Paul was standing on the hood of a car they had found on the side of the road. It had only been a mile walk from where their truck ran out of fuel with the bed loaded down with metal. 

The one good thing about the Scavengers running off was they could pick apart their place. It had been slam full of iron, copper and every other metal imaginable. They had been on the way to drop it at Alexandria when the truck ran out of gas. With only an empty jug behind the seats and syphoning tubes. 

"Did not, yer the one that took the full one outta the bed." Daryl grumbled prying open the gas door. If the gauge on the dash was still right the thing had half a tank. Most likely the battery died leaving it abandoned. 

"And I put it next to your door and you forgot to put it in the cab." Paul smirked down at him as Daryl fed the tube into the tank. Paul turned back to the binoculars in hand, it was wise to keep a close watch. 

A couple sucks later Daryl spat as a gas hit his lip, shoving the tub into the jug to fill. Daryl spat again, the taste of gas making him rub his lips. No one liked doing that, gas almost always got in or on your mouth. Daryl glared up at him making Paul laugh, "Yer the one who has ta kiss me later." 

"Don't threaten me with a good time, dear." Paul laughed as Daryl shot with the bird. 

After a couple minutes the jug was full. Paul being so kind opted to carry it. The mile back was mostly silent, both of them keeping their eyes open for any Saviors. The gas would be enough to get to Alexandria where they could fuel up properly. 

Back behind the wheel Daryl sighed, "Don't know why we don't use them horses, like the Kingdom does." 

Not for big hauls of course, but smaller trips. Horses could get in tighter spaces too and were quieter than cars. The should save fuel for more important things, there was only so much left in the world. The four horses back at Hilltop didn't do much besides eat, it was time they pulled their weight. 

"I don't know how to ride a horse." Paul shrugged, knowing it wasn't a great reason. He honestly didn't know anyone who did ride regularly. 

"Can teach ya." Daryl offered as they reason Alexandria, "Ain't hard, you'll get used to it in no time." 

Paul turned to face him as Daryl turned off the truck, "I'd like that. Can't only be good at riding Dixon" 

Daryl matched the big smirk on Paul's face with an unimpressed stare. After a moment of letting Paul think about what he just said Daryl leaned over kissing him, making sure to slip his tongue into his mouth. He pulled back quickly as Paul sputtered at the residual taste of gas. Daryl had his own smirk as Paul cussed at him as he hopped out of the cab. 

\-------------------------- 

Paul's fingers sent a shiver up Daryl's spine. Daryl had never been comfortable naked in front of anyone like he was with the younger man. Their skin was still sticky from where they had just been tangled in the sheets but neither made a move to leave the bed. Daryl had sat up, digging a smoke from his pants pocket. Paul's touch had startled him as he took his first hit. 

Daryl was perched on the edge of the bed to reach the ashtray Paul had begrudgingly let him put there. Paul ran his fingertips over the raised edges, following the trails of the oldest scars. He leaned in close to Daryl's back, the warmth of his body reaching Daryl's skin. 

Paul pressed his lips to a deep one at his shoulder blade, not even the black ink of his demons could cover it. Daryl surprised himself by leaning into the touch when he had spent years flinching away. Paul paused for just a second before laying another kiss to the flesh. 

"A lot of these are really old," Paul whispered as he moved his fingers to the newer ones, the small still red one on his right shoulder that Paul had watched heal, "How'd you get them?" 

Daryl waited to panic at the question but it never came. Paul had never reacted badly to anything from Daryl, he always took everything in stride without judgement. Daryl knew he could do or say anything to the scout without Paul pitying him. 

"My dad." Was all Daryl supplied, Paul kissed the base of his neck right at the top of his spine. 

"He hit you?" Daryl nodded at the question, Paul's beard scratched pleasantly at his skin as he returned the gesture, "I'm sorry you had to go through that." 

Daryl shrugged, "Was a long time ago." 

Daryl didn't like the marks on his body but most days he didn't pay them any mind. The bastard had beat him and Merle constantly, Daryl had never tried to figure out why, there was no reason to waste energy on it. Daryl just had to live with the aftermath, he hated the pitied looks so many people gave him at the sight of the scars. Like the fact that he had been abused before changed his worth or how strong he was as a person. So, he hid them away but showing them to Paul felt right, felt comfortable. 

Paul leaned back tracing the scars again as Daryl finished his smoke, crushing it in the ashtray, "Daryl, I lo-" 

Daryl whipped around but Paul cut himself off, smirking at Daryl's reaction. Daryl felt his ears burn as Paul tugged him to turn the rest of the way around so they sat cross legged in front of each other. Paul laced their fingers together, "So, why won't you ever let me say it?" 

Daryl squirmed with a shrug, "Say what?" 

"The 'L' word?" Paul rolled his eyes at the cliché. 

Daryl chewed is lip for a moment. He knew Paul wouldn't think his reasoning was dumb, that he didn't like that word even if he felt it. Daryl sighed, "It's bad luck." 

"Like a jinx?" Paul cocked his head in question. Daryl nodded, "How?" 

"Sayin' that might as well be sayin' goodbye." Daryl huffed and Paul's eyes lit up in understanding. 

"Oh," Paul pulled one hand free reaching up to cup Daryl's cheek, "Well, then we'll not be saying that then." 

"Really?" Daryl was surprised. Paul had tried to say it so much, yet he was able to give it up that easily. It was never a fight with Paul, the younger man knew that somethings were different with Daryl. He accepted it all and bent it to fit him as well. 

"Yeah, no 'L' word," Paul smiled scooting forward to crowd into Daryl's lap. Daryl pulled him to straddle him, feeling the slick skin rest on his thighs, "I do though, you know that right?" 

"Yeah, I know." Daryl carded his fingers through Paul's ruffled hair. How someone could still look so sexed out and sweet at the same time way beyond Daryl. 

"And I know you do too." Paul smiled as Daryl didn't hesitate to hold him even closer. They weren't saying the word so this was safe or at least Daryl thought so, hoped so. 

Daryl leaned in burying his face in Paul's neck, Paul squeezing him back just as tight, "So much." 

\--------------------------- 

The day Eric died there were five outposts left. By the end of that horrible morning only four remained. 

Rick had enlisted a few of Hilltops best to join Alexandria in their raid. Maggie insisted on coming, she had been fighting since the farm and she was done being on the sidelines. Daryl, Paul and Enid were the only other ones needed. Daryl had taken up his place at Rick's side, Paul staying with Maggie. Eric and Aaron following similar suit. 

It happened so fast, they had already started throwing explosives as cover. They moved to go in when suddenly Eric fell, Aaron crying out going down with him. Paul stumbled to a halt as Aaron wailed, pulling Eric's body to his chest. Even with all the smoke filling the air Paul could see the hole in the slender man's head. It was like everything stopped for a moment. 

Daryl's hands found his face, wiping it with a rag. He hadn’t known blood had splattered onto him, Eric's blood. Maggie turned away, her shoulders not steady as she took deep breathes with Enid blinking back tears. Rick came to Aaron's side, gripping his shoulder as he sobbed into Eric's bloodied hair. 

"I need you to take cover, alright? Get back, stay with him." Rick urged him. Michonne reaching down to help him move his husband. 

Aaron lifted his face, setting Eric down, eyes hard and dark as he grabbed the rifle Eric dropped, "No, lead the way, Rick. Let's do this." 

Aaron was the first one to breach the post, not seeming to care about his own wellbeing as he charged forward. He was like a man possessed until the last Savior fell. Without a word he went back to where he left Eric and took him home. He buried Eric in their backyard, not the cemetery. He sat on his back porch afterward, Daryl was the first to approach him. 

"Ya gonna be alright?" Daryl spoke softly. 

Aaron glared at the ground, "Not until every last one of these motherfuckers are dead." 

Daryl could understand that, he would have felt the same if he had been in Aaron's place. Daryl nodded, "We'll get 'em. All of 'em." 

Aaron swallowed thickly after they sat for a while, the sun already trying to set, "I don't want to go inside. He's-...he's not in there. He's not waiting for me to come home anymore." 

"Then we ain't gotta go in, yet." Daryl wrapped his arm around Aaron's shoulders. 

Aaron buried his face in his hands as he sobbed. Daryl squeezed him tighter letting him cry. Daryl had cried so much after Merle and Beth, he knew sometimes you just had to let it out. Daryl stayed for two nights in Alexandria, he waited until he was sure Aaron would be alright or at least some semblance of it. 

Paul had left the day of the raid, going back with Maggie and Enid at Daryl's prompting. When Daryl got back he was nearly desperate the see the ninja. He didn't find him in the trailer or House, Earl had caught him as he came out letting him where to find Paul. 

Daryl was quiet as he walked up. Maggie was sitting next to Glenn's grave, the pocket watch in one hand pressed to chest while her other rubbed over her belly. Paul was laying fresh blue flowers on the mounds, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Maggie's head making her smile. Paul glanced over as Daryl came up, he didn't smile but the look was gentle and welcoming. 

Daryl came to his side as Paul put the last of the flowers on Sasha's grave. Daryl ran his hand down Paul's back, feeling the warmth of his body even through the light hoodie he was wearing. Daryl whispered, "Ya alright?" 

"Yeah, just thinking." Paul answered leaning into Daryl's touch. 

"What 'bout?" Daryl had a pretty good idea what it might pertain to but he just wanted to hear Paul's voice. After all that time basking in Aaron's loss he needed Paul's voice to bring him back from the sorrow. 

"That people are never lucky enough to die together," Paul tried to keep his voice down, knowing his words would hurt Maggie. She seemed lost in thought or memories where she sat though, "Sasha lost Abraham and it ruined her, she did everything she did so she could be with him again. Now, Aaron is going to suffer the same as Maggie. It's awful and I hate it." 

Daryl wanted to know what to say but he didn't. He just rubbed Paul's back again because he understood the feeling. The day back at the Sanctuary, that felt so long ago when he had been with the herd and saw explosions in the wrong place he had felt terrible. The thought of something happening to Paul had been bad then, now it nearly made him ill. 

He knew he would do everything in his power to protect Paul, to keep him alive. He had lost so much, so many people that held so much of his heart. He wouldn't do it again, he was already living with so much loss. Beth had been the last of what he could take, if Paul died there would be nothing left of him. 

Daryl finally settled on, "Me too. " 

Paul turned so Daryl could wrap his arms around his waist, his hands coming up to rest on Daryl's chest, touch more comforting than ever, "I don't want that for us though, dying together or losing each other." 

"Oh?" Daryl titled his head, a gesture for him to continue. 

"I want more than that," Paul whispered lifting onto his toes to press his forehead to Daryl's, "I want a life with you first. I want to grow old with you, Daryl." 

Daryl felt like he couldn't breathe. This was nice now and Daryl didn't much look past the present but Paul wanted a future. They didn't even know for sure if there would even be one. If there was Paul had plans for Daryl to be a part of his. That didn't sound too bad to him, getting not just a few months with Paul but many years. Even a decade if possible. 

Daryl was always so busy thinking about keeping Paul alive with all his power he didn't even put thought into the possibility of later on. Daryl already felt like an old man some days but the thought of watching Paul age was appealing. He was fifteen years older than Paul, he would see Paul through his thirties and beyond. He would enjoy that very much, if they both saw the other side of the war. 

Daryl nodded making Paul's head bob with him, "Yeah, let's do that." 

Paul smiled huge throwing his arms around Daryl's neck, who lifted him in a tight embrace before setting back on his feet. Paul kissed him deep before pulling back a bit. He seemed content to just stand in Daryl's arms for a little while longer and Daryl wasn't pushing him away any time soon. 

They had tried to be as quiet as possible but Maggie had heard every word. She smiled over at them, wishing them all the luck left in the world because that's what Glenn would be doing too. 

\--------------------------------- 

Paul took to horseback riding like a fish to water. Daryl stood at the pens fence watching him effortless lead the mare. She had taken to Paul better than she ever did with anyone else. While the Stallion seemed to prefer Daryl. They had started calling them Bonnie and Clyde since no one had taken the time to name the animals before. 

Paul smiled wide as he got the girl up to a steady gallop in the pen, she minded his every move. It was good that she did. He and Paul would be starting to take the horses out on their next run, gas was finite after all. Daryl left Paul to finish his lesson on his own, heading to the House. 

"Whatcha doing?" Mandy, Eduardo's girlfriend, asked making Daryl jump. He nearly slammed the doors to the cabinet he was leaning in. 

"Nothin." Daryl shoved his hands in his pockets. 

Mandy's arms were loaded down with veggies for dinners but the cabbages didn't diminish her unconvinced expression, "Nothing?" 

"Yup, nothing. Not a thing." Daryl started inching toward the door. 

"You're weird." Mandy shook her head turning back to the kitchen she was heading for when she walked up on the redneck. 

"I know." Daryl groaned to himself as he hurried out of the House, letting the door slam behind him. A few strides had him entering Earl's hut, the guy grinning at him as he asked a favor. Not Mandy or anyone else noticed a lack of one silver glint in the cabinet that night. 

Right before dawn they got the radio call, Alexandria had been attacked. The walls were down, Maggie urged them to get to Hilltop as soon as possible. The group that reached them shortly after was slightly smaller than it was when Daryl last saw them. Rick looked haunted as he entered the gate. Michonne behind him with a wailing Judith in her arms and a furious Carl at her side. 

Daryl felt his stomach drop as Rick spoke through gritted teeth, "Negan." 

\-------------------------------- 

Most of the Alexandria refugees fit in Barrington House, a few had piled into the few empty trailers on the grounds. Tobin and a handful of others went back the next day, setting to work rebuilding the walls. Luckily, they still had the materials from another planned expansion to fill the gaps that Negan's trucks had rammed down. Even after what had happened Tobin had high hopes they would be back home in a little over a week. The builder had taken the time before he left to reinforce the Hilltop's gate just in case. 

Daryl and Paul were heading to the burnt-out shell that was Simon's outpost with Rick and Michonne. In all that time that Negan had been captured within the Sanctuary Dwight had never radioed any of them, not once. Daryl partially had hoped the rat was dead but the second morning after the attack on Alexandria his voice came through the air waves. Just saying where to meet. 

The Hilltop had four horses total, hopefully the two mares would go into heat soon and they would have some colts before winter. Rick and Michonne were both good on horseback and took the other two unnamed horses. 

"Do you guys think this is a trap?" Paul had Bonnie's reigns in one hand, trying to stay relaxed on her back. He didn't want her to feel his unease and anger at the situation. 

"Anything is possible at this point." Rick sighed as they got the rubble of the outpost. 

Dwight's truck was parked out front, the man perched on the hood. He looked up when he could hear the sound of the horse's hooves on the asphalt. He was much thinner than when they last saw him, more haggard and tired. He didn't move to get up when they climbed down from their horses. 

"Dwight, it's been a while." Rick glared at the double agent. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. Kinda hard to report in when everyone was crammed inside like sardines, haven't had any privacy in a month." Dwight sighed. 

Daryl knew that even before every sound carried within the cement walls. He had overheard a lot of conversations without trying to when he had been in that cell. 

"Okay," Rick nodded, accepting the excuse, "Why did you call us out here? How did y'all get out?" 

"It took some doing, that's for sure," Dwight went on to explain how the outpost factions had spent weeks luring the undead away small cluster at a time. Until there were few enough outside for them to take out with the least risk, "Negan's even more batshit now, he's gunning for Rick's head really hard now." 

"That why he risked attacking us in the middle of the night?" Michonne asked. It was risky for both sides, to see what might being going on with the enemy side or if any walkers might be sneaking up. 

"Yeah and he's just going to keep coming," Dwight rubbed at his gaunt face, "Y'all almost outnumber us now and Negan doesn't like that. He figures if Rick dies when so will this rebellion." 

"We'll never stop and until all of y'all are dead." Daryl assured him. 

"I know," Dwight didn't seem to have the energy to argue, "Just becareful until y'all can kill Negan. He got us putting roamer blood on our knives, even wanted me to do my arrow. I didn't but what he don't know what hurt him. But if you see a Savior just keep your distance." 

It was interesting and affective tactic. So much as one nick and you would be infected. It was a useful warning. 

"Anything else?" Paul prompted and Dwight shook his head, "You called us all the way out here for just that?" 

"Nah, that's it. Y'all can go, I'm gonna just sit here awhile longer and enjoy the fresh air," Dwight smirked over at them even though it was thin, "And maybe I missed seeing Puppys face." 

Daryl didn't even give him the satisfaction of a response. He just turned to get back on Clyde, the others following suit. Dwight chuckled as they left, the bastard looked like a good hit would kill him so Daryl refrained from violence. That didn't stop Daryl from flipping him off as they headed back to the Hilltop. 

\---------------------------- 

Tobin had gotten the walls back up in four days but needed a few more to finish fortifying. He wanted to make sure the barriers wouldn't go down so easily if there was a next time. Everything seemed to come to a halt after their meeting with Dwight. It appeared that the remaining Saviors had moved to the Sanctuary, abandoning their outposts and laying low within the walls. 

The days were tense, people on edge over the smallest of things. Rosita had snapped at least a dozen times at as many people. Tara tried to keep her calm but it wasn't an easy mission. Earl had let Eugene set up in his hut with him so he could continue making bullets. He taught Earl how to so he could have some help, the man more than happy to learn. 

People tended to crowd up on the lawn outside Barrington House for lack of anything better to do. Daryl was at the picnic table outside the trailer with Rick, Michonne and Aaron. Maggie was in her chair on the porch, Paul sitting on the step near her feet. Daryl watched Maggie laugh at something he said now and again. Carl and Enid came out of the house with Judith to settle in the grass at the bottom of the steps. 

"Can y'all promise me somethin'?" Daryl had already had Carol make him this promise, now he needed them to. 

"What, Daryl?" Aaron asked as Rick and Michonne gave him questioning looks. 

"Make sure he lives," Daryl didn't look over at them, he kept his eyes on Paul. The younger man taking Judith into his lap when she crawled up the steps to him, "If I can't or I'm not around anymore." 

Aaron took a hard inhale of breath, he knew the words had to hurt his friend but he needed this. Rick and Michonne shared a look before Rick spoke up, "What do you mean?" 

"Look, I ain't got a death wish or nothin'," Daryl huffed, "But he needs to live, Maggie is gonna need him. So, if ya gotta make a hard choice just make sure it's the one that keeps him breathing." 

They all looked between each other before slowly nodding. Michonne reached over to squeeze Daryl's hand, "Let's hope it doesn’t come to that." 

Daryl hoped so too but he had to be realistic. Until Negan was dead any future was uncertain. Even one that Daryl really wanted to see. Aaron slapped him on the back with a sad smile, he still missed Eric with every fiber of his being and wouldn't wish that ache on his worst enemy. Rick gestured for Daryl to look, Paul was walking over with Judith on his hip. 

"Darie!" She squealed reaching for him as they got closer. Paul grinned, his big eyes shining as he held her out to Daryl's open arms. 

She held his neck tight as he held her close. Maggie walked up to lean on Paul's side watching Daryl let the girl do him as she liked. Moments like this made it easy to forget about the war and Negan for just a while. Daryl's family was all around him, not all of it but the ones there meant so much. Daryl didn't even mind when Judith started babbling his ear off. 

Later that night after everyone had started settling in Paul waved at Tara as she left from visiting them. He had just closed the door when Daryl's was on him. Paul grinned leaning into the nipping kisses being laid on his neck. Daryl's rough hands made quick work of Paul's clothes. The smaller man turning in his grip to get his off too. 

Daryl didn't hesitate to help him toss his shirt away. Their boots and pants getting kicked to the side as they stumbled to the bed. Paul laughing as Daryl fell back on the sheets making him sprawl over the redneck's lap. Daryl tucked his hair back from his face, his fingertip running down the scar on his cheek before his nails scrubbed down his beard. Paul shivered at the touch before diving down to kiss Daryl until he gasped for breath. 

Daryl flipped them easily, Paul opening his legs wide for him to settle between. Daryl got the lube out with increasingly practiced ease. It only took a few minutes to get Paul slicked up, they didn't have sex everyday but it was often enough for Paul to not get too tight. 

"Oh, babe, yes." Paul moaned as Daryl pushed inside him, head tossed back on the pillow. The long length of his throat on full display. 

Daryl's teeth scraped over the tender skin over his pulse making Paul cuss. He grabbed the back of Daryl's head to keep him there as he back arched with every roll of their hips. Paul's fingers dug into his back as his thighs squeezed Daryl's waist. It wasn't long before Paul's moans turned higher pitched, almost a whine. 

Paul's nails bit into his skin as he came, untouched cock making a mess between them. Making Paul come without giving him a hand was something Daryl enjoyed maybe too much. Paul's orgasms were always longer and more intense. His eyes going glassy as he urged Daryl to keep moving inside him even with his own sensitivity. 

It didn't take Daryl long to find completion after him. Paul holding his hips close so he had no choice but to come inside. Paul's fingers combed through his hair as Daryl came down, sweet smile on his lips. Daryl kissed him slow and gentle for a while before he had to pull back. 

Paul crooked a finger beckoning him to follow him into the shower. Hands warm in tepid water as they rinsed off. Daryl could see the dark red marks he had left on Paul's throat; some hickeys and others beard burn. Paul didn't mind even when he looked at them in the mirror with a bemused huff. 

He turned wrapping his still damp arms around Daryl's neck, "I kind of like your marks on me." 

"Oh really?" Daryl lifted him easily, knees giving only the smallest protest, Paul holding tight as Daryl carried him back into the room. Neither bothering to dress as they tumbled onto the bed. 

A few seconds of wrestling later they were settled under the covers. Paul turned on his side to look at Daryl, "Yeah, because it shows I'm yours. I like being yours, Daryl." 

Daryl looked into his honest blue eyes before tugging him over to his side. Stuff like that was why Daryl had to keep Paul safe, he was tough and could kill with ease but his softness was rare. Paul had a big heart, big enough to put up with Daryl's dumb ass. So, it was definitely enough to help the fucked up world they lived in. Rick was all hard edges there needed to be someone to balance that and Paul would be the best at it. 

Daryl gave him a quick peck on the lips before burying his face in Paul's hair, Paul's face nuzzling into his neck as he whispered, "Like being yers too." 

\------------------------------ 

The noise was distant but it had Daryl jolting awake. Paul had sat up too, hair all over the place as they stared at each other. It was the sound of car horns and they were getting closer. They jumped out of the bed at the same time, grabbing clothes up off the floor. Paul twisted his hair up in a bun as Daryl pulled his boots on. Daryl shouldered his bow before handing the smaller man his knives. Paul was still yanking on his coat, gun in hand, as they ran out of the trailer. 

Kal and Eduardo were at the guard post as everyone piled outside into the dark. Every hand had a gun in it. Rick, Michonne, Maggie and Carl came charging down from Barrington house. Enid stayed with Judith in the office. The grounds were quickly filled with colonists and the Safe-Zone refugees. The sound was only getting louder. 

"What is it?" Maggie yelled as Tara and Rosita reached her side. 

"Can’t see yet, but it isn’t good." Eduardo answered. 

"Everyone get ready." Rick ordered. Radios were snapped in place on belts and coats, if they had to run people needed to stay in contact. The scrape of metal as guns cocked and mags where shoved in place. 

"Maggie, if things go south like back home," Michonne started. 

"I'll grab Enid and Judith and get back to Alexandria." She nodded. Tobin wasn't ready for them to come back but if they had to he would get over it. 

Everyone knew about the escape tunnel Sasha had dug so long ago and that if worse came to worst that was the way out. There were a few ladders leaned back behind the House for people to use to get over the fences as needed. Vehicles were parked about a mile out in the trees for them to load up into. 

It was many more long minutes before it came into view. A convoy of about ten trucks, all laying on their horns as the sped up the road to Hilltop. The noise was already drawing aggravated walkers from the woods. The trucks lined up in front of the gate and finally let up on the horns, headlight beams giving off an eerie light. The sound echoed heavily for a moment before settling into silence. 

A door opened from the other side, the sound of Simon's voice loud in the night air, "Well, good morning." 

Negan's voice boomed with glee, "My buddy Rick is in there, I need to have a word with him." 

Kal and Eduardo shared a look, "Rick? Who's that?" 

Daryl flinched as a gun shot went off and Kal crumpled onto the platform, a hole gushing from his forehead. Eduardo ducked down quickly, gasps rippling throughout the yard. Kal was dead before he even fell, he had been a good kid. 

"That ring any bells for y'all?" Negan laughed. Eduardo stayed low as he crept down the ladder, Mandy at the bottom fussing over him but he batted her hands away running them over to Rick. 

Rick's jaw was set in rage, eyes locked on Kal's body. All Negan ever did was kill senselessly and for shock value. Enough people had died while the man who deserved to die was laughing about it. 

"There's at least fifty guys out there," Eduardo reported, "And roamers were following them, not to mention the ones coming out because of the noise." 

"Only fifty?" Daryl scoffed, they could handle that, there was over one hundred people inside the walls. 

"No?" Negan asked, "Guess I'll have to come in for him." 

"Their trucks won't be able to take the gate down," Maggie assured, "Not after Tobin reinforced it." 

The truck door slammed again and a moment later a grenade thunked onto the ground in front of the gate having been tossed over the wall. Rick pushed Maggie behind him, "Everyone get back!" 

There was only a split second to react. Daryl was thrown back from the blast, Paul landing not far from his side. The air was full of dirt, the gate was still in place, barely moved. Everything was loud and fuzzy at the same time. Daryl had nearly got his feet under him when more grenades crested the wall. Daryl had just gotten a hold on Paul's hand, who was coughing on his knees, when he was blown onto his stomach. 

The explosions and screams filled the air. Daryl 's mouth was full of dirty and blood as the world righted itself again. His ears rang as he pushed himself up. The gate was hanging on its hinges, even with smoke starting to clog up the air the shapes of people pouring in could be seen. His bow had been knocked off his back during one of the explosions so Daryl raised the rifle in his hands. 

Carl had pulled Maggie to her feet urging her back as Rick and Michonne laid down cover fire. Carson came to her side as she took up firing her own pistol. The doctor refusing to leave her even as she prompted him to get back. 

Anything that moved Daryl aimed for, bullets from the other side starting to fly by. Daryl tripped on a body on the ground nearly falling again when a hand steadied him. Daryl looked up to see Paul pull his hand back and fire at Negan's crew that were still moving in. Paul then dragged Daryl to follow him under cover, ducking behind Earl's hut. 

They knew they had to keep their distance. Dwight's warning of the tainted knives was worth heeding. Walkers were going to start piling in soon, Negan had delivered them right to their front door, obviously revenge for the herd that kept him locked away all those weeks. 

"You're bleeding!" Paul shouted over the screams and guns. Daryl looked down at where Paul was now yanking at his shirt. He hadn't even felt the pain, not until he saw it. 

A deep gash sliced into his right side, blood was pouring in a steady stream. Already soaking his shirt and the leg of his pants. Now the pain was burning up his ribs, his heart pounding pushing more blood out. Paul gasped at the sight, hands franticly pressing to the wound though it did little. 

Daryl could see a small cut on Paul's temple that was dripping down his cheek. Now Daryl could feel blood on his own face, there must have been a cut on his head somewhere. When the gate blew wood had splintered everywhere, a larger piece must back hit his side. Going through fast enough he didn't feel it but leaving the jagged hole behind. 

"Maggie start evac now!" Michonne's voice came over the walkies. 

"On it!" Maggie answered and from their spot Daryl could see Colonists and Alexandrians start running for the area behind the trailers. Maggie and Carson running into the House for a moment before covering Enid as she ran with Judith in her arms. The tunnel was at the back wall so people headed that way and others darted for the House, going to set up the ladders. They knew it only took a few minutes to get everyone out, just a few long minutes. 

Suddenly the gate doors gave way, slamming onto the ground. What little resistance they still gave instantly gone. They hadn't done much for the human's but held the walkers back. Now, the undead were starting to stumble in. There weren't too many of them but in the cloudy fray they were even more dangerous. 

"Everyone fall back!" Rick's voice came over the radio and his shout cut through the air. 

Daryl pushed Paul's hand away with a gruff, "I'm fine." 

Pain lanced through the whole right side of his body as they ran. Coming around the back of a trailer they nearly collided with Carl and Aaron. Rick and Michonne were laying down fire at the other end, providing cover for the last of the survivors that were evacuating. 

Daryl held his hand over the wound, his fingers slick with blood in no time. It was bad, everything about what was happening was bad. They moved to run to the next trailer over heading for the tunnel when Rick suddenly came to a halt. Through the haze Dwight came into view, crossbow leveled at Rick. 

"Do it!" Negan shouted with a laugh as he strolled happily through the carnage of his own men and theirs, "Dwight, take him out for me." 

Without hesitate Dwight pulled the trigger, the bow jerked down from the force or Dwight's own hand it wasn't clear. The arrow went into Rick's side, Daryl knew from experience the bolt stopping half way through the flesh like it did was excruciating. Rick yelled as he fell to his knees, Michonne catching him before he fully hit the ground. 

"NO!" Carl shouted lifting his gun but Dwight was already running back to Negan's side. His eyes meeting Daryl's for a spilt second, he almost looked sorry. Simon was at Negan's side and took up fire making them scramble to get Rick to cover. 

"Alright boys! Let's head home!" Negan laughed as they took off for the gates, killing walkers so they could get through. 

Michonne pulled Rick to his feet, who winced with every movement. Aaron threw one of his arms over his shoulder to help her take the weight of the injured man. Daryl and Paul used their last bullets killing the walkers that ambled ever closer as they moved to the side of the House where the vehicles were parked. Daryl's eyes landed on his bike, key still in the ignition where he always left it. 

"Rick? Daryl? Everyone is out, where are y'all?" Tara came over the radio sounding panicked. 

"We called for the Kingdom, they are on the way to Hilltop to take over clearing it," Rosita called next, "Let's go." 

"We're right behind you guys," Carl answered, "We'll meet you back home." 

Aaron yanked open the back door of one of the SUV's and got Rick inside. Michonne climbed in the back with him as Carl took the passenger seat. Any walker that got too close Daryl took down with his knife, shoving Aaron to get behind the wheel. Paul opened the back door behind Carl, he moved to get in but Daryl stopped him turning him around to face him. 

Daryl wasn't getting in that car, they couldn't leave Hilltop to the walkers. The livestock and horses were still in their pens, the walkers would have them devoured in no time. Daryl's vison was blurring, his boot was full of blood as he made the decision. Someone had to get the walkers away from Hilltop. 

Daryl cupped Paul's face in his hands, they had a slight tremor to them now and his head was getting lighter by the second. Paul's face was covered in smudges of dirt and soot, hair wild from the blasts they had been tossed about from. Even then he was so beautiful, Daryl's eyes trying to etch every detail into his memory. 

"Daryl?" Rick wheezed leaning over locking eyes with Daryl for a moment. Daryl gave him a determined look, eyes hard until Rick nodded. 

Paul had just opened his mouth when Daryl leaned in. Paul's lips were soft and warm as they had been the night before. Daryl inhaled in his scent, even with the earth and gunpowder on his skin Daryl could still smell Paul. His sweet but rich scent that was the strongest at the nape of his neck and crease of his thigh. Daryl leaned back opening his eyes to see he had streaked his blood through Paul's beard. 

"Daryl?" Paul whispered, eyes opening wide. 

Daryl pressed his forehead to Paul's, just for one more moment before he breathed, "I love you." 

Paul gasped as Daryl shoved him back. Paul fell into the backseat in a heap, barely righting himself before Daryl slammed the door. He leaned his bloody hands on the glass as Paul looked up at him. Daryl swayed, swallowing around the lump in his throat, "I love you, Paul." 

"Daryl?" Paul tried to grab the door handle but Rick's hand shot over even through his own pain to stop him. 

Daryl looked over at Aaron who was staring back at him from the driver's seat, "Go!" 

"Daryl?! Daryl!" Paul broke from Rick's grasp but Michonne grabbed him, Aaron hit the door locks as he cranked the car, "No, Daryl!" 

Daryl pushed himself back a step as Aaron hit the gas. Turning a wide circle around Daryl, taking out a few walkers that were closing in. Paul's hands slammed against the glass franticly as they moved past him for the opening that was once the gate. He was fighting as hard as he could to break Michonne's grip but Carl pitched over the front seat to help restrain him. 

Paul's voice carried to his ears even through the car door and over the groan of the walkers, **_"DARYL!"_**

Daryl watched the back of the car fade into the smoke that still clung to the air before turning to his bike. He cried out as he swung his leg over, taking a few deep breaths before turning the key. The roar drew every walkers head as he slowly started forward. He would get the walkers out and lead them as far away as possible then the Kingdom could start picking up the pieces when they got there. 

Daryl revved the engine before gunning it out of the walls. The noise of his bike would get them following him, but if that wasn't enough then the trail of blood he was leaving surely would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, ALL of that just happened. I hope to update soon. Leave a comment or thought or anything? 
> 
> Fun fact, I wrote this whole fic because of the last 2000 words here. That one part came to me and I built this entire thing around it. Welp........
> 
> I'm sorry!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it folks! Last chapter. I'll see y'all at the end.
> 
> Flashbacks will be separated by ~~~ marks and italics.
> 
> All mistakes are my own, like always.

Paul practically fell out of the car as it pulled into the gates of Alexandria. Michonne and Carl had finally released their hold and he threw his whole weight against the door. He whirled for a moment, like the world was off axis. There were people everywhere, Tobin on the gate looking concerned and less than happy and it was overwhelming how everyone turned to them. 

Michonne helped Rick get out, Carson and Rosita rushed to his aid as gasps rippled through the crowd. They needed to remove the arrow and get Rick sewn up. Maggie came up to Paul's side, her eyes searching in the SUV but only seeing Aaron and Carl get out. Maggie went to grab his hand but Paul stormed around the car and tried to get in the driver's seat. 

Aaron slammed the door and held it shut with his hand, "No, Jesus." 

"I'm going back." Paul reached for the handle but Aaron caught his hand. He ripped it from the other man's grip like he had been burned. He was feeling a little raw at the moment. 

"Jesus," Maggie came around with Tara, she whispered like even her own words scared her, "What happened?" 

Paul clenched his teeth, he felt like he couldn't get his footing back. Daryl had been hurt, very badly hurt but he pushed Paul away. He had said he loved Paul, actually said that out loud. Paul never thought that one word would ever make his stomach drop like it did. 

"He stayed at the Hilltop," Carl piped up when Paul couldn't get the words out, "We heard his bike before we got too far out." 

"He's trying to draw the walkers away, it's gotta be that." Tara spoke up after a tense moment of silence. 

"He'll circle back once the walkers are far enough out, we all know how Daryl thinks and that's the best play." Aaron added. 

"I have to go back." Paul repeated glaring at the ground. He rubbed his hands on his pants, the blood on them now dry and stiff. The cut on Daryl's side had been deep, Paul had been able to feel bare muscle under his fingers when he tried to stop the bleeding. 

"It's still dark, wait until dawn and I'll go with you. We'll all go." Maggie came up cupping his face in her hands and he didn't withdraw from her touch. 

"The Kingdom soldiers will be at Hilltop in no time, once they get there Daryl will be fine." Tara reassured. 

"Maggie, I need to go back." Paul knew he was just repeating himself but he felt lost. When was the last time Paul hadn't had Daryl with him? When he was captured by Negan and that was months ago now and before they were even a thing. 

"You will, once the sun is up. You can't go alone, Jesus." Maggie watched Paul go limp and nod like the fight had left him and the night was catching up to him. 

Paul brought his hand up though, dark red fingers making Maggie swallow as he grabbed her shoulder with a broken inhale, "But he's alone." 

\----------------------- 

Most of the colonist went back at first light, the ones with injuries stayed where it would be safer for them. The Kingdom had radioed that when they arrived the community had been almost completely clear of undead. They were already repairing the gate and the removing the dead. The first group had been led by Morgan. Carol and Ezekiel had been on a run but Jerry assured them they would be sent over the moment they arrived. 

Rick would be fine, Carson found no internal bleeding and stitched him up. The Alexandrians were able to stay at the Safe Zone again. Tobin had to admit it was more secure than the Hilltop now. Carson insisted on Rick getting at least one day's rest. The leader was unhappy but agreed. He would be heading to Hilltop the next day though, everyone needed to be together to figure out the next step. 

Paul's foot wouldn't stop bouncing as he sat in the backseat of the SUV. Aaron was driving them back with Maggie in the front. Tara was next to Paul, her eyes drifting over to him as he grew more restless the closer they got to Hilltop. He didn't lie to himself, it was something he never believed in doing. He hoped though. He hoped Daryl would be there when they pulled up. 

The Kingdom had brought their buses to help block the opening where the gate once stood. Now that the sun was up they moved them so people could flow in as they returned and guards on watch would make sure nothing else got in. 

As soon as Aaron slowed down pulling through the gap in the walls Paul was already getting out. His eyes moved franticly but couldn't see Daryl's bike. Morgan climbed down from the watch post as Paul started for their trailer, "No one was here when we got here. No one has come back besides y'all either." 

Paul paused at Morgan's words as the man continued, "We checked all the trailers and the house. The place was like a ghost town when we rolled up." 

"He's not here?" Tara already knew the answer judging by her pained expression. 

"He's not." Morgan shook his head. Maggie had radioed ahead for the man to be on the lookout for Daryl. 

Paul felt off balance again, like he didn't know where he stood anymore. Daryl hadn't come back and it had already been a few hours. Paul hated how betrayed he felt but that didn't stop the emotion. Daryl had stayed to protect the Hilltop instead of going with Paul. It was a selfless act but Paul still felt hurt because Daryl had promised, hadn't he? Daryl had promised him a life but all Paul had now was bloody hands and a knot in his gut. 

"I'm going to look for him." Paul walked to one of the trucks the colonists had just climbed out of. 

"Jesus, wait," Aaron grabbed his elbow to slow him. 

"Stop getting in my way!" Paul yelled yanking away from him. Aaron stepped back having never heard that tone in Paul's voice. People nearby jumped and looked in shock, Jesus didn't raise his voice. Paul was taken back by how he sounded, "Aaron, I'm sorry." 

"No, it's fine. I'm sorry, Jesus. It's just, let me go looking. Please." Aaron didn't try to touch him again but he moved to block the path to the truck. 

"I'll go too," Morgan spoke up, "You should stay." 

Paul opened his mouth like he was about to protest when Maggie spoke up, "Stay with me, I'll need your help here. They'll be back in no time." 

"That's not fair." Paul couldn't help but be touched by Maggie's manipulation. She knew he wouldn't leave her if she needed him. She even put her hand on her stomach as she gave her best attempt at puppy eyes until Paul gave a quick nod. 

Part of Paul knew he didn't need to be out there but the other part just wanted Daryl back. He wasn't sure if he would hug the man or knock some sense into him. Still, the smallest worst part of Paul wanted to be the one who would have to do it if the worst came to be. Paul stamped that part down as he watched Aaron and Morgan head out. 

Paul got to work helping clear debris with Tara. Maggie went about overseeing things, talking to people and helping to deal with the colonies losses. Earl and a few of the others were setting the hut back to order, it had taken some damage during the fight. They wanted to get the forge back up and running as soon as possible. 

One of the sheds had been blown apart by the barrage of grenades. Paul started lifting half of the burnt roof when a gleam of published black caught his eye. Paul heaved the wood over, it hit the ground hard enough to make Tara jump where she was gathering the thrown about panel boards. Paul saw his hand shake as he reached down. 

"Is that?" Tara whispered. 

"Daryl's crossbow." Paul ran his hand over the stock and barrel looking for damage. 

Now that Paul thought about it, Daryl's hadn't had it with him before he shoved Paul into the car. It seemed unharmed, the bolts still in the quiver like it was waiting for its owner to return. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_"Are we getting close?" Paul's voice was soft as he spoke. The crossbow was surprisingly heavy in his grip as he kept it up and eyes down the sight._

_"Almost done." Daryl's voice was behind him, it always got more gravel to it when he whispered._

_Daryl had pulled Paul out of bed with him that morning, even as the younger man groaned about it. Daryl had plopped the bow into Paul's hands and told him to find something. The scout was good at a lot of things but tracking game wasn't yet in his repertoire. Daryl was out to change that._

_After an hour of what felt like aimless wandering Paul had spotted a bush with some torn branches like something had passed through. The dirt was unsettled and turned up, Paul had pointed it out and Daryl gave an approving nod. For thirty minutes they had followed increasingly fresh tracks._

_"Yeah?" Paul heard Daryl give an affirmative grunt, "What are we tracking anyway?"_

_"The signs are all there, ya tell me." Paul looked over his shoulder to see Daryl smirking at him._

_Paul looked down, the marks on the ground were large and deep so it was something with weight. The tracks moved in uneven strides, going wide to the sides at times. Paul grinned as he heard a rustle up ahead past the tree line._

_Taking a firmer hold of the bow, he stepped into the clearing. He glanced back at Daryl who leaned against one of the trees, "It's a walker."_

_Leaning over a small doe was the walker, the stomach of the deer spilled onto the ground as it tore at it. Paul leveled the bow and loudly cleared his throat to catch its attention. Bits of meat still in the undead woman's teeth she sat up turning to the sound. Paul pulled the trigger and damn the thing had some kick but she fell forward with a bolt now in her forehead._

_"Did you see that?" Paul couldn't keep the excitement out of his tone as Daryl ambled over to pulled the arrow free with a low whistle._

_"Yeah, yer good," Paul came up taking the arrow as Daryl checked to see if the walker had anything useful on her. Finding nothing he watched as Paul reloaded the bow with a clean bolt, he might have taken two tries to pull the string back, "Pretty soon ya won't need me at all."_

_There was something about Daryl's tone that gave Paul pause, he had already been looking for something else to track. He lowered the bow moving over into Daryl's space, the man seemed to be making a point not to look at Paul. Holding Daryl's crossbow in one hand Paul reached out with his other one, tucking Daryl's bangs back from his face._

_Paul pressed his lips to the corner of Daryl's mouth, over that beauty mark he liked so much, "I'll always need you, Daryl Dixon."_

_Daryl's face went a little red at the words, Paul enjoyed watching his ears get flushed with blood. Daryl finally met his eyes seeming to search for a moment before nodding with a tiny smile, "Let's try to catch some dinner now, Speedy."_

_Paul suppressed a laugh and gave him a mock salute. He turned spotting more disruption in the grass. Daryl was beyond impressed when Paul downed a buck less than an hour later._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Paul swallowed, shaking his head to pushed the memory back as he swung the shoulder strap over his head. It felt snug to his chest but kept the bow on his back and out of the way. Tara looked like she might have something else to say but Paul just went back to cleaning up the remains of the shed. He was only holding onto the bow until Daryl got back, just for a little while. 

\------------------------------ 

It didn't take long for things to get put back together. Using the wreckage from the shed the gate was getting repaired quickly, one of the doors was already back up on a new stronger hinge. Most of the chickens were still wandering around with their coop having been damaged but they seemed content to not leave the interior of the community. Any bodies had been removed or were being buried, another cemetery just outside the wall was the Hilltops newest addition. 

Noon was a few hours passed and most of the colonist and Kingdom members had already got lunch from Mandy in Barrington House's kitchen. Paul had instead settled in Maggie's rocking chair, taking up small talk with anyone who walked by and spoke to him. After snapping at Aaron, Paul was being more careful about what he said. He knew that letting his emotions get out of hand wouldn't solve anything. 

A few people had seemed confused to see him outside the House. He would usually be at the table outside his trailer but he couldn't bring himself to go there yet. It felt wrong, the trailer had become more than a place to sleep for a while. Since Maggie and Enid moved to the house it had become his and Daryl's place. It was more of a home than Paul ever remembered having and the thought of going there alone was too much for him at the moment. 

So, Paul was keeping busy by running a rag over the crossbow, removing some dirt and soot that coated the weapon, when a shadow fell over him. Paul was honestly surprised to look up and find Alex standing in front of him with his hands shoved in his pockets. 

After a few long silent moments Paul raised an eyebrow, "Yes?" 

"You're covered in blood," Alex pulled one hand free to gesture at Paul vaguely, "Are you alright?" 

Paul had a feeling that Alex wasn't asking because he wanted to, Carson most likely made him ask. Paul looked down at the state of himself and finally saw what everyone else had been seeing all day. His hands still had a pink tint to them while the color under his nails was nearly black. His coat had stiff dark spatters down the sleeves. His shirt had been white but red stains were all over the front from where had wiped his hands throughout the day. 'Covered' might be a bit hyperbolic but Paul got the point. 

"It's not mine," Paul swallowed, the only thing worse than walker blood on your hands was that of those you cared for he realized, "I'm fine, thanks." 

Paul went back to cleaning the bow as Alex gave an awkward nod. He took a step toward the door to go inside but stopped with a frustrate sigh. He turned back to Paul, "Look, I know I've been an ass and it was really dumb. No one is going to say it though and someone has to." 

"Say what?" Paul blinked. 

"That I'm sorry," Alex soldiered on when Paul went to ask for what, "I'm sorry that you're hurting. None of us have ever seen you like this and we don't know what to do. So, I'm sorry that I don't know what to do to help." 

"Alex," Paul sighed, "I'm fine, really." 

"You're far from fine, Jesus," Alex held up his hand when Paul opened his mouth to interrupt, "Just go get cleaned up so Carson will believe me when I say I checked on you. Everyone is worried too, you know." 

"Why?" Paul didn't know why he asked. 

Daryl was important to Paul and Maggie so a lot of people would accept him on just that alone. Daryl was useful too. He could hunt and was strong enough to easily take down walkers or men. Just losing his tactical mind would bother some of the folks. 

Alex had already opened to door and was half inside when the question gave him pause. He looked back at Paul and with a small shrug he whispered, "I guess he has become our family too." 

\-------------------------------   
Paul waited another few hours before going to shower. He noticed how people's eyes would linger his soiled outfit as he moved from task to task. Even though his appearance made them uncomfortable they didn't avoid him. By the time Mandy was giving out dinner Paul finally caved and headed upstairs. 

The water pressure of the showers in Barrington was higher than Paul was used to. The water running down the drain was mix of brown and pink, he watched until it was clear. His body felt too heavy to move, the thought of washing his hair was exhausting. He reached up and ran aching fingers over his bearded cheek. A few more pink tendrils slipped over the porcelain at his feet. 

He knew he had been a mess, all of them had been. Paul scrubbed his nails that he had already scraped the dried blood from underneath over his beard too hard but didn’t stop until his face felt raw. He could still hear the sticking sound Daryl's hand had made when he pulled back. When he pushed Paul away. Paul shook his head grabbing the closest bottle to wash up. 

Bathing was supposed to be cleansing but Paul felt worse when he stepped out. The thick towel that the House had was rough as he dried off and grabbed his clean clothes. When he had left a change of clothes in Maggie's room he had thought it would be for those long nights when he fell asleep as they went over plans for the Colony. Not for this. 

He stood at the sink, rubbed his hand over the steam coated mirror. His skin was pink from the water, his fingers tugged knots from his hair as his eyes drifted down his own neck. The flesh was still bruised and raw from biting teeth and sucking lips. He slipped his hair over his shoulder, the water making it stick so he didn’t have to see anymore. The fresh marks made his chest ache but he still hoped they didn't fade anytime soon. 

His hair was still dripping when he finished pulling on the clean cargos and a hooded sweater which he tugged close to his throat. His dirty clothes were in the hamper that stayed in the bathroom. He had hooked his coat on the back of the door but didn’t grab it as he left the room after tugging his boots on. Maggie was walking by the stairs when he came down them, the crossbow returned to his back and knives strapped in place. 

"There you are," Maggie smiled at him as he reached the bottom, "I saved you some dinner. Did you take a shower? Here?" 

"Yeah," Paul took the wax paper wrapped sandwich from her even though he had no appetite, "Thank you." 

Maggie looked like she wanted to continue but the door swung open with Tara almost falling to her face. She righted herself jumping to see them in the entryway. She swallowed thickly, "The truck's coming up the road, they're back." 

Paul felt his heart started racing as he followed her back out the door, food dropped somewhere along the way. Maggie kept pace with him as they hurried down the path. The truck was already inside the gate, the doors open but cab clearly empty. Paul's legs felt weak as he circled around to the back where he could hear some clattering. 

He hit his knees when he saw it, his own momentum making him skid. Tara gasping as she and Maggie nearly tripped on the scout. Morgan and Aaron stood over the bike with somber faces, both of them startled when Paul reached them. The bike was resting on its kickstand and key still in the ignition. It was covered in mud and blackened gore but the bright stripe of blood down the side was the most eye-catching thing. 

Before anyone could ask anything, Morgan spoke, "It was in the middle of the road about fifteen miles out. Just the bike." 

"He-" Paul didn't even know how he wanted that sentence to go. 

Aaron shook his head, "He wasn't there, just more blood." 

"Did you," Maggie's voice broke, "Did you check?" 

"We looked, he wasn't out there. We must have taken down a hundred walkers but none of them were him." Morgan swallowed, they had spent hours in the woods and every head of brown hair with a broad back had made the pit in their stomachs bigger. 

Paul felt dizzy. Daryl had ditched his bike, Paul knew he probably lost control of the machine and had to leave it. That little worst part of him chimed in that it was possible he had succumbed to the blood loss and the guys just hadn't found him. He pressed that down again. Without a body there was no guarantee and Paul made himself latch onto that. 

He pushed himself back to his feet after taking a few deep breaths. Aaron and Morgan stepped back as Paul took hold of the handlebars and started walking the bike without a word. When he got to the worn makeshift parking spot for the vehicles he stopped at its usual place. Daryl always kept it to the side closest to the house so it would be easily reached. 

His fingers lingered on the handlebars just a moment more. If he wanted to he could try to convince himself that he could still feel heat from the rubber. He didn't do that though, he let go and nearly dried blood pulled at his skin. He swallowed and made himself not wipe his hands on his pants leg, he had just got all the red off him. 

Paul walked back down to the gate with the feeling of eyes heavily on him. He clenched his hands so Maggie wouldn't see his newly stained palms. The sun was starting to set, with it the temperature was dropping but Paul barely felt it. One of the men from the Kingdom would soon be backing the bus up to cover the still open half of the gate for the night. 

"I'll take watch tonight, give Eduardo a break." Paul stated before moving to head up the ladder. 

"But-" Tara tried to protest but Maggie put a hand on her shoulder shaking her head. 

Paul figured he wasn't supposed to hear when she whispered but he did, "Let him be." 

Tara didn't look happy but she didn't say anything else. Paul was grateful for both their concern and understanding. Eduardo looked haggard when Paul reached the platform. He had refused to leave watch all day, even when Mandy begged him. His eyes looked heavy with guilt that he didn't deserve to carry but Paul knew words wouldn't erase. 

"Go rest," Paul patted his back and he tried to shake his head, "I've got this, you need to rest." 

"I...I can't..." Eduardo's voice was raw and Paul knew the sound of grief very well now. 

"Eduardo, please," Paul knew his next words might hurt but he said them anyway, " Go see Kal then rest." 

One of the new graves was the man's best friend and he had not left the guard post for more than a bathroom break since they arrived that morning. Paul had helped lay Kal to rest hours earlier. Paul could tell that Eduardo was blaming himself for the attack and the loss of the other guard. 

Eduardo's breath hitched and he glanced over at the new cemetery, something he had probably been doing all day. After a few minutes he gave a shaky nod and slapped Paul on the back before heading down the ladder. Paul felt a small bubble of bitterness inside him and he hated it. Eduardo had a place to go, all Paul had now was a bloodied bike. 

\------------------------- 

**'Cause it's a long life, and then it isn't.**

Paul's own words ran on a constant cycle through the whole night. When he had said that to Sasha he had hoped she would not go but he knew she would. At the time he didn't fully understand her pain, he didn't get why she was so determined. He had a better grasp on it now. 

Aside from his mother he hadn't ever lost anyone. He hadn't been exaggerating with Maggie, he never had formed strong bonds in life before. Before he met the people of Alexandria he didn't even have anyone he would call a friend. He knew the Colonist's had held him to much higher esteem then he did them. Now he knew what family felt like and how badly it hurt. 

His eyes would drift back over to the trailer he still couldn't bring himself to go in. To even go near actually. He had spoken those words there and now they meant even more to him. With every sound he hoped it would be worn boots shuffling but it never was. Not even a single walker wandered by. By the time the sun broke over the horizon Paul felt hollow. It had been over a day since he had watched Daryl fade from his view. 

Paul hated that he could understand why Daryl had done it. It was just who the man was, he protected things that mattered to him. He knew how the older man thought, he had been badly hurt but knew it could be used to his advantage. Walkers were barely human so their animalistic instincts were more pronounced. Their predatory inclination to follow the easiest target was eerie so the noise and fresh blood would take their attention. 

Eduardo came up shortly after sun up, the bus being moved for the day. He gave Paul another back slap as he took over the post as a vehicle came rumbling up the road. As Paul climbed down the SVU came in, Michonne behind the wheel. Paul followed the car until it stopped by the House, people starting to come out to get the day going watched it too. 

Paul couldn't help smiling as Carl got out of the back to quickly open the passenger door. Rick held his side as he climbed out but he looked well otherwise. Honestly, he looked strong in spite the injury. Maggie, Aaron and Tara came out from the House to meet the leader. 

Paul watched as hugs went around and big smiles broke out. Paul felt that bitterness again but pushed it back. Rick's eyes swung over to him then moved quickly to his sides like he was searching. His face had fallen when he looked back to Paul. Paul swallowed hard, making himself step up holding his hand out, "It's good to have you back." 

Rick took his hand in a firm shake, his voice uneven when he spoke, "Jesus, no..." 

Before Paul could speak Enid rounded the SVU with Judith toddling next to her, her eyes hit Paul and she lit up. Over the months she had learned that seeing Paul meant Daryl was around, it was a simple thing kids often did. She squealed hurrying over to him, "Darie?" 

Paul choked on the breath in his throat as she reached him, her hands grabbing his pants as she smiled up at him. His hand shook as he pulled it from Rick's that had gone limp. Paul picked her up to settle on his hip like he knew she liked. 

He ran his hand over her back as her eyes started moving around him excitedly, "Darie isn't here right now. He'll be back soon." 

Rick and Michonne shared a look as Judith pouted. Paul swallowed the lump in his throat, "But how about we go see Bonnie? I'm sure she'd love a visit." 

Judith lit back up at that, bouncing happily, "Horsey." 

"Jesus," Michonne reach out to him like she was going to grab his arm and he hated how he flinched away. He just still felt so raw and knew touch would only make it worse. Just shaking Rick's hand and holding Judith made him ache but he still clutched her tight. 

Paul knew the others would fill them in so he just started around the House where the horse stable was. He tried to keep his voice happy for Judith, "I'm fine. We'll catch you guy later." 

He didn't look at anyone as he carried her, he knew what kind of looks he would be getting. The same looks he had given Sasha and Maggie, looks of pain and not knowing what to say. All four horses where perfectly fine even after the attack so when they walked up Bonnie clopped over right away. She was the most social of the animals, Clyde the least so which made the horses attachment to Daryl unsurprising. 

Paul opened the gate onehanded and met the mare. She sniffled interestedly at Judith making the little girl giggle. Her small hands petted at Bonnie's large snout, the mare content and calm like always. Paul was forever surprised at how gentle such a large animal could be. Honestly, when he had first walked into the pen the horses almost scared him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_Paul watched as Daryl finished showing him how to saddle and bridle his horse, "There ya go, now yer ready to ride."_

_Daryl turned to see Paul giving the mare a wary look, he didn't remember the horse being this tall before. She was the smallest of the four horses but she's still almost a ton of solid muscle. Paul took a deep breath as he walked over to the animal, he was barely a head taller than her back._

_"To get on put your foot here," Daryl guided him to put his foot in the stirrup then put his hand on a knob on the saddle, "Grab the horn and just pull yerself up."_

_It was less than graceful, his knees a little weak from nerves as he pitched him weight up and swung his leg over the mare's girth. He was wobbly as he sat down in the saddle and Daryl chuckled at him. Paul glared at him but the nerves were still there. He could feel her strong muscled sides moving with each breath against his legs. It wasn't a good time to think about how easily she could throw him off and trample him._

_"Ya can't be scared, she'll pick on it and it'll make her nervous too," Daryl ran his hand down her neck as he handed Paul the reins, "She likes ya, she'll mind ya so ya ain't got nothin' to worry about."_

_"What if she decides she doesn't like me anymore? Will she throw me?" Paul voiced his worry. Getting hurt before the world went to hell wasn't good but now it meant life or death. Paul was man enough to admit he didn't want to get maimed._

_"She could," Daryl grinned as Paul swallowed thickly, "But she won't if y'all got a bond."_

_"He tried to buck you this morning." Paul pointed over to the large black stallion that was still saddled up from when Daryl rode him earlier, no one else could even get near the horse but Daryl._

_He would stay back away from people, even trying to kick some of the colonist but he always came right up to Daryl. Daryl came down every day and made the horse get use to him. After a while it might have just gotten to be a routine for the horse to put up with Daryl. He had still tried to dislodge the redneck from his back just a little while ago._

_"He an asshole, this lady isn't," Daryl looked over at the stallion and flipped the animal off making Paul laugh, "Yer gonna be fine, yer good at everything."_

_Paul blushed at the compliment. He really wasn't but the fact that Daryl had voiced praise was so rare. Daryl stepped back giving him an expectant look. His nerves were less shaky as he snapped the reins with a click of his tongue like Daryl had shown him. She took even sure steps forward following his command._

_Paul looked over to see the small smile on Daryl's lips and he knew with that man's confidence in him, he could do anything._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Paul was nearly knocked off his feet making him hold tighter to Judith, who was busy twisting her fingers in Bonnie's mane. Paul looked over his shoulder and nearly had a heart attack. Big black eyes looked down at him before the stallion butted him with his nose again. 

"Clyde?" Paul blinked up at the large horse. His hair was ruffled as the horse gave a hard sigh, his ears flicking back before he nudged Paul's shoulder once more. He had never seen the guy look anything but angry. Now he looked somber, perhaps even a little lost. 

Paul shifted so he could take all of Judith's weight with one arm. She was blinking over at the large male horse but not comfortable enough with him to do more than that. Moving slowly Paul reached up and rubbed his hand over Clyde's muzzle gently. With a deep nicker Clyde pressed into his hand making him repeat the motion a few times. 

Paul watched those deep eyes close as he moved to scratch through his mane as he whispered, "I know buddy, I miss him too." 

\---------------------- 

Paul had fresh flowers in his hand, Judith now turned over to Enid. It had been a few days since he had replaced the flowers at the little makeshift cemetery and the bright green hydrangeas at the horse pen had caught his eye. He wasn't surprised to find Maggie there, sitting next to Glenn's grave and slowly plucking new grass from the mound. 

"Thank you," Maggie smiled up at him as he set the blooms down. He nodded squeezing her shoulder as he moved to the next two plots, "How are you?" 

Paul paused at Sasha's grave, he wished he knew how to answer that. He knelt slowly, turning to glance at Maggie as he placed the flower down but let his hand rest on the dirt. He could understand why Daryl had done it but he was still mad. He knew he was angry and hurt because Daryl had agreed, Daryl had promised they would get a life. He was furious but he missed Daryl terribly. The not knowing was killing him also, maybe if had a body then it might be easier even if it would break his heart. 

"I'm feeling..." Paul had to pause when his voice cracked, he wasn't used to this, "I'm feeling a lot right now." 

"Like what?" Maggie wasn't the best at hiding her emotions at time, he could see how upset she was too. 

He hated that some of his anger was aimed at her, it put a bad taste in his mouth but he couldn't make it go away. Peeking at her just from the corner of his eye, "I tried it but for what? You didn't tell me it would be like this." 

Maggie's jaw twitched like she had to stop it from dropping, "I didn't know it would be, I'm sorry." 

"It's not your fault but the not knowing is the worst. I wish I had something. ," Paul gestured at the mounds of earth, he slammed his hands down and really wanted Sasha to not be under them, "Something more than the nothing I have now." 

Maggie wasn't upset with him, she seemed to know he needed to vent and that he still held her very dear to him. She had a few explosions right after, even screaming at Rick then being so ashamed by her words. She offered her next words soft and soothingly, "You still have us." 

Paul knew that but it wasn't the same, she knew that too. He just nodded falling back to sit for a while. They didn't talk for a long time, both content to slip into their own minds. When Maggie moved to stand Paul was up and at her side in a second. She took his offered hand without hesitation and used it to pull him to her. 

Her arms wrapped easily around his shoulders, his looping around her back. Somehow her touch was one he didn't draw away from, it managed to give him some margin of comfort. They were the same height so their heads rested against each other comfortably. Her fingers combed through his hair slowly and he melted at the touch, she was going to be an amazing mother. After a moment she stepped back and turned to stand at his side. 

"Do you know why I never blamed Daryl for what happened?" Maggie almost never spoke on what happened that night so long ago now so Paul was taken off guard by the question. 

Of course, he knew what happened having been told the account from many different people. He knew Daryl blamed himself, that it had been the main plot of his nightmares ever since. Paul knew even if Maggie told him there was nothing to be sorry for Daryl would never forgive himself. Paul shook his head in answer. 

"Because I know him," She laughed, the sound of it wet with emotion, "I know that when he threw that punch he was sure." 

Paul swallowed thickly, "Sure of what?" 

Maggie sniffled looking over at him, he could see the tears she was blinking back, "He was sure that Negan was going to kill him." 

The words hit Paul like a fist. Before he could even try to form something to say she continued, "He is always ready to die for the people he loves. That's Daryl Dixon and that's why he isn't here now because you are the thing he loves most in the world, Jesus." 

She pressed on, "He needed you and your home to be safe, even if he didn't get to be there anymore. Just like how he wanted a monster to stop hurting his family even if it killed him." 

Paul knew she was right and it did ease him a little. He emotions were still all over the place and he knew they were nowhere near calming down. He just settled for nodding with a whisper, "I just want him back, one way or another." 

Maggie stifled a sob, she was so much more honest with her feelings, "Me too, Jesus, me too." 

\---------------------------------- 

"Whoa Rovia!" It took a moment for Paul to recognize Earl's voice. The blacksmith now righting him from where his legs gave as he walked by the man's work shop. 

He had been on the way to help install the second repaired gate door. Carol and Ezekiel were a day out but had radioed they were on the way after speaking with Jerry. Paul was planning to take over the night watch again afterward but his body had other ideas. 

"You need to go rest, now." Earl asserted, face lined with worry. 

"I'm fine." Paul knew it was a lie but he was getting good at telling this one. 

"No, you're being stupid," Earl gruffed making Paul's eyes widen, "You haven't slept in two days, did you think people haven't noticed how you're avoiding your trailer? You look like death warmed over. Daryl didn't save this place for you to fall apart." 

"Excuse me?" Paul was shocked, Earl was not a confrontational man but he was looking at Paul like he wanted to knock some sense into him. 

Earl huffed moving back into his hut to rummage around before stomping back. He grabbed Paul's limp hand and slapped something into it. Paul looked down to see a small wooden box, a brass clasp keeping it closed with a hinge on the back. It was tiny but looked like someone had taken great pains to make it. 

Paul hesitated but Earl's expectant look made him slowly open the box. Inside on wooly cotton sat a silver ring, Paul could see and feel his hand start shaking. 

"He made the box and brought me the silver. That was a few weeks ago now but he hadn't come picked it up yet. Seemed like he was waiting for the right time." Earl explained and Paul felt like he might fall down again. Earl reached over closing the box, Paul's fingers wrapping around it instinctively. 

"The way I figure it," Earl sighed, "He wanted a life with you, so you've gotta keep on living, kid. For Daryl." 

Daryl had made him a ring, Daryl had taken the time to make the ring box, Daryl had done all this without Paul ever suspecting a thing and now Paul only had the silver. Paul felt lightheaded, for what had to be the hundredth time in almost forty-eight hours. Paul took a step back from the blacksmith, his legs felt so weak. 

"Rovia," Earl's voice had a warning tone but Paul held his other hand up like in surrender. 

"I need to lie down," Paul looked over at the trailer, "I'm going home." 

\------------------------------------------- 

Paul didn't know exactly how long he stood at the bottom of the steps. Long enough that he knew everyone had seen him lingering there. Long enough for Aaron to wander up to his side and stand with him. The other man didn't say anything for a long while, he had learned over the last couple days he shouldn't reach out to Paul either. 

"You going to be alright?" Aaron spoke so suddenly Paul nearly jumped. 

He tore his eyes from the door to look at the Alexandrian. His face was full of concern as he waited for a response, "I don't think I know what that is anymore." 

That was the most honest thing he had said in ages. Without Daryl he didn't know how to be Paul anymore, he felt like he had to relearn how to do everything. If anyone understood that feeling he knew Aaron would, that fact making it easier to be forthcoming with the man. 

"I don't think I do either," Aaron chuckled lowly, Paul finding it in him to crack a smile, "But I know you don't have to be alone right now. I couldn't have done it without him, so can I be here for you?" 

"Yes." Paul felt like he yelled the word. He could not go in there alone, he didn't have the strength. 

Aaron nodded before going up the steps. He waited until Paul put his foot on the first one before he opened the door. It was dark inside, the sky nearly black following the sunset giving off little light. As soon as he reached the threshold it hit him, that earthy musk. His knees buckled a little but Aaron still didn't touch him. He was grateful, he felt so raw inside and out as he stepped in the trailer. 

Aaron found the lamp quickly, the warm glow filling the space. Daryl's spare boots still sat by the door, oils and rags were on the coffee table from the last bow cleaning, muck covered clothes hung haphazardly from the hamper where they had been thrown. Paul could almost convince himself Daryl was just in the bathroom, would come walking out any moment wrapped in a towel with water heated skin. 

The crossbow felt like it weighed a ton as he lifted it from his shoulder. The thud of him placing it on the table loud in the too quiet space. His knives followed as he unsnapped their holsters. He briefly wondered if he would have to carry them both, if the bows owner never returned. It seemed like a lot of hardware to lug around for someone who prided himself to be so swift. He knew there was a strong possibility he would have to make that decision but not that night. 

He made his feet move him to the bed, the sheets still thrown back waiting for them to return. His whole body ached from more than exhaustion as he sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes drifted to the pillows with indentions still clear. Paul felt something jerk at his ankle, he looked down to see Aaron wordlessly untie his boots and pull them off. Aaron then stepped back and sat on the couch, the couch Daryl spent his first weeks at Hilltop sleeping on. 

Paul's head landed on his pillow, he curled his legs up as he rolled to his side and he tugged the blankets up still fully clothed. His hand hovered over the pillowcase before his fingers buried in Daryl's pillow. Pulling it to his face he felt lightheaded, Daryl's smell filled the room better than his own. It was like his face was buried in the man's neck the scent was so strong. Paul didn’t want to think that it might fade, there could be a time his own scent was the only on in here again. 

He didn't realize he had closed his eyes until he blinked them open again. They landed on the nightstand. The ashtray was half full, a small piece of wood Daryl had been fiddling with sat next to it and Paul guessed it was an animal of some kind for Judith. Behind that sat two picture frames. 

Paul could understand how anyone could fall in love with Beth's smile. He often wished he could have met her, could have known her. Even if it meant Daryl would never have been his, if she had made him happy then Paul would have accepted that. 

Some weeks earlier Tara had found a photo printer while out on a run, she had just grabbed it with a few ink cartridges and a chargeable camera. It had seemed like pointless things to take when they were in the shop looking for razor blades and anything really useful. She then followed everyone around for a week snapping pictures on the digital camera. That how Paul got the second picture on the nightstand. 

Daryl and Paul had been talking, about what Paul couldn't recall but Daryl's hands had drifted to Paul's waist like they tended to. Maggie had come over to awe at them, Paul grinned over at her as Tara sprinted up. Her finger moving on the button before she even said 'say cheese'. He figured she would give him one of the shots where he and Daryl turned to the lens, Daryl forcing a happy look at the attention while Paul posed happily. 

The photo that sat in the frame was candid though. Maggie was cropped out but he knew that's who his profile was smiling at while Daryl looked at him. She had gotten the angle just right to catch Daryl's face over his shoulder. His eyes soft in a way Paul didn't know they could be, soft just for the smaller man before him. That's how Daryl looked at him when he wasn't looking, it was an expression Paul might have never had the chance to see had it not been for Tara. Daryl had blushed when Paul placed it on the table with a grin. 

Paul stared at the photo until his tired burning eyes drifted closed. He inhaled deeply, he could almost taste the redneck as he pressed further into the pillow. He tried to not think about the small box in his pocket and all the meaning it held. He didn't know if having it comforted him or just increased his anger. 

His voice was muffled but Aaron could hear him all the same, "Everything feels wrong." 

The open space next to him, the too quiet room and how empty his home felt now. Aaron still didn't speak or Paul didn't think he did, he slipped into unconsciousness just a broken heart beat later. 

\---------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_Paul whined as something moved his hair out of his face. He tried to ignore the tug at his scalp and fall back asleep when lips pressed behind his now exposed ear. He flinched but couldn't help laughing at the touch. A few more nibbling kisses ran down his neck until he turned onto his back, still stubbornly keeping his eyes closed._

_His hands floundered around until they found warm skin, fingers tracing down a textured broad back then back up. He wound his fingers in sleep ruffled hair as lips trailed around his Adams apple then up his chin. A wide body settled on top of him making his thighs clench at a strong waist. Despite the morning breath Paul opened to the mouth on his._

_"Mornin' Paul." Daryl's voice was full of gravel as he spoke against his lips before leaning back. Paul hummed, still too sleepy to form words._

_Daryl didn't always wake him up this way, usually he would give Paul a gentle shake and peck to the temple letting him know he was heading out. Some mornings Daryl took a little more time, gave him affection that was exclusively for Paul. Paul's eyes blinked open to find Daryl's bright blue eyes smiling down at him, nails trailing over his beard in a way that felt amazing._

_"It's barely dawn, you can't say 'mornin' before the sun is up." Paul yawned pulling Daryl closers so he could nuzzle at his stubbled cheek._

_"It'll be mornin by the time I get back and actually make ya get up." Daryl turned so their noses brushed. Daryl told him the night before he was going out to check the snares he had placed around Hilltop the next day. It would only take him an hour or two, of which Paul had no plans to leave the bed for._

_"Gotta go, gorgeous." Daryl kissed his forehead before untangling himself._

_Paul stretched before turning over and snatching Daryl's pillow. Daryl cocked an eyebrow as the scout cuddling it to his face while Daryl pulled on his clothes and grabbed his crossbow. When he reached the door he paused as Paul spoke, "I'll be wait for you, babe."_

_Daryl watched as Paul smiled sleepily over at him from his nest of the man's pillow before his eyes slipped shut again. Daryl's voice still reached his ears as he left the trailer, "I won't be long."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Paul woke up he felt rested and more exhausted than before. He turned his face from where it had been still buried in Daryl's pillow. He hadn't been dreaming, that was a memory. A memory just a few days old but felt like it had happened in another life now. His muscles ached as he sat up, the sun was up and lamp turned off at some point. He had slept for hours but his body was so tired and he knew that was a feeling he would have to learn to live with. 

Paul saw motion out of the corner of his eye. Aaron sat up straight as Paul stirred, if the other man had slept Paul had no idea. Paul ran his hand over Daryl's pillow one more time before swinging his legs off the bed to tug his shoes on. Aaron was silent, only moving to follow Paul out of the trailer after he grabbed the crossbow and his blades. 

Paul closed the door behind them and it felt different. The trailer didn't feel right, it felt how it did before the war or that day on the road so long ago. It wasn't home anymore; the Hilltop didn't even seem that way now. He could find a way to be comfortable there at least, for Maggie. The cold morning air, it had to be November by now, did seem to make him feel a bit better. 

Somehow, he felt more himself than he had in days. He knew the presistant tiredness was more in his mind than physical and that it should fade in time. Time felt like an enemy now but he couldn't let that stop him. Aaron paused at the bottom of the steps and Paul sighed looking up at him as he reached his side, "Thank you." 

Aaron didn't ask for what but spoke for the first time since they entered the trailer the night before, "You're welcome, it's the least I can do." 

Paul reached over and squeezed the man's shoulder, the touch not making his chest hurt as much this time. Without further words they moved to go about the chores that needed to be done. Paul wondered what if this is it? Was this what life would be now? He had to learn to be normal again but the empty feeling he was slowly getting use to didn't fade completely. He doubted it ever would. 

\------------------------------ 

Dante had been placed at the end of the road leading to Hilltop, extra eyes now more essential than ever. It was just past midday when he radioed that Carol and the King were on the way up. Paul had been with Maggie, Rick and Michonne having lunch that Paul made himself eat when the call came through. Rick was still on eggshells around Paul, his own pain obvious on his face. Paul knew that ever since the beginning it had been Daryl and Rick side by side, Paul wondered if he was hurt by the redneck's absence even more then him. 

Rick was still slow moving but he walked with purpose. It had been three days since the attack, Negan wasn't going to wait around forever. He was likely enjoying some unearned ego trip thinking he had killed Alexandria's leader. Rick planned to let the man think that, use it to his advantage. 

Ezekiel and Carol came walking through the now whole gate, Shiva trotting on her chain between them. Carol's face was set in a hard line, the new row of graves outside the walls having caught her attention. Her eyes landed on Rick as he carefully reached them, his hand over his bandaged side which she noticed instantly. 

"Glad to have everyone together again." Rick let Carol fuss over him before she gave him a cautious squeeze. Paul tried not to let the words reach his heart. 

"I am sorry we were so far but I am prided in my kingdoms fast response." Ezekiel stay back with Shiva as Carol moved through the group. Tara, Aaron and the kids having come to greet her. 

"We would've been lost without them." Maggie said gratefully. 

Paul waited for what he knew was coming. Carol turned to him and just like Rick, her eyes flicked to his side finding it empty. Had Daryl been that much of a fixture in his existence? Had people looked for him at the older man's side in the same way? Paul didn't know when they had become a combo package and it tore at his insides to think that time being over was becoming more and more likely. 

"Jesus," Her voice shook as her eyes went glassy, one of her hands going up to her lips while the other reached out toward him but didn't touch , "Where is Daryl?" 

He didn't know if was the fact she was the first one to actually voice the question. It could have been because it was Carol, Carol who Daryl loved so much. Maybe it was her tears that threatened to fall, like his answer had the potential to change her life entirely. Some combination of those factors finally had him crumbling. 

He couldn't speak for the sob that choked him. His hand went over his mouth as more similar sounds came out. Carol gasped, her lip quivering as she stepped closer but still didn't touch him, "Is he dead?" 

Paul wiped uselessly at his face as tears soaked his beard, his throat raw and voice nearly foreign to his own ears, "He's just gone." 

His doubled over, sobs loud that he tried to muffle. He knew everyone was staring at him. Jesus didn't yell, Jesus didn't lash out and Jesus never cried. Paul did all those things though and now he couldn't stop crying. Carol's body armor pressing into him harshly as she grabbed him. 

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry." Her body shock with her own tears. Paul knew he had been being selfish the last few days. Some many were affected by what happened and he had acted like he was the only one whose heart was hurting. 

"I'm sorry too." He whispered into her shoulder. Daryl had this things about him that made people love him so fast and of all the people present he had loved him the shortest amount of time. He was embarrassed by what an asshole he had been. 

"We got a problem!" Dante's voice came over the walkies and everything went still. 

"The Saviors are coming again, maybe three miles out," Dante was running as he shouted into the radio, "There aren't as many but shit is about to go down." 

Eyes suddenly dry Paul straightened up, heads all turning to Rick. The smirk on his face was unsettling to some but those closest to him knew the man already had a plan. Rick's hand dropped from his side to settle on the python, "Yes, yes, it is." 

\----------------------------------------- 

"Open the gate!" Maggie ordered, "We meet them head on. We will not cower or hide." 

There was a flurry of motion as people ran to grab weapons. The children being moved inside Barrington House. Carl hurrying Enid inside with Judith, she would keep all the young ones safe. As Paul took an AK Tara expended to him he realized again just how much he was carrying. Moving quickly, he ran back to the trailer. 

He pulled the crossbow from his back as he walked inside and set it on the table. His fingertips brushed the metal for just a second before he reached into his pocket. The small box coming to rest next to the bow, his fingertips lingering on wood for a moment before he was back out the door. Maggie and Ezekiel lead the march outside the gate, the mass numbers following behind them. They would make one last stand; no hiding behind vehicles or walls. Paul hurried to Maggie's side. 

Rick hung back, Negan had to think the man was dead so he needed to be hidden. He would stay close, to listen and be there when the time was right. Dante reached the colony and fell into ranks without question, the sound of the approaching Saviors already reaching them. 

It was only few trucks and a van that came to a halt. It was a very Negan move, he clearly expected surrender since he came with only maybe two dozen men. There was a look of surprise on the man's face as he exited one of the trucks. He was face to face with almost one hundred people with the mingling of the three communities. Outnumbered and clearly outgunned but he still broke into a grin. 

"I have to say, y'all never cease to amaze me." Negan cackled as Dwight and Simon took place at his side. They were the only lieutenants he had left anymore. 

"Well, since there isn't a white flag waving, I guess I only got one question," Negan looked from Maggie to Ezekiel then let his eyes bounce around the army, "With Lil Ricky dead, who is calling the shots now?" 

There was the confirmation that Negan thought Rick had been taken out by the tainted arrow. Paul's eyes flickered to Dwight, the haggard man's face giving nothing away that he had never followed that order. No one moved or said a word, the only sound was Negan started to tap Lucille against his leg. 

"Oh, come now, someone has to be taking up the position," Negan smirked over at Maggie, "The Widow?" 

Maggie just cocked her pistol making him look over to Michonne, "New Widow?" 

Michonne's lips curled in disgusted making him chuckle and wink at Carl, "The Kid, maybe or Shakespeare?" 

Shiva growled from the Kings side and Negan had the good sense to give her a cautious look. Carl's face went red with fury but he didn't react otherwise. Negan exaggerated a sigh before snapping his fingers, "Maybe it's Paul!" 

Paul went stiff as his name left the man's lips. To their credit, it didn't look like anyone made any indication in his direction. Negan went on without pause, he did enjoy his voice so much after all, "Only problem is, who the fuck is Paul? Huh, Simon?" 

"No clue, as far as I know there isn't a Paul here or Alexandria or The Kingdom and I'm great with names." Simon sneered with glee which was an ugly look on the names long face. 

Paul loosened up momentarily, he knew his true name wasn't known by the Saviors. He had only ever been Jesus when he had to give them a name and honestly, he doubted Gregory had even remembered he had another name. The tension returned instantly however, where had they gotten the name from then? 

Negan gestured at Dwight who nodded and fell back to the van, "Now, I know there is a Paul here somewhere. How do I know that you might ask?" 

They could hear Dwight open the back of the van and Paul felt sick when he came around dragging a hunched figure. The bare feet caked in mud and something black. Tattered sweatpants were covered in stains and almost falling off the stumbling legs. Gasps rippled through the group as Dwight reached Negan's side and shoved the shirtless figure to the ground. 

Paul didn't want to believe it. That man looked dead, worse than a walker because a living person couldn't look that bad. Greasy hair hung down as the man let out ragged breaths, his knees barely holding his weight and elbows shaking as he tried to keep his face from the dirt. The skin was ashen and covered in black and blue and red welts and marks. A large gash in the right side was raw and oozing something green. 

"Well I know a Paul is here because Daryl here," Negan's hands grabbed the back of the matted head forcing it back, "Kept whimpering for him." 

Paul stopped breathing. The face was a mess of filth and injuries. The lips were dry and busted, cuts that had to be made by a blade ran over the left cheek and bisected the right eyebrow, one eye was shut from swelling while the other focused right on Paul. The deep blue made Paul want to scream, it was Daryl looking at him. 

"So, I figure, Paul most be the new head honcho since Daryl follows leaders around like a pup." Negan dropped Daryl's hair and his head lulled forward again, "I'd love to have a chat with him 

"What have you done?!" Carol couldn't contain the question. Her rage and horror all over her face. 

"I found Daryl half dead on the road with a herd headed for him," Simon chuckled, "Saved him, he'd be roamer chow if it wasn't for me. He's Negan's favorite after all, so that just don't do." 

"You bastards, he passed half dead now." Michonne glared. 

"Well, if I don't speak to however is in charge now," Negan stepped back bringing Lucille to rest on his shoulder, "He's gonna be whole dead." 

A hand grabbed the back of Paul's shirt tightly, he hadn't even known how he was going to react but the touch stopped him. Carson cut his eyes over at him, the doctor having come to his side without him noticing. It was a tense moment, Paul looked over at Dwight who was glaring at the leaders back. That was his Daryl, his Daryl who had cried out for him and fury boiled hot inside Paul. 

Paul watched as Daryl swayed, barely staying upright. His body was covered in sore looking places and infection, the fact that he was still breathing was a miracle. Daryl jerkily lifted his head up, his eye meeting Paul again. A battered lip twitched at the corner as Paul matched the stare, the light in the blue seeming to go dull by the second. 

"Y'all really gonna make me do this?" Negan sighed taking the bat in both hands and squaring his feet, "Damn, I hate to do this to my Daryl but.." 

Negan swung the bat back and Paul moved. His fingers felt numb as he pulled a knife and threw it, the blade sinking into the wood to the hilt from the force. Negan stumbled back a step, in shock, eyes wide at the knife now embedded in Lucille. His mouth opened soundlessly as Paul shouted, **"HE'S MINE!"**

Negan ripped the knife out as he quickly found his wits, flinging it to the ground, "Are you Paul? Is he Paul?" 

Negan looked back at Simon who shrugged. Negan looked pissed that someone had damaged his Lucille but the next voice hit him like a cold bucket of water. 

"He is Jesus, you didn't get to call him by that name. Only Daryl does." Rick walked around the wall, somehow still having swagger as the army parted to let him through. He stopped between Maggie and Michonne. 

"Damn Rick, you look good for a dead man." Negan glared over at Dwight who returned the look. 

"Sorry, guess I forgot to mention that I don't take orders from you anymore." Dwight glared as Negan bristled, "None of us do." 

All the men but Simon stepped back turning the barrels of their guns to the two men. Dwight had done it, he had managed to turn Negan's men against him. It hadn't been too hard after all that time they had been trapped inside the Sanctuary and the blind devotion waned. A lot them just wanted this to be over, for Negan's reign to be over. 

"You little bitch, who do you think-" Simon's ranting was cut short as an arrow lodged between his eyes. 

"I think I'm finally getting the hang of this thing." Dwight lowered the bow with a grin as Negan watched his right-hand man fall. For once the man was speechless, his rage flashing over his face as he turned to Rick. Rick who had ruined everything. 

"I'm giving you one last chance," Rick spoke like he talking to a cage animal, which at this point Negan might as well be, "Surrender now. This is over. Don't make it worse." 

Negan didn't seem to know what to do for a moment. An array of emotions passing over his face before he finally seemed to settle on a twisted smile. Lucille hit the ground as Negan walked toward the Alexandrian leader, eyes crazed as he rambled, "If ya can't beat 'em join 'em, right? You're right, Rick. You've been right from the start. All of us can live, no one else has to die. I give up, alright?" 

Negan held his hands up as he stopped in front of the man. Rick nodded looking up at the man, "Right but see here's the problem." 

Negan's eyebrows went up and in one flawless motion Rick pulled his axe from its holster and swung it so the sharp blade was buried in the madman's throat. Negan let out a gurgled noise as Rick ripped the axe out, blood spraying as he hit his knees. Rick waited into the light started fading from his eyes as he looked down at him, "I don't accept your surrender. I told you twice how this would end, remember?" 

Michonne kicked Negan in the chest making his lifeless body go sprawling. Eyes went to the Savior's who lowered their guns. Dwight stepped forward, "We aren't enemies anymore. We're going to go back and anyone who still wants to follow a dead man will quickly join him. We are not Negan, I am Dwight and I swear this." 

Rick let himself limp now as he stepped over the dead body, Dwight moving to meet him halfway. Rick looked Dwight hard in the eye before extending his hand to him, "I guess we were right to trust you." 

Dwight took his hand in a firm shake, face set with determination. There was still a long road ahead but it was possible they could make this work. A loud cough and thud made Dwight turn. 

"Daryl!?" Paul rushed forward. The older man had collapsed, face pressed into the dirt. Paul's pushed his hair back, his good eye was closed and his breathing was labored. 

"We have to move him to my trailer now." Carson carefully rolled Daryl onto his back, a groan coming from his throat as his hurting body was moved. 

Paul lifted his shoulders as Carson took hold of his legs, Alex and Aaron carefully supporting his sides as they hurried to the medical trailer. Tara ran to open the door so they could carry Daryl inside and place him on a table. 

"Alex, get saline going with ampicillin and morphine." Carson ordered as he checked Daryl's vitals. 

Alex nodded grabbing what they needed, "He's going to need blood too." 

"I'm O negative." Aaron supplied making Carson nod. Tara told him she knew how to draw the blood with the machine in the corner and she got to work with Aaron to get a pint ready. Aaron insisted she take at least two. 

Paul moved Daryl's hair out of his face. Even as mangled as he was Paul had never seen something so beautiful. Paul's now bloody fingers petted over Daryl's face, he thought he would never get to touch him again and now he needed to relearn the feeling of his skin. Daryl's breathing was getting shallower by the second as Alex got him hooked up to fluids. Carson's hand came down on Paul's shoulder making him look to the doctor. 

"Jesus, I think you need to go outside, we need the space." Carson gently pulled him back, "I swear, we'll take care of him. And if anything happens, we'll get you right away." 

He didn't want to go but Paul knew he was right, he was just in the way. He slowly nodded and swiftly Carson had him out the door, his eyes lingering on Daryl's slack face as the door closed. He didn't move more than to get to the bottom of the steps. He watched the door, no noise came through so he figured nothing bad was happening. 

Maggie came up to his side and held his now clean trench coat out to him. The sight of it made him realize just how cold it was and he shivered as he slipped it on. Her hand was warm as it slipped into his, uncaring of how dirty it was, fingers lacing toward as she stood content to wait with him. Aaron came out shortly after, pale faced and sent to rest. He had no new information, just gave Paul's shoulder a heavy pat as he went to lie down. By the time an hour had passed Paul swallowed thickly. 

"I was wrong," Maggie looked over at him, face questioning, "Not knowing wasn't the worst. This is." 

His voice shook and the image of Daryl's grime covered and near lifeless face was burned in his eyes forever. Paul blinked to keep the wetness away, "I can't lose him now. I just got him back, the worst thing would be to lose him now." 

Maggie squeezed his fingers but didn't know what to say. She leaned into his side, they would wait together and hope, hope that the worst didn't happen. 

\---------------------------------------- 

It had been a lot to take in when Carson finally emerged around sunset. The least of their worries was the dehydration and blood loss, those were easy fixes. Carson had admitted to having stopped counting the stitched when he surpassed fifty but it was well into triple digits. His ribs were badly broken which was what caused his shortness of breath. 

The cut from the gate explosion had been the most worrisome. The infection was bad, if it had been left another day gangrene would have set in. As it was Carson had had to remove some of the most damaged flesh for there to be hope of recovery. His fever was high still so his body was fighting as hard as it could. Carson was pumping him full of antibiotics and pain medicine and hoping for the best. 

"He's in stable condition right now and if he pulls through the night we can go from there," Carson squeezed Paul's shoulder, "You can go be with him, for as long as you want." 

Paul nodded and Maggie slipped her hand free. Paul looked back at her and she pushed him forward, "He needs you. I'll go with Carson to get something to eat. If you need me, call me but go be with him." 

Pail smiled before heading inside. Tara was cleaning the equipment, she gave him a tired grin as he walked to the bed Daryl had been moved to. Alex was standing by the bed, pausing with a rag in hand as Paul approached. A small tub of murky water sat next to the bed, the sheet pulled down to Daryl's waist. He lay breathing slowly, side now bandaged with other gauze and tape all over his limbs and face. 

"Can I..."Paul whispered as he came to Alex's side, "Can I do that?" 

Alex paused before asking confused, "Wipe him off?" 

Paul nodded holding his hand out expectantly, "He hates people seeing his scars. I'll do this, you go rest." 

"Are you sure?" Alex handed him the rag even as he spoke, he looked exhausted. 

Paul nodded and Alex cleared away a few things before heading out with Tara, "Thank you, both of you." 

They both simply nodded as they left them. Paul changed the water before dipping the rag in it. Alex had already gotten his legs and lower body, something that would have made the redneck turn every shade of red if he knew. Paul ran the cloth over the patches of exposed skin, Daryl was more bandage than man it seemed. 

Paul refreshed the water once more before he got to his face. There was nothing to be done for his hair but Paul's fingers lingered over his cheeks. The swelling would go down with time but the cuts would scar. Paul thought of the line running down his own face and how Daryl's lips always found it in adoration. The marks wouldn't change how Paul saw the man. 

Paul knew it was more than that. It was likely Negan had been the one to abuse Daryl. Paul remembered how Daryl had shrunk back and flinched after he had left the Sanctuary, this time would be worse. Paul didn't know to what extent of torture Daryl had been subjected to this time. The rag was abandoned in the tub now as Paul traced his face and throat marveling at how real he felt. How good it was to not just touch him but to feel that presence that was so uniquely Daryl Dixon. 

"You're going to get better, you're going to come back to me," Paul whispered, leaning close so his lips barely grazed Daryl's temple, "Daryl, I need you with me." 

Paul felt his lip quiver and shut his eyes. Daryl smelled awful, like dirt, blood and rubbing alcohol but that earthy scent was in the mix and Paul didn't care how filthy it was he buried his face in his hair as he cried, "Don't leave me behind again." 

Daryl woke up two days later. 

\--------------------------------- 

It was a week before Carson felt comfortable letting Daryl leave the medic trailer. Daryl had been unhappy to be cooped up but one look from Paul stopped him protesting the treatment. Paul had been by his side since he opened his eyes. 

It didn't take long to notice the way he withdrew from touch, even from Paul. He would mumble an apology when he flinched as Carson checked his bandages or Paul reached for his hand. It had been the beatings, Daryl had gone through the same when he was a kid. His brain would put up a defense at being touched when he went through enough pain at others hands. 

Paul didn't ask, like he didn't ask after they rode out of the Sanctuary and honestly part of him didn't want to know. Daryl's eyes sought out Paul and the look in them was the same as it had been before. Rick had waited to head back to Alexandria for a while, letting Carl take over for him in the meantime. Aaron and Tara with Judith had returned as well, while Michonne stayed with Rick. 

Carol saw Daryl the day he woke up, sobbing her eyes out and trying to hug him. She stopped when he went stiff, his sore body still not ready. She understood of course, there was nothing that would ever make her not care for him. The King and the rest of their people had already gone back so when Daryl insisted he was fine she left him to Paul. 

It was two weeks after Daryl returned that they had the conversation that had been hanging between them. Daryl was resting in the trailer, still too weak to go out for long periods. Paul had taken to waiting to sleep until Daryl fell asleep, Paul would then lie down on the couch. Daryl was always awake the next morning with an unhappy look but he didn't say anything in protest. 

Daryl's bow and the small box had sat on the table for days after he moved back to the trailer. Then one-day Paul came back from his watch and found Daryl polishing the weapon and the box was gone without explanation. Paul didn't ask about. 

One night when Daryl settled on the bed with a groan he always tried to muffle he was taken off guard by Paul asking him, "Why did you do it?" 

Daryl blinked for a few minutes. Tugged at his hair, he had been able to shower regularly now which was something both of them were grateful for. He groaned outright this time in frustration before look over at Paul who was sitting on the couch, "Figured I was about to kick it and knew I could do one last thing fer ya. Save ye home and whatever." 

Paul's anger was back but he tried to not let it show, "So, you think your dying and decide that pushing me away was the right move?" 

Daryl chewed on his lip, staring hard at the floor which bothered Paul that he wouldn't look at him, "Had to keep ya safe." 

"See that's the issue, I have never needed you to protect me, remember? We've had that fight before," Paul stood up pacing in front of the bed, "So I call bullshit." 

Daryl glared up at him suddenly, "Fine, the truth of it is that I didn't want ya to have to see it. Watching someone ya love die is the worst and I couldn't hurt ya like that." 

Paul stopped, all his anger and upset draining out of him. The reasoning was sweet even if the sentiment was misplaced. Paul sighed moving to sit next to Daryl on the bed and slowly reached for his clenched fist. Daryl actually grabbed his hand like he used to, pulled it into his lap to fiddle with his fingers like the last few weeks never happened. 

"Daryl," Paul waited until the older man looked at him, "I love you." 

Daryl's eye went wide and Paul pushed on even over his own emotions that he might have never gotten the chance to say those words to him, "You've known that for a long time and for me that means I always want to be there. Even through nightmares or a war or the worst. No matter what happens I want to be there, okay?" 

"Yeah, okay," Daryl grunted as he nodded shaking his hair out of his eyes, "I'm sorry." 

"You should be. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? I felt so empty, don't you get it?" Paul hated that he sniffled because Daryl had endured the real pain. 

Daryl reached over tucking Paul's hair behind his ear, his hand sliding down his neck to settle on his upper back, "Get what?" 

"Nowhere is home without you," Paul whispered, "I need you with me. So, don't ever pull a stunt like that again." 

Daryl seemed taken back by the confession but recovered quickly, "I won't, I swear. Yer stuck with me from now on." 

"Good." Paul smiled feeling at ease for the first time in ages. 

Daryl leaned over without a word and pressed his lips against Paul's upturned ones. Paul gasped at the feeling, Paul had been unsure of how Daryl would take to that kind of affection after what he had been through. They hadn't kissed since that morning next to the House, the smell of blood and gun powder heavy in the air. 

Paul whined leaning into the kiss, Daryl hesitated for just a second before finding he was still comfortable. It was a simple kiss, so innocent but Paul thought it might be one of their best. Paul leaned back first opening his eyes to find Daryl looking at him with such tenderness. 

"Can I sleep here tonight?" Paul gestured at his side of the bed, it felt odd to be asking but knew it was probably better to. 

"Please." Daryl blushed as the word rushed out of his mouth. 

Paul simply nodded and they got situated for the night. Paul kept to his side until Daryl turned the lamp off and tugged Paul to him. Paul exhaled shakily as he settled with his head on Daryl's chest, the older man running trembling fingers through his hair. They both had miss this, more than they would ever be able to put into words. 

Paul was just starting to get lulled into his first goodnight sleep in two weeks when he heard it. Whispered into the hair at the crown of his head because Daryl knew he could hear him, "I need you with me too." 

\------------------------------------ 

"We're heading home tomorrow," Rick told them over the breakfast they were sharing piled into the trailer, "It's been a month, time for things to move forward." 

Maggie nodded, hand on her slowly growing bump. Rick had stopped in at Alexandria often but always came back to Hilltop. Spending his time with Maggie helping her and Daryl as he recovered. Carson had given Daryl a clean bill of health the day before as he removed the last of the stitches. He was getting better mentally as well, touch not as off limits as it used to be and he knew in time it wouldn't bother him at all anymore. Nightmares would linger but that was true for every one of them. 

"Are you coming back with us?" Michonne let the question that hung in the air find a voice. 

Daryl swallowed glancing over at Paul. All he had ever known was the Hilltop but Daryl missed Alexandria. At first, he hadn't been happy there, he had felt like an outsider. That wasn't the case anymore. Aaron, Tara, and Rosita were there and they were his family. Daryl hated being so far from Judith too. He didn't want to leave Paul either. 

Paul seemed to see all this go over his face. Paul reached over lacing his fingers with Daryl's, "My home is with you. We'll go, on the condition that we come back for the birth of Maggie's baby." 

"You better, the godparents can't miss that." Maggie grinned as both of the men's jaws dropped. 

With Enid's help they got everything packed into a truck by the next morning. Paul was surprised at just how little possessions he had but before Daryl the trailer had just been a roof over his head. Daryl groaned as he lugged Paul's boxes of books, the only thing he really held onto. Paul drove the truck while Daryl followed on his now spotless bike. 

The house next to Rick's was theirs. Dwight had replaced a lot of the things Negan had taken from the communities so it looked a lot like it had back when Daryl first came into Alexandria. So far it was working, the new alliance with the Sanctuary under Dwight. Daryl still wanted to kill him most days but he knew to not be selfish. Maybe a walker would munch the prick. 

Paul had never lived in an actual house of his own so he was ecstatic. Daryl let him take over the furniture placement and decoration and what sheets they needed. He hated it but he even let Paul put that ugly lobster bib on the kitchen wall. 

In a lot of ways, it was like they fell back into their old life just in a new place. They did chores, took watch shifts and helped on runs. Daryl was Rick's right-hand man like always and Paul took over going out with Aaron to look for people. By the time a week passed Daryl knew they could do this, this is the life they could have together. 

Daryl came back from a hunt to find Paul in their bedroom, fresh sheets being smoothed over the queen mattress. Daryl leaned against the doorframe content to watch. Paul was clad in soft lounge pants and a hoodie that was technically Daryl's. Daryl felt warm, domestic looked good on Paul. Daryl thumb ran over the smooth wood in the palm of his hand. 

"Yer cute fightin' with that fitted sheet." Daryl chuckled as Paul finally got the corners lined up right so it was snug. 

Paul huffed blowing his hair out of his face as he moved to the bottom sheet, "Offering help is always better than sass." 

"Agrees to disagree." Daryl was kind enough to help he get the comforter in place and toss the pillows back on the head of the bed. 

"Why did I decide to love such a smartass?" Paul grinned turned to find Daryl crowding into his space. His lips slipped into a small smile, arms coming up to loop around Daryl's neck, "Hey." 

Daryl kissed him deep and slow, pull one of Paul's hands between them, "I wonder that every damn day but I ain't complaining." 

Daryl settled the small box in Paul's palm making him pull back. Paul blinked down at it like he might be hallucinating. Daryl knew he already knew what was inside, he found it next to his bow the first day he back in the trailer. 

Paul opened the box, silver ring as lovely as he remembered it being, "Daryl?" 

"A while back I promised ya a life and I aim to keep my word," Daryl watched as Paul starting grinning down at the ring, "Yer stuck with me." 

"Good!" Paul beamed pulling the ring out and slipping it on his left ring finger, the fit was just a tab loose but it wouldn't fall off. Paul stared at it on his hand before jumping on Daryl. 

Daryl crowed as he fell back onto the bed, the man taking him by surprise. Paul laughed peppering kisses everywhere he could reach as Daryl mumbled about ninja attacks. Paul trailed over the still pink lines running over Daryl's face, he knew the archer didn't like them but Paul adored all of his scars. Just like how Daryl still traced the one on his cheek. 

"So, it's going to be official," Paul leaned back, cupping Daryl's face in his hand, the glint of metal making him giddy, "You're going to be mine forever." 

Daryl hummed pulling his hand around to kiss the band then his knuckles, "I like the sound of that." 

\----------------------------------------- 

Maggie had her baby in early spring. Enid had radioed right when she went into labor and Daryl and Paul hightailed it over. Little Herschel was perfection. Dark hair and eyes, both might lighten with time but his face was Glenn made over. Maggie had insisted that Paul get to hold him before anyone else after her. 

Paul was in awe as he kept the tiny guy close to his chest. Daryl watched as Maggie laid back, smiling as her best friend fell head over heels for her son. He knew she was hurting more than just physically, the empty space at her side was a heavy weight. 

Daryl wondered what if this is it? Is this what life was now, was it living the happy times with the pain of who wasn't there to join you? Daryl pushed the thought away, at least there were still happy times to be had. His eyes lingering on the silver on Paul's hand, a matching band on his own and Hilltop was short one more spoon. There wasn't going to be a weeding but Michonne insisted on a festival or gather to be held sometime in the following months, once Maggie and Herschel could attend. 

Daryl seamlessly took the baby boy when Paul offered him over. Daryl's chest hurt looking down at his little face, he would never stop regretting making this boy grow up without his dad. He would make sure that Herschel knew everything about Glenn; how fiercely strong, wonderfully kind and endlessly compassionate he had been. The little guy was the future and Daryl was finally happy about how that looked. 

Herschel scrunched his face making a small whine, Daryl bounced him gently shushing him, "Easy there bubba, yer alright." 

Herschel snuggled into his blanket letting out a content breath at the rocking. Daryl looked up to see Maggie staring watery eyed at him and he smiled still soothing her son. Paul carefully leaned around the baby to kiss Daryl's cheek, "I love you, babe." 

Without hesitation Daryl said, "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~THE END~
> 
> Thus ends my first Desus fic. Wow, just wow. I can not express out grateful I am for the response this fic has gotten. Y'all are just amazing and I'm so thankful that y'all were willing to give my rambling beast of a story a chance. Thank you. 
> 
> Please leave a comment. I have put my heart and soul into this fic so if you liked it let me know. Give me tips on how to improve. I love hearing from y'all. Well, see y'all next time.


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